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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anyone else scared of being attacked?

58 replies

Weareunloved · 01/04/2021 18:50

Be it by a man or a woman.
I am quite weak physically, if I were to be attacked in whatever way I have nothing to defend myself. Fortunately it's never happened to me, i had an abusive ex who threatened to smash my head in but luckily i left and saw sense.

I suppose the tragic events surrounding Sarah Everard have heightened this anxiety and i imagine it's the same for others.

Planning to start lifting weights to at least become stronger. Obviously it's illegal to carry any sort of instrument on one's person, even pepper spray.

How are people supposed to keep safe?

OP posts:
SnackSizeRaisin · 01/04/2021 19:08

It's extremely unlikely that you would get attacked by a stranger. So you need to keep it in perspective.
But apart from that, I doubt weight training is going to be that helpful. Avoiding being in the wrong place at the wrong time is probably more important. Avoid being a target by staying alert, not carrying valuables, not wearing headphones.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 01/04/2021 19:13

No, lived in London for ten years and have never been afraid of being attacked.

I don’t wander round at night all blasé not knowing exactly where the bus stop is, with my headphones blasting like I did in my mid twenties though. I still obviously walk at night if I need to get from A to B but not with headphones in, my valuables close to me and I walk the side closest to the road.

It’s awful when it does happen to women, and it does, and there’s a whole culture around that that needs to change, but so so rarely, I don’t feel it’s worth living in fear over it when I need to and have every right to go about my business at any time I wish.

Bargebill19 · 01/04/2021 19:14

Have you thought about taking self defence classes?

ArsenicNLace · 01/04/2021 19:14

No. It's extremely unlikely to happen and despite recent scare mongering it is men who are more likely to be randomly attacked by a stranger in the street than women. (Women are more likely to be attacked by someone they know and generally in the home).

I say that as someone who was attacked in their own home 35 years ago by a stranger who broke into my house. I just take normal sensible precautions when out and about such as the snacksize said 'Avoid being a target by staying alert, not carrying valuables, not wearing headphones.'

CirqueDeMorgue · 01/04/2021 19:20

Never overly concerned about being attacked by a stranger despite avoiding walking alone at night, for example. If I was, it would most likely be by a man and I'm not 'weak' but I'm certainly not intimidating and don't really stand a chance against a man attacking me.

FlossieTeacakesFurCoat18 · 01/04/2021 19:23

You can carry a can of hairspray...

FindingMeno · 01/04/2021 19:25

Yes, but I have been attacked by a stranger.
It's a fear I fight against regularly because I've never wanted it to dictate my decisions.

Sparklesocks · 01/04/2021 19:27

Personally no. As scary as the stories on the news are, I know it’s really rare to be abducted/attacked by a stranger. But that’s not to say I don’t feel a bit anxious when walking alone at night etc, as I’m sure many women do - but it’s often fleeting.

Some self defence classes might help you feel a bit more in control. Also clutching keys might help you feel a bit more equipped.

Oblomov21 · 01/04/2021 19:28

Nope.

Original poster
Weareunloved · 01/04/2021 19:28

That's awful I'm really sorry to hear that. What happened?
Indeed I shouldn't live in fear.
As a 12 year old I was almost lured into a jeep by a middle-aged man who claimed he had 'concert tickets', and as a 15 year old I had a married Dad of 2 in his 40s tell me i had gorgeous legs..

OP posts:
waitingfortonight · 01/04/2021 19:29

Yes. I've downloaded Hollie Guard on my phone, bought identifier spray and a rape alarm.

Original poster
Weareunloved · 01/04/2021 19:30

Self defense classes and hairspray/deodorant or keys seem like a good idea to start.
I couldn't help wondering what happened to Sarah Everard that night and being really shaken by it all.

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 01/04/2021 19:34

Always always stay vigilant. Trust your instincts.
Prepare to freeze, but also prepare to fight. It can be surprising how determined you can be when adrenaline kicks in.
Don't feel you have to do something if you feel its unwise, even though you know in the world we want you should be able to do it.
Wear shoes you can run in.
Prepare your route. Let people know where you are.

Happycat1212 · 01/04/2021 19:34

No I don’t

Frownette · 01/04/2021 19:38

It was really horrible. I felt frightened too for a bit.
Like others said stay vigilant and use things like keys etc in the rare case anything happened.

Miljea · 01/04/2021 19:40

@Weareunloved

That's awful I'm really sorry to hear that. What happened? Indeed I shouldn't live in fear. As a 12 year old I was almost lured into a jeep by a middle-aged man who claimed he had 'concert tickets', and as a 15 year old I had a married Dad of 2 in his 40s tell me i had gorgeous legs..

Two quite different scenarios, to be fair. The bloke trying to lure you in, versus what was ubiquitous in the '70s, yer dad's married work colleagues, with DC of their own, 'coming on' to 14 year old girls.

I was shocked, in my mid 20s, in the mid/late 1980s to discover how many women of my age wouldn't dream of catching a bus at 10.30pm, alone, due to fear.

Suzi888 · 01/04/2021 19:46

I don’t think it matters what you carry etc no one knows how they’ll react. I’d hope I’d hit, scream, run, but I think I might just end up doing nothing at all and to me, that’s more worrying.

FindingMeno · 01/04/2021 20:35

Oh, and try to look confident as you walk.
Don't underestimate how important situational awareness is.

Takemetothebar · 01/04/2021 20:41

No, not particularly concerned. I’m cautious in that I don’t wander streets with no lights yakking away on my phone with earbuds in, flashing my purse.

It’s not something I live my life worrying about. I’m not sure what your scenarios have to do with you being physically and aggressively assaulted now as an adult? Obviously they were hideous and I’m not minimising that, just not seeing the link between that and the kind of physical attack you think physical weight lifting might guard against.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 01/04/2021 20:44

I don't personally, but I will say that it's always a good idea to work on one's strenght. It's not just for safety.
Women in general should be more encouraged into strenght building. The tide is zhifting on this now luckily

moita · 01/04/2021 20:48

I do understand OP: a young guy tried to engage me in conversation as I walked past him, asking for directions. I was polite and pointed him in the direction he needed to go (opposite way to me). He then started following me very closely.

I was scared as I'm 5'2 and have no way to defend myself physically.

He lost interest when I pretended to wave and shout 'hello' at a man in the distance Confused

thebillyotea · 01/04/2021 20:48

Unless you have a team of bodyguards, you can never be safe. I am being reasonably cautious, but no, I am not scared.

What you learn first in self defence is to run away as fast as you possibly can. It takes A LOT of practice to be able to defend yourself, especially if there are several of them.

I will never be as strong as DH (he's much taller than me anyway for a start). He got targeted much more than I ever did, even threaten to give his wallet.

Ohpulltheotherone · 01/04/2021 20:51

There are defence sprays which are legal.
Google them, they aren’t pepper spray but I think like a really unpleasant smell?

I might get some. I’m not anxious but I like the thought of maybe having some on me for late night dog walks.

nokidshere · 01/04/2021 20:53

The only thing that's ever scared me about walking anywhere alone is that I might meet a dog off a lead. Pathetic. I never felt unsafe walking around London or Manchester but I did take basic precautions .

sweeneytoddsrazor · 01/04/2021 20:55

Honestly although its a worry, everyone I know who has been attacked by a stranger has been male, apart from 1 female who was attacked by another very very drunk female.