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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else scared of being attacked?

58 replies

Weareunloved · 01/04/2021 18:50

Be it by a man or a woman.
I am quite weak physically, if I were to be attacked in whatever way I have nothing to defend myself. Fortunately it's never happened to me, i had an abusive ex who threatened to smash my head in but luckily i left and saw sense.

I suppose the tragic events surrounding Sarah Everard have heightened this anxiety and i imagine it's the same for others.

Planning to start lifting weights to at least become stronger. Obviously it's illegal to carry any sort of instrument on one's person, even pepper spray.

How are people supposed to keep safe?

OP posts:
FindingMeno · 02/04/2021 11:07

Thank you @Francescaisstressed.
That looks a good idea.

BogRollBOGOF · 02/04/2021 11:34

I own a wrist based attack alarm for running which is different behaviour to DH. I bought one when there was a repeat sex offender operating in areas too close for my liking.

I am more cautious about where I go at night than in the day... mainly trip hazards being realustic, but attack is a consuderation. I pay attention to my surroundings. I live in a "safe" area (lighting/ drink/ drugs/ visibility/ general crime) some areas I am more cagey about, but I think DH would be too.

It's a consideration rather than a major inhibitor. I try not to live differently just because I'm a small built woman.
Being fit boosts my confidence.

Cokecake · 02/04/2021 11:55

@Endoftether20

If YOU want to walk in the dark that’s up to you. The Op is scared she will be attacked, so it was a suggestion. Obviously it’s less likely during the day to be attacked which as some posters have mentioned does happen. No we shouldn’t have to carry things like rape alarms, sprays etc but what can we do?

I have personally walked in the dark and vowed I’d never do it again. I was on edge and kept thinking that anyone that walked passed me was going to attack me! There were hardly any street lights which I hadn’t realised before as I had never had to walk in the dark. Every noise, put me on edge, I couldn’t get home quick enough! Funnily enough, my brother said he would meet me and we can walk home together as it will be dark. I said no, don’t be silly. It’s only a 20 minute walk, I’ll be fine as long as I don’t walk through the park. As soon as I came home, I told him I should’ve got you to meet me as I was very scared.

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 02/04/2021 13:26

m.youtube.com/watch?v=KVpxP3ZZtAc

Op YouTube has loads of videos with self defense tips for women...maybe learning some of the tips might make you feel a bit safer that if the worst happens you would have some way of fighting back

Ilovenutellaaaaa · 02/04/2021 13:31

Francescaisstressed thanks for posting the link, I didn't even know that spray existed

ginghamtablecloths · 02/04/2021 13:39

I've always been afraid of being attacked as I'm small and not particularly strong.

I was attacked by a man I knew at the end of an unsatisfactory relationship inside my home. I was followed by a male stranger on my way to work, I had to shout and 'make a fuss' to make him back off. The street was deserted so no passers by to intervene, even supposing that anyone would bother.

What can you do but be alert? I never wear shoes that I can't run in but I can't offer much else I'm afraid apart from some of the advice already mentioned.

aintnothinbutagstring · 02/04/2021 14:20

Gone are the days of me staggering home drunk after a night out. I have walked home from night shift at 7am, through a secluded alley (no other way) and carried a rape alarm when doing so. I don't walk the streets alone when it's dark/late at night and wouldn't advise anyone (male/female) to do so if they can avoid it, and if they can't then stick to well lit streets. It's the same as these teens that are attacked and stabbed, oh what time was it? Always after 8pm. If I'm going for a night out with friends these days, I tend to either not drink/have one drink and will drive myself there and back. I'm all for not victim blaming, I'd never blame a victim of violence but bad guys don't care about women's rights or feminism or 'educate your son's', they just don't, so you better take care of yourself, don't put yourself in an unnecessary risky situation.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 02/04/2021 15:43

When I used to do Muay Thai (kickboxing), I was given some very useful advice (which was directed at all participants, not just me).

Your number one skill is awareness so that you see potential threats before they become one and take decisive evasive action before anything happens. (Which includes trusting your spidey sense with roads with overgrown hedges, underpasses and walkways where you can't see what's beyond the lit area (Milton Keynes, I'm fucking looking at you there), the bloke you think might have been looking at you a bit too much or who is noticeably keeping in your blind spot and avoiding his reflection being seen in shop windows or offices by walking directly behind as you go home).

Then it is fitness, because you need the strength, stamina, balance and speed to run away. That was the majority of the sessions - intense aerobic activity, core strength, balancing, functional stretching, then actual glove/bag/pair work, then some sparring, then some final stretches to warm down. They were absolutely brutal training sessions twice a week, but incredibly effective physically; I felt balanced, poised and I was fast and strong.

Actual technical ability came way below those two.

None of that speed or fitness mattered when my then partner decided to batter the fuck out of me in front of the children. Because that's where the biggest risk lies to women - in the home. At best, the speed/reactions meant I was more able to bat away the things that were being thrown at me at first. Once he'd actually got hold of me by the throat, there was nothing any of the training could do because he was bigger and vastly stronger than me. And my feet were dangling in the air, so kicking anything was out of the question as well.

The only realistic chance a woman has is if she knows there is a problem sooner than waiting for him to make it clear there's a risk, is faster than the attacker (and that's not guaranteed) - and can sprint away at top speed for further than he can run.

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