Anyone else scared of being attacked?

[Weareunloved]

Be it by a man or a woman.
I am quite weak physically, if I were to be attacked in whatever way I have nothing to defend myself. Fortunately it's never happened to me, i had an abusive ex who threatened to smash my head in but luckily i left and saw sense.

I suppose the tragic events surrounding Sarah Everard have heightened this anxiety and i imagine it's the same for others.

Planning to start lifting weights to at least become stronger. Obviously it's illegal to carry any sort of instrument on one's person, even pepper spray.

How are people supposed to keep safe?

[LizBennet]

I’d fancy my chances against a woman (unless she was a 6ft 2” behemoth), but obviously not a man. I don’t fear being attacked though, and I live in Manchester.

[User179335678]

I’m pleased to see so many women discussing ways to stay vigilant. I have been very worried recently reading things anout how women should ‘take back the streets’ and feel free to walk wherever and whenever they like in the wake of Sarah Everard.

Of course in an ideal world this would be lovely but we don’t live in an ideal world and women (and men) should never think it’s ok to not be vigilant and alert when in public.

[whenthebellsring]

No. I'm more scared of a stray rabid dog or any animal that might decide to attack me than humans.

[BoJoHoNo]

I've never been attacked but I have been followed by men on a few occassions on the way to and from work which was terrifying at the time. Each time I do remember fearing that they may try to harm me in some way. I normally wear quite baggy coats and tuck my long hair down the back of it, that way I look less easily identifiable as a small woman walking on her own.

[FireflyRainbow]

No. But I'm quite savage and think I'm well tough, even though I'm probably not. Think growing up on a rough council estate helped.

[FireflyRainbow]

As a teen me and my friend got stopped by a guy with a knife who attempted to rob us and we just swore at him and strolled off. Didn't even run. I'd be terrified now.

[TheMatryoshka]

Not at all but I can totally understand that some people are afraid. Personally I walk anywhere at any time, always with headphones in because I love walking to music. Last week I walked 2 miles a night through town back to my hotel at 11pm after late shifts at the hospital I'm on placement at. I regularly walk back from work in my home town after midnight. I never feel scared although to be fair I'm a chunky middle aged woman so probably invisible to most people .
I'm strong as fuck though and bigger than a lot of men so I don't feel particularly vulnerable. I'm also fucking furious that women feel afraid being out and about and recent events have only made me more angry. If anyone did give me any hassle I would be more worried about their welfare than mine at the moment

[TheMatryoshka]

Just to clarify I'm not furious at women for being scared, I'm furious that we are made to feel afraid by the actions of entitled arrogant bastard men

[AlCalavicci]

I agree with some PP it is much more important to be vigilant. I use to have to walk through Manchester city centre at night / early hours .

My tips , Be aware of your surroundings , know where the dark areas are , which roads are better lit .

Walk facing the oncoming traffic , it is much easier to flag a car down that is approaching you than past you , even if it doesn't stop it would put off your would be attacker . ( obs dont get into a strangers car ! )

If you are going to carry a spray of some sort it is no use in your bag , the Excuse me while I route around in my hand/ shopping bag for a weapon wont wash . keep it in your hand .

I did and still do use head phones but only in one ear and never loud , this has the advantage of if you see someone coming you start talking in a confident ( but not 'look at me' ) voice , ^oh I am just on xx road near x shop , so I will be home / you should be able to see me coming round the corner soon/ at work in a min or what ever fits the situation best .

Tell people where you are going and how long it will take you to get there .

Dont have your phone out and lit up like a light house , but do make sure it is fully charged , has credit , and the volume is off or very very low and discreet

Walk with confidence , even steady strides , don't walk so fast that you are short of breath but don't dawdle either .

If you think you are been followed , go into a shop , cross the road , walk up someones garden path, if possible hop on a bus

Even stop and start pacing up and down looking very cross , saying where the hell is he /she / they . they should be hear by now .

[Seafog]

I don't, but that is because a) I live in a relatively safe place, b) because I have had self defense martial arts training, and c) because I have Fight response not Flight or Freeze.

If I feel like someone is getting too close, aggressive or threatening, I unleash so fast its freaky. It's like something switches, and a voice inside says 'How DARE you even try to touch me?!'

We once had someone try to break into our house, who was caught minutes later, and it took DH and two nice police officers to get me away from the intruder.

I am territorial, defensive and aggressive, and built large of frame. Generally qualities I keep well hidden, but are useful for personal safety.

[Mintjulia]

OP, stranger attacks are rare.

You already know to leave an abusive partner, which is the biggest risk factor. Apart from that, basics like booking cabs in advance and not putting yourself in risky situations will reduce any risk further. (And I know we shouldn't have to, but being pragmatic). Not leaving drinks unattended, not accepting lifts etc,
I've practised karate for a decade and yet the most useful thing still is speed, being able to run to safety. Shoes you can run in, non restrictive clothes etc.

[SmokedDuck]

No, I am not afraid of being attacked. I'm a woman and not particularly large, strong, or agile, but I go where I want to and did even when I lived in dodgy areas.

Being attacked is not that common statistically.

I was once accosted by a drunk crazy man but he just wanted to tell me about his problems.

[Quaagars]

I've voted YABU, only because I personally aren't scared and don't think it's a healthy state to be in.
If you've been attacked in the past though it's only understandable that you'd be nervous and worried now though [flowers

[Quaagars]

OK, emoji fail, that was supposed to be

[Quaagars]

Sorry. just realised the poster who was attacked wasn't you!
Sorry, it's late
So ignore that bit and it's just my YABU now

[Cokecake]

Just don’t walk at night on your own

[Endoftether20]

Did some crazy things as a late teen (walking home alone after work at 2am across red light district) and again early 20s. Was lucky. Been careful since

Having said that, I got separated from mates at a gig in London early 2020, and ended up alone, at 2am, in a not nice area. Petrified but brazened it out. My heart rate took hours to get to normal.

You are NEVER defenceless, no matter size. Heel down shin.stamp on foot. Fingers in eyes or up nostrils. All VERY painful. Indeed, fingers up nostrils, you can literally lead an attacker to the floor, no matter how big if you catch them right.

Balls, obviously. 2 fingers jabbed in neck. Collarbone also hurts.

We shouldn't have to know this stuff.

[Endoftether20]

@cokecake behave.

[Cokecake]

@Endoftether20 ?

[Endoftether20]

@cokecake so women should just alter their behaviour completely? I have lived in cities towns and villages. I should just have a curfew of dark cos some men cannot control themselves?

Behave.

There is risk assessment, being sensible, taking precautions and avoiding danger. NONE of which women would have to do if it weren't for the tiny minority of twats.

However, ftr, I have been attacked twice in a village, once in a city. So my odds are village attacks. I've been unlucky, yet lucky as I both fought off and damaged attackers with what I listed above.

Lucky, and not all will but the nostrils one is one many don't know. VERY effective. Better than balls.

Damned if I am gonna be curtailed after dark cos some idiots decide I am fair game, and your comment feeds into the victim blame mentality

[FindingMeno]

I can appreciate both what @Cokecake and @Endoftether20 are saying.
To suggest a woman shouldn't walk alone at night can be seen to feed into the victim blaming mentality.
By the same token, if a woman is feeling scared or ill-equipped to walk alone at night, it isn't an assault on the sisterhood to suggest she shouldn't feel she has to.

[LaBellina]

There lives a man in my neighborhood who lives in a facility for people with mental disabilities. When I’m in the supermarket or walking outside with DS in his pushchair, he is following me around and trying to make eye contact with me by staring very intensely at me and grinning at me like the Cheshire Cat (before we all started to wear masks). Thankfully due to Covid I don’t see him so often now but before that at least twice a week. Honestly I feel scared of this man and what he could do to me if we weren’t surrounded by others. I really fear that moment. On the other hand, I am incredibly protective of DS and I hate men that harass women so if he would try to put his hands on me, I’d go completely apeshit (thankfully I’m nearly 5.9 and pretty strong for a woman).
But it’s not a pleasant thought and when I walk home I always make sure that he isn’t following me back.

[Francescaisstressed]

I have been attacked twice in my life.
Once i was mugged in broad daylight and hit to the floor, and another time a man tried to drag me into his car when I was walking home late from work.
At both times, I was young, physically fit and had absolutely no fear and would have been much more able to fight them off than I am now. But, if I'm honest nothing prepares you for it and as much as you think you now how you will react you don't. When I was mugged, I initially tried to fight for my bag but the mugger did something (don't want to go into it) that shocked me so much I could no longer think straight and I just gave him my bag. The second another person intervened.
The chances of it ever happening to you are unbelievably small, and you can't prepare for it. I honestly would try not to worry and invest in an alarm/amazon legal mace.

[FindingMeno]

What is an amazon legal mace @Francescaisstressed please?

[Francescaisstressed]

www.amazon.co.uk/SABRE-Mini-Self-Defence-Spray/dp/B00ANM3624?tag=mumsnet&ascsubtag=mnforum-21

Enough to shock them and identify them later