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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't my fault?

59 replies

oligar · 01/04/2021 18:05

I've namechanged for obvious reasons

I'm pregnant with my first child. I don't live with his dad yet but he will move in with me nearer the time. Our relationship is good majority of the time. Last night we had an argument as his replies were blunt so I asked him if he was ok and he told me to 'stop assuming stuff'. I said I wasn't and he told me to stop messaging him. I told him he needs to grow up by the time baby is born and he ignored the message. I messaged him today and he told me to stop messaging him and then he said that last night he self harmed and that it was my fault as he hadn't done it for a while

Aibu to think he's being out of order by blaming me?

OP posts:
Exhausted4ever · 01/04/2021 18:06

Get rid of this guy ASAP. The last thing you want is him moving in

Happycat1212 · 01/04/2021 18:07

Prepare to be a single mum. He doesn’t live with you, I bet any money he won’t move in when the baby is here. Sorry.

PolarnOPirate · 01/04/2021 18:08

Run like the wind.

froggybiby · 01/04/2021 18:09

I agree ...in your position it is best to fo alone. I am sorry. If he is already behaving like this now Flowers

FlibbertyGiblets · 01/04/2021 18:10

His report that he sh, that isn't your fault.

A separate issue is you ignoring him stating his boundaries and trampling over them. That needs thinking about. He asked you to stop messaging and you didn't.

dementedpixie · 01/04/2021 18:10

Yes he is out of order
I wouldn't expect much support from him
Don't let him move in

Magnificentmug12 · 01/04/2021 18:10

Go, just go and don’t look back.

If you don’t, gosh, can you imagine the drama, guilt flinging and arguments that are too follow, on top of having to look after a baby.......no thanks!

Shoxfordian · 01/04/2021 18:11

Huge red flag
Don’t move in with him
Also not your fault at all

Magnificentmug12 · 01/04/2021 18:11

You should stop messaging people when they ask you too though, boundaries- but that’s NO excuse blaming you for self harm, you didn’t do that, he did!

stackemhigh · 01/04/2021 18:12

Please save yourself a load of bother and don’t move him in.

Whatisthisfuckery · 01/04/2021 18:13

He is an issue. You don’t need that with a baby.

moanieleminx · 01/04/2021 18:15

What all the PP's say (inc you respecting boundaries)

Lollypop701 · 01/04/2021 18:16

Not your fault. Can you deal with this behaviour moving forward, when you have a baby needing lots of time and attention? Is he going to feel left out and his behaviour may reflect that? Self harming when you have a baby in the house... not sure how likely this is, but you need to consider the future and if he’s really going to cope, because children are wonderful, but an added stress to a relationship

RickiTarr · 01/04/2021 18:18

You can’t make anyone behave well by explaining to them what they should be doing.

We as women make that mistake with subpar men constantly.

Start working on your B plan. You might be doing this alone, which is better than doing it with a reluctant numpty. Flowers

TaraR2020 · 01/04/2021 18:20

Of course yanbu

You are not responsible for him self harming, especially as all you did was ask him if he was OK.

Hmm

Do you love this man? I'd urge you to reconsider whether living together is a good idea, with an attitude like he has displayed i can't see it ending well.

Additionally, you're not going to have anything left over in a few months to nurture him and his mental health. I'd suggest the best thing for all 3 of you is to keep living apart.

FireflyRainbow · 01/04/2021 18:22

Being a single parent is easier than dealing with the drama op trust me.

Merryoldgoat · 01/04/2021 18:26

Don’t do it OP - this man is not a good one.

Alsohuman · 01/04/2021 18:30

Run. As fast and as far as you can.

whiskersonkittenss · 01/04/2021 18:43

If you move in together then you'll live miserably for as long as it takes for you to see he's a shit. You don't need the stress of a newborn and him.

HollowTalk · 01/04/2021 18:46

Never ever let someone move in when you know in advance that they blame you for everything. Your life will be a misery and eventually he'll leave, probably for another woman, leaving you wondering what the fuck that was all about.

AtrociousCircumstance · 01/04/2021 18:47

I disagree about the ‘boundaries’ comments in this situation. What he did - and is doing - is withdrawing communication at difficult points to be controlling. He’s about to become a father and sulking and stonewalling is bullshit.

And no it wasn’t your fault, he’s a toxic manipulator to try to put it on you.

Be a single mum. Do you have any family support?

BingBongToTheMoon · 01/04/2021 19:05

He isn’t moving in.
He’s not interested in this baby.
He’s not interested in you (or at least not until he wants sex).
You’ll be lucky to ever see him again.
You’ll be lucky to get a penny of maintenance once the baby is born.
Don’t give baby his surname!
Good luck....you’ll be fine doing this on your own.

Derbee · 01/04/2021 19:06

Jesus, why would you want this wanker to move in with you and your baby?

jgjgjgjgjg · 01/04/2021 19:10

When it all falls apart you might struggle to get any financial support from him. So perhaps get him to buy as much baby equipment for you now?

diwrnachoflleyn · 01/04/2021 19:11

You need to ditch this man. If you still want to keep the baby, don't put him on the birth certificate, don't give the baby his surname and delete him from your life.

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