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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this a bit odd from bf?

89 replies

Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 20:36

Feel free to tell me if I'm being a bit over the top.
Boyfriend and i live together but also spend some time alone which is important. He's really good at communicating usually.
We usually drop each other a text to say what time we're back roughly, arrangements for tea etc.

He went on a walk today with a male friend who he's not seen since last year apparently, it's an hour away, think they've met up halfway.

I texted him something short at 10am and not had any reply.

Still isn't back or said anything at all all day which is weird. Obviously wouldn't expect someone to be with their friend and spend their time texting me, everybody needs a break, but nothing to even say he's gonna be back late etc.
We usually have tea around 6.

They've been somewhere in the countryside but it's pitch black now and I'm thinking what would they be doing at this time, there's nowhere to go? No pubs etc.

I've never met this friend but he seems a bit off to me, I can't explain it but I saw my boyfriend and him messaging on messenger once and there was just something off in the way he was writing, it sounds so ridiculous I know.

He went for a walk yesterday with another friend and he seemed like a cool guy, he was back after about 3-4 hours.

Just something feels off?

OP posts:
StripedLeopard · 31/03/2021 21:51

Just ask him if he's been smoking weed

Original poster
Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 21:51

I think it would bother me, I hate weed or any sort of drug.
Used to date somebody who smoked it daily until I finally saw sense.

OP posts:
WildfirePonie · 31/03/2021 21:57

If he raids the food cupboards later then he's probaly been smoking weed.

Original poster
Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 21:58

Hes asked if there's any food.
Though it could just be from a lot of walking.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 21:59

It might have even been pills as well.

OP posts:
DianaT1969 · 31/03/2021 22:00

It stinks. I wouldn't be able to miss it. Weed smokers who think others can't smell it on their clothes are delusional.

NerrSnerr · 31/03/2021 22:04

Bloody hell just talk to him. Why all the guessing?

BluntlySpoken · 31/03/2021 22:05

Is he home yet?

minipeanut · 31/03/2021 22:07

It's quite clear they have been doing drugs In a field and shagging in a bell tent!! Man goes out for day is hardly alarming and requiring support from a forum to guess where he is.

JorisBonson · 31/03/2021 22:07

This is really odd. Why haven't you just asked him?

Crinkle77 · 31/03/2021 22:07

@Tatiana30

Ok.. thanks.

Is there a sign that someone's been smoking weed ? Apart from the smell, I recall coursemates who did it had red eyes but is there anything else?

Probably seeming a bit dopey and sleepy almost like they're a bit tipsy but think the biggest give away would be the smell. You only have to walk past someone in the street who has been smoking it and you can smell it.
ColourfulElmerElephant · 31/03/2021 22:08

So based on something you read in a message you’ve decided his friend is a drug taking hippy who has corrupted your boyfriend into smoking and taking pills with him? For someone who says they are so naive about drugs, suggesting pills seems very specific.

wusbanker · 31/03/2021 22:08

I would find it odd if I text my boyfriend at 10am and had no reply at 8pm, unless it was something that didn't require a reply and you are usually like that. Really depends on the relationship.

MoveOnTheCards · 31/03/2021 22:08

If they met an hour away was he driving there? And back (after you suspect he’s taken drugs)?

user1473878824 · 31/03/2021 22:10

Fucking hell. You didn’t want to ask your boyfriend what time he would be home so now he’s off his face on Es and probably selling skunk to kids with a needle hanging out of his arm... Hmm

IHopeYouStepOnALegoPiece · 31/03/2021 22:17

@Tatiana30

Hes asked if there's any food. Though it could just be from a lot of walking.
Oh fucking hell. Man is out all day. Asks what’s for dinner. Instantly becomes drug Lord.

You’re absolutely ridiculous. Fucking hell

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/03/2021 22:26

I really think you’re jumping to conclusions. It’s been daylight until gone 8pm this week, and then it gets dark pretty quickly. Why is it more likely that your heretofore perfectly straight non-weed-smoking boyfriend has suddenly decided to get stoned in a field than that he met up with a friend he presumably hasn’t seen in weeks if not months and time has run away with them?

I met a friend at 2pm yesterday and we got walking and talking and then sat down on the grass to have a couple of the bottles of beer she’d brought and before we knew it it was gone 7pm. If only I’d known DP was supposed to conclude I’d been out taking drugs and up to no good Confused

DimidDavilby · 31/03/2021 22:31

@Tatiana30

I think it would bother me, I hate weed or any sort of drug. Used to date somebody who smoked it daily until I finally saw sense.
Surely you know the signs then 🤔
user1473878824 · 31/03/2021 22:35

@ComtesseDeSpair Tbf you’re clearly a coke head now though because you didn’t mention eating once. Thems the rules now.

JorisBonson · 31/03/2021 22:35

Well spotted @DimidDavilby

curious79 · 31/03/2021 22:36

I had a boyfriend he was a bit strange and circumspect about meeting up with friends. He turned out to be a very active participant on Gaydar (This involves looking through deleted emails by the way). As an addendum to the story, I had to become a member of Gaydar to confirm that the login name was indeed him. It was, though there was no face to do the recognition bit with. But I did recognise another body parts. During my temporary membership, used for approximately 45 minutes, I looked at their noticeboards. I was stunned to see the number of messages from men saying ‘oh I love my wife / girlfriend but I doesn’t sex with men’.
On the other hand maybe his ankles are just crap

me4real · 31/03/2021 22:37

I'm very anti-drugs and would never have/stay with a partner who took drugs I like to think.

This is due to my own factual knowledge based on doctors' and my own experiences of drugs' effect on people's mental health. I think it's wrong for anyone to condone it.

It can also effect people's abilities in life and relationships.

If that's how you feel that's ok. xxxxx

It does sound a bit dodgy how long they were out to me.

me4real · 31/03/2021 22:39

I met a friend at 2pm yesterday and we got walking and talking and then sat down on the grass to have a couple of the bottles of beer she’d brought and before we knew it it was gone 7pm. If only I’d known DP was supposed to conclude I’d been out taking drugs and up to no good

@ComtesseDeSpair That would depend on what a partner knew of your past and what they'd gathered about your friend's habits/character.

user1473878824 · 31/03/2021 22:45

@me4real so not, like, trust or anything?

ComtesseDeSpair · 31/03/2021 22:48

@me4real

I met a friend at 2pm yesterday and we got walking and talking and then sat down on the grass to have a couple of the bottles of beer she’d brought and before we knew it it was gone 7pm. If only I’d known DP was supposed to conclude I’d been out taking drugs and up to no good

@ComtesseDeSpair That would depend on what a partner knew of your past and what they'd gathered about your friend's habits/character.

OP knows nothing of this friend except that she once saw a text message he sent and decided he sounded a bit “hippy” - whatever that means - and has extrapolated that this means he a) must take drugs and b) that he can’t meet a friend for a walk on a Wednesday afternoon without coercing them into taking drugs, too.

I’m with @DimidDavilby on this one, now, though. If you’ve lived with a heavy marijuana smoker before, you don’t need to ask the internet for little signs of how you can tell that someone’s been smoking it.

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