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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Aibu to find this a bit odd from bf?

89 replies

Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 20:36

Feel free to tell me if I'm being a bit over the top.
Boyfriend and i live together but also spend some time alone which is important. He's really good at communicating usually.
We usually drop each other a text to say what time we're back roughly, arrangements for tea etc.

He went on a walk today with a male friend who he's not seen since last year apparently, it's an hour away, think they've met up halfway.

I texted him something short at 10am and not had any reply.

Still isn't back or said anything at all all day which is weird. Obviously wouldn't expect someone to be with their friend and spend their time texting me, everybody needs a break, but nothing to even say he's gonna be back late etc.
We usually have tea around 6.

They've been somewhere in the countryside but it's pitch black now and I'm thinking what would they be doing at this time, there's nowhere to go? No pubs etc.

I've never met this friend but he seems a bit off to me, I can't explain it but I saw my boyfriend and him messaging on messenger once and there was just something off in the way he was writing, it sounds so ridiculous I know.

He went for a walk yesterday with another friend and he seemed like a cool guy, he was back after about 3-4 hours.

Just something feels off?

OP posts:
Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 20:47

Oh I've just got a text now saying coming back, sorry it's so late.

OP posts:
XiCi · 31/03/2021 20:47

I'm worried if I'll call I'll look OTT like I'm checking up, but maybe I should
Why? Its really pretty normal to check in with your partner every now and again. Did he give no indication at all as to when he'd be back? All just sounds a bit odd. If me or DH stayed out with a friend we'd call/text to let each other know and neither would think anything of the other calling to see if everything ok

user1473878824 · 31/03/2021 20:52

Honestly OP it’s a bit weird you’re worried about seeming sort of too keen when you live together.

SplendidSuns1000 · 31/03/2021 20:54

It seems like you're trying to play it cool still! If I was him I'd be concerned you hadn't bothered to ask where I was!

121hugsneeded · 31/03/2021 20:54

It's a shame he's not thinking of you enough to work out you might be worried !

GoWalkabout · 31/03/2021 20:54

They've been smoking weed then

NerrSnerr · 31/03/2021 20:55

I think it's a bit strange you didn't just call. You live together and have only sent one text all day so not like you're hounding him.

Ohpulltheotherone · 31/03/2021 21:02

This is really weird.

Would you not expect him to check if you were ok if you went out for a walk at 1 and wasn’t home by 8?

Perhaps a blunt conversation to say “I felt like I couldn’t ring you in case it looked like I was checking up - would you have thought that and is it ok in the future if I call if I’m worried”

It’s bizarre to be honest. Time for a chat and cards on the table - you say you’ve got good communication usually, so it shouldn’t be an issue to have a conversation about it

AnchorAmore · 31/03/2021 21:03

I can’t stand women who are so afraid to put a foot wrong on a relationship. You live with this person, presumably you are building a life together. If you’re worried about him ring him and ask what’s going on. If he thinks that makes you the worlds clingiest person then so be it - he’s probably not the one for you!

Just be yourself.

AnchorAmore · 31/03/2021 21:04

Sorry should say not can’t stand the women - can’t stand it when women act like this.

UnsolicitedDickPic · 31/03/2021 21:13

@GoWalkabout

They've been smoking weed then
100% this. First thing I thought, tbh!
ButIcantsitonleather · 31/03/2021 21:16

I’m so glad I don’t have to worry about playing it cool. If my H had been off-grid for hours ans hours, I’d just call him to check he’s ok.

proopher · 31/03/2021 21:19

This is utterly bizarre that you wouldn't even text to see where he was, and you live together!

I would have been out of my mind with worry by that point and texting/calling like crazy!!

BurbageBrook · 31/03/2021 21:22

You would not have at all been unreasonable to call him around 6 or before dinner! TBH if he was considerate he should have texted you earlier to tell you he wouldn’t be back until late. Relax and set the relationship standards you deserve.

Wellpark · 31/03/2021 21:35

I think it is a bit odd that you have felt that you can't just ring and ask him where he is and what time he's coming back. Such a strange thread 🙂

Gladimnotamillenial · 31/03/2021 21:39

Smoking weed.

Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 21:41

Bf has done drugs in the past. He asked me if I wanted to once but I said no way and he knows I'm very against it.
Maybe he has been smoking weed, but he could lie to me.
Indeed I should have just contacted him earlier, I'll know for next time.

OP posts:
cathcath2 · 31/03/2021 21:42

I'm glad he has got in touch but I would have thought it was perfectly normal to text around 5ish (probably normal making tea time for you) and call once it got past 6pm. It isn't OTT to check your DP is ok.

Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 21:43

You're right.
I would have done earlier if it were local to us, I think because it was an hour away and a friend he hadn't seen for a long time he was going to be out longer but still.

OP posts:
SylHellais · 31/03/2021 21:43

I genuinely find this thread a bit strange. You are being paranoid and weird.

Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 21:44

Ok.. thanks.

Is there a sign that someone's been smoking weed ? Apart from the smell, I recall coursemates who did it had red eyes but is there anything else?

OP posts:
BluntlySpoken · 31/03/2021 21:49

What was weird about the messages?

TheMatryoshka · 31/03/2021 21:49

@Tatiana30

Ok.. thanks.

Is there a sign that someone's been smoking weed ? Apart from the smell, I recall coursemates who did it had red eyes but is there anything else?

You could just ask him if it matters a lot to you? I'm assuming you're both adults...
Gladimnotamillenial · 31/03/2021 21:49

@Tatiana30 Just the way people act really, I can just tell (the majority of the time) would it bother you that much if he had been? We’re all different, but for me it’s no issue occasionally, I prefer it to people being blind drunk tbh

Tatiana30 · 31/03/2021 21:50

The guy just seemed a bit too bohemian, hard to explain.
I will ask him but he could just lie .

OP posts:
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