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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

This conversation?

32 replies

DreamyHeadDayDreams · 31/03/2021 17:14

Dd (8 Yrs) and ds (5 yrs) playing Nintendo switch and apparently me sitting in the room silently is enough to be blamed for them to lose game.
Ds tells me to leave the room. I told him that was very unkind and it hurt my feelings.
I say to my husband in a different room ‘if I’d have said that to my mother she would have my slapped my face off’ he responded it’s your fault because you speak to your own mum like shit so the kids are copying you.
This is completely untrue. My husband seems to blame me for all the dc bad behaviours. I just feel like a skivvy good for the washing, cleaning and school runs.
I’m the one that sorts out play dates, surprises for the kids- I’ve organised an Easter treat for them.

OP posts:
UhtredRagnarson · 31/03/2021 17:15

What are you asking?

WithTeaTree · 31/03/2021 17:18

Eat the Easter treat. That’ll show ‘em.

Original poster
DreamyHeadDayDreams · 31/03/2021 17:18

I’m not even sure myself actually I’ll ask mumnet to zap this just fed up for being treated like shit

OP posts:
idontlikealdi · 31/03/2021 17:19

I'm confused about what you're asking?

parrotonmyshoulder · 31/03/2021 17:20

Did you allow your five year old to continue playing with the Switch after speaking to you like that?
Try not to bring the Easter treat and other stuff into it. They can’t think like that at that age. Deal with one behaviour at a time.

JoysexrenovationFingerFumble · 31/03/2021 17:21

Going back to the children, I’d have done the same in saying it was unkind and hurt my feelings BUT I’d also have said don’t be so bloody ridiculous, I’ve not done anything, how on earth am I responsible for you losing the game? And I’d have expected a reply.

As for your ‘D’ H he’d have got an earful from me too!

parrotonmyshoulder · 31/03/2021 17:21

And then deal with your DH being an arse.

UhtredRagnarson · 31/03/2021 17:21

Is there any truth in you speaking to your mum poorly? You say she would have slapped your face off so sounds like you didn’t have a good relationship growing up and that has maybe continued into your adult life.

How does DH speak to you? How do you speak to him? How do you both speak to DC?

Shinyletsbebadguys · 31/03/2021 17:22

Its hard to tell just from your post and no I wouldn't tolerate DP speaking to me like that.

That said , we did run into a round of negative behaviour and entitlement aimed at me from DC 8 and 5.

DP did gently say to me that I had sort of allowed it. I had fallen into the trap that I was mum and so a safe space where they could act out. I was strict with their behaviour to everyone else but to me I had let it slide. DP pointed out that if I didn't hold them to account then why would they need to be respectful. I had let thank you 's dissappear, they began to demand i got them food etc.

We had a clear conversation with them that I was a person too and we now have a rule. Everyone in the house is 25 % of the whole so is to be respected in the same way (with caveats for safety , parenting etc). I draw a hard line with disrespectful behaviour to me now and it has worked wonders but I will admit DP had had to speak to me.

Your DH is wrong in the way he said it and ironically I can be hard on DP , he gets away with a lot less than DC and would be told in no uncertain terms not to speak to me like that. But is it possible you have fallen into the " Mum doesn't count trap " like I did ?

Midlifelady · 31/03/2021 17:24

There are three different issues here: how your kids speak to you; how your husband does, and your victim mentality. Address each separately.

Lemmeout · 31/03/2021 17:25

Your not so “D” H is a twat and lucky you seem to see something in him. By the sounds of it it is his rudeness to you that has rubbed off on the children. If that is even the case, children are selfish little sods sometimes. I would have said don’t be so rude and removed the previous device.

stackemhigh · 31/03/2021 17:26

Ignore the ‘what are you asking?’ posts, as they’re not helping.

YANBU it sounds like the kids are learning from their father how to treat you, and it’s not good.

You need to stand up for yourself.

Cancel the Easter treat for a start, and tell them
It’s because they were rude.

I hope you didn’t leave the room?

UhtredRagnarson · 31/03/2021 17:27

Ignore the ‘what are you asking?’ posts, as they’re not helping.

Don’t be so rude! People need to know what it is OP wants opinion/advice on before they can offer it!

LaceyBetty · 31/03/2021 17:27

Why don't you discipline your child for speaking to you like that?

LaceyBetty · 31/03/2021 17:28

And I'm confused as to what your DP said that was so rude. Why would he say you speak to your mother badly if not true? That is an odd thing to accuse someone of.

CarefulNoww · 31/03/2021 17:29

I would have taken the switch off them and told them they can have it back when they've learned some manners.

UhtredRagnarson · 31/03/2021 17:30

that is an odd thing to accuse someone of.

Agree it’s too specific to have come from nowhere.

stackemhigh · 31/03/2021 17:30

@UhtredRagnarson

Ignore the ‘what are you asking?’ posts, as they’re not helping.

Don’t be so rude! People need to know what it is OP wants opinion/advice on before they can offer it!

But they’re not helping, they’re making OP want to delete the thread.

Take an educated guess why OP is upset!

Meowchickameowmeow · 31/03/2021 17:32

he responded it’s your fault because you speak to your own mum like shit so the kids are copying you

It's more likely that the kids are copying your husband in talking and treating you like shit and he knows that. Abusers like to turn it around on you and make you feel like everything is your fault. He sounds a bit of c u next Tuesday.

SaltedCaramelIcedLatte · 31/03/2021 17:33

@CarefulNoww

I would have taken the switch off them and told them they can have it back when they've learned some manners.

Agree with this and your husband sounds like an unsupportive twat

UhtredRagnarson · 31/03/2021 17:33

But they’re not helping, they’re making OP want to delete the thread.

Take an educated guess why OP is upset!

No I’d rather know exactly what she needs help with rather than guessing. Thanks.

daisyjgrey · 31/03/2021 17:34

This whole this is mad.

Why would your kids accuse of you making them lose the game just by being in the same room.

Why would you ever use the phrase "slapped my face off"?

If your mum genuinely would've slapped you for being rude, that's a problem in itself.

How do you talk to your mum? Presumably his comment hasn't come from now where?

LuaDipa · 31/03/2021 17:35

It's more likely that the kids are copying your husband in talking and treating you like shit and he knows that. Abusers like to turn it around on you and make you feel like everything is your fault. He sounds a bit of c u next Tuesday.

This was my thought too.

LaceyBetty · 31/03/2021 17:35

Abusers like to turn it around on you and make you feel like everything is your fault.

How on earth did the DH become an abuser already!?

FreedFromHomeSchooling · 31/03/2021 17:35

At times like these, I use the very cutting phrase my Mum used to use on me - “How dare you speak to me like that!”
It makes them question their behaviour & shows them where your boundaries are.
DH is another problem entirely- don’t know enough to comment.