This conversation?

[DreamyHeadDayDreams]

Dd (8 Yrs) and ds (5 yrs) playing Nintendo switch and apparently me sitting in the room silently is enough to be blamed for them to lose game.
Ds tells me to leave the room. I told him that was very unkind and it hurt my feelings.
I say to my husband in a different room ‘if I’d have said that to my mother she would have my slapped my face off’ he responded it’s your fault because you speak to your own mum like shit so the kids are copying you.
This is completely untrue. My husband seems to blame me for all the dc bad behaviours. I just feel like a skivvy good for the washing, cleaning and school runs.
I’m the one that sorts out play dates, surprises for the kids- I’ve organised an Easter treat for them.

[stackemhigh]

@UhtredRagnarson

But they’re not helping, they’re making OP want to delete the thread.

Take an educated guess why OP is upset!

No I’d rather know exactly what she needs help with rather than guessing. Thanks.

It’s not about you, it’s about the OP and posts like yours have run her off.

[angelaEhen]

Seems a weird thing for the kids to say my 10 and 6 year old alway want me to watch them play games or play with them. You should tell your kids to not be so rude and that it hurt your feelings

[DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult]

Regardless of where they have picked it up from they need to learn that you won't tolerate being spoken to like that.

Telling them they hurt your feelings should have been a conversation after a punishment and they accepted they were wrong.

If you don't clamp down on it now while they are young, it won't get better.

[Fuckitfuckit]

I don't think you're really asking if you're being unreasonable, because no your kids shouldn't be telling you to leave the common areas of the house, and your husband isn't being helpful really, is he?

I think you just needed the opportunity to vent to unbiased people.

In your situation id probably tell DH they're treating you like shit because they're following DHs suit, instead of supporting you he starts telling you that it's your fault!

And your son needs pulling up, they speak to you like that, they need to lose something, go to the naughty step, their room. Somewhere. Then talk to them about being disrespectful before they can continue their game etc.

I'd be pissed off in your situation too

[UhtredRagnarson]

How on earth did the DH become an abuser already!?

This is MN. He’s automatically in the wrong from the off.

[Shnuffles]

Agree w/ PP that there are multiple issues at play here. Your husband isn't being very helpful, but if it's true that you have a hostile relationship with your mother, your children will pick up on that, and it will also affect how you approach parenting.

You don't have to put up with disrespectful treatment from your children, but it would help if you and your husband were on the same page. You can work on it on your own, though, if your husband's not supportive.

[abeanbaked]

This seems to be a thing with certain, poorly disciplined (IMO) children these days. My nephew said it to me before, he will get pretty angry if he loses a game and it's never his own doing 🙄 too much tech fries their brains. I did the whole 'how dare you speak to me like that' and took the game away, his mum came and re instated it and told me I shouldn't be so hard as he is only a kid who is upset at his game 🙄

It doesn't sound like you and your husband are on the same level with parenting/discipline. I do hope you took the game away though. And eat their Easter eggs.

[FreedFromHomeSchooling]

At times like these, I use the very cutting phrase my Mum used to use on me - “How dare you speak to me like that!”
It makes them question their behaviour & shows them where your boundaries are.
DH is another problem entirely- don’t know enough to comment.

[LaceyBetty]

Abusers like to turn it around on you and make you feel like everything is your fault.

How on earth did the DH become an abuser already!?

[LuaDipa]

It's more likely that the kids are copying your husband in talking and treating you like shit and he knows that. Abusers like to turn it around on you and make you feel like everything is your fault. He sounds a bit of c u next Tuesday.

This was my thought too.

[daisyjgrey]

This whole this is mad.

Why would your kids accuse of you making them lose the game just by being in the same room.

Why would you ever use the phrase "slapped my face off"?

If your mum genuinely would've slapped you for being rude, that's a problem in itself.

How do you talk to your mum? Presumably his comment hasn't come from now where?

[UhtredRagnarson]

But they’re not helping, they’re making OP want to delete the thread.

Take an educated guess why OP is upset!

No I’d rather know exactly what she needs help with rather than guessing. Thanks.

[SaltedCaramelIcedLatte]

@CarefulNoww

I would have taken the switch off them and told them they can have it back when they've learned some manners.

Agree with this and your husband sounds like an unsupportive twat

[Meowchickameowmeow]

he responded it’s your fault because you speak to your own mum like shit so the kids are copying you

It's more likely that the kids are copying your husband in talking and treating you like shit and he knows that. Abusers like to turn it around on you and make you feel like everything is your fault. He sounds a bit of c u next Tuesday.

[stackemhigh]

@UhtredRagnarson

Ignore the ‘what are you asking?’ posts, as they’re not helping.

Don’t be so rude! People need to know what it is OP wants opinion/advice on before they can offer it!

But they’re not helping, they’re making OP want to delete the thread.

Take an educated guess why OP is upset!

[UhtredRagnarson]

that is an odd thing to accuse someone of.

Agree it’s too specific to have come from nowhere.

[CarefulNoww]

I would have taken the switch off them and told them they can have it back when they've learned some manners.

[LaceyBetty]

And I'm confused as to what your DP said that was so rude. Why would he say you speak to your mother badly if not true? That is an odd thing to accuse someone of.

[LaceyBetty]

Why don't you discipline your child for speaking to you like that?

[UhtredRagnarson]

Ignore the ‘what are you asking?’ posts, as they’re not helping.

Don’t be so rude! People need to know what it is OP wants opinion/advice on before they can offer it!

[stackemhigh]

Ignore the ‘what are you asking?’ posts, as they’re not helping.

YANBU it sounds like the kids are learning from their father how to treat you, and it’s not good.

You need to stand up for yourself.

Cancel the Easter treat for a start, and tell them
It’s because they were rude.

I hope you didn’t leave the room?

[Lemmeout]

Your not so “D” H is a twat and lucky you seem to see something in him. By the sounds of it it is his rudeness to you that has rubbed off on the children. If that is even the case, children are selfish little sods sometimes. I would have said don’t be so rude and removed the previous device.

[Midlifelady]

There are three different issues here: how your kids speak to you; how your husband does, and your victim mentality. Address each separately.

[Shinyletsbebadguys]

Its hard to tell just from your post and no I wouldn't tolerate DP speaking to me like that.

That said , we did run into a round of negative behaviour and entitlement aimed at me from DC 8 and 5.

DP did gently say to me that I had sort of allowed it. I had fallen into the trap that I was mum and so a safe space where they could act out. I was strict with their behaviour to everyone else but to me I had let it slide. DP pointed out that if I didn't hold them to account then why would they need to be respectful. I had let thank you 's dissappear, they began to demand i got them food etc.

We had a clear conversation with them that I was a person too and we now have a rule. Everyone in the house is 25 % of the whole so is to be respected in the same way (with caveats for safety , parenting etc). I draw a hard line with disrespectful behaviour to me now and it has worked wonders but I will admit DP had had to speak to me.

Your DH is wrong in the way he said it and ironically I can be hard on DP , he gets away with a lot less than DC and would be told in no uncertain terms not to speak to me like that. But is it possible you have fallen into the " Mum doesn't count trap " like I did ?

[UhtredRagnarson]

Is there any truth in you speaking to your mum poorly? You say she would have slapped your face off so sounds like you didn’t have a good relationship growing up and that has maybe continued into your adult life.

How does DH speak to you? How do you speak to him? How do you both speak to DC?