AIBU - work meeting on my day off

[Nee2125]

Please tell me what you think - I’ve been asked to go in for a virtual meeting tomorrow on my day off. It will be for around 45 minutes. I was okay about it but just now I’m feeling angry and resentful. I’m a people pleasing doormat and I’m trying to change. Now I don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable about this or I should be pissed off.

What do the rest of you think? Just for context I’ll have one little one at home and other 2 will be in nursery and school. They did arrange meeting on time I told them my little has a nap. I’m thinking of going for meeting and at the end saying something or waiting till I see them face to face.

[WineIsMyMainVice]

This really depends very much on what level you are in the organisation I think. As a manager I have to do this all the time. Regularly.
But actually they’ve been accommodating in trying to organise it around you.
Do you know what the meeting is about? It might be something really important and therefore a chance to show how/if you are committed to the job. But if you can’t be arsed then just show them that by not showing up. If you can’t attend due to a more valid reason (such as baby not gone down for nap or is unwell) then phone and tell them that.
You’re under no obligation. But don’t let it stress you out. Up to you.

[LaurieFairyCake]

Then change 🤷‍♀️

You get to choose whether to go, or not

Even now

If you feel resentful it's ok, even now, to say actually I'm not available tomorrow

With no further explanation - it's your day off

You CAN do this

Everything is a choice

[RestingPandaFace]

I think if you have agreed, even if you’re regretting it now, you should go. However, when you get back in work you should tell them that it threw the whole routine off and you can’t do it again.

[eatsleepread]

I wouldn't sweat it for the sake of 45 minutes! A two hour meeting would be different.

[mynameiscalypso]

I agree that it depends - my non working day is Thursday but I already have two meetings in the diary. Last Thursday, I joined a two hour meeting in the afternoon with my toddler on my lap (he weirdly loved it mainly because a lot of my colleagues have cats). But I am paid well and my flexibility is recognised and rewarded by my employer. It also means that if, for example, I want to finish at 3pm on Friday, that's totally fine with everyone.

[JesusIsAnyNameFree]

I'm not sure I would call them accommodating.. They haven't really organised it around the OP, as it's still on her day off.

It's hard isn't it? I've had to do this so many times. I'm not a manager, but pretty high up, though not so high up I feel I should be asked to do these things.
I've had to do loads and loads of meetings during my days off and even interviews that usually take 2 hours. That's a quarter of a working day. It makes me incredibly angry but it never feels like a choice, especially not right now. You can't exactly say "oh no I'm sorry, I'm actually off to Devon to see my nan for the day so I won't be able to do that". We are just sat here unable to do anything, they know that and I feel they take advantage of it.

[eatsleepread]

But yes, tell them that you will be unwilling to do it again in future. Otherwise you'll (understandably!) feel resentful, and that's no good for anyone.

[TeaAndBrie]

Will it benefit you to attend? Are you expected to discuss something or is it likely you may get allocated actions if you were absent?
Have you done this before?
I think you need to manage expectations and if you’re not keen then say that you will not be doing it any longer and you are not contactable whilst not at work unless it is genuinely urgent.

[Nee2125]

Thank you all. Yes I’ll do it tomorrow. Hopefully baby clubs will open up soon so I’ll have a genuine excuse. I think it’s a build up of feeling they don’t really care about their employees. I did 5.5 months free work for them before I even joined! They kept telling me I had to join the virtual meetings but refused to pay me before my contract started. Others also in same boat so I didn’t push.

It’s definitely not a senior job. It’s very little money actually and now I’m part time even less

[memberofthewedding]

You can always have a child who is fretful/has a temperature/falls down and hurts themselves/unstable wifi connection. These things happen.

[Nee2125]

I’m thinking of handing my notice in, been looking for alternative jobs. But location is so convient

[JeanClaudeVanDammit]

I don’t think you can tell them you’re ok with it but then be angry and resentful for them thinking you’re ok with it. Just say no to meetings on your day off. I don’t work Wednesdays and I will not accept any meetings on that day. So no one tries any more.

[AvocadosBeforeMortgages]

Do you have a time off in lieu system?

[Lollypop701]

You agreed to do it. You need better boundaries. You are absolutely allowed this, because you don’t work some days. You are not paid.l! If it’s flexible, fine, take time elsewhere if you are ok with this, If you choose to work on your own time, that’s fine too. But please don’t say yes and then moan, because no one at work hears you so you gain nothing. Ps I Don’t work full time hours...

[JesusIsAnyNameFree]

@JeanClaudeVanDammit

I don’t think you can tell them you’re ok with it but then be angry and resentful for them thinking you’re ok with it. Just say no to meetings on your day off. I don’t work Wednesdays and I will not accept any meetings on that day. So no one tries any more.

They shouldn't ask in the first place. I can't see myself ever having employees and asking them to do work on their days off.
They ask because they know it's a very hard spot to be put in and people will buckle because we feel bad saying no.

[sunflowertulip]

I agree to these sorts of meetings if I can as I value the flexibility both ways. If you get no flexibility back I get why you're annoyed. I quite often change my hours or days to suit me (work equivalent of 3 days) so I try to be as accommodating as I can to business needs so it keeps working for them and me.

[Nee2125]

I felt like the request was no choice as it was sent out to a group of us and it said if this falls on your non working day we still expect you to attend just let us know what time is convenient so I didn’t think I just responded with the time my little one naps

[freeandfierce]

Regular occurrence for me as a teacher. I had one days annual leave today but had to attend a three hour meeting for next year's plans. It's just how it is in teaching it seems.

[ZenNudist]

Why dont you just say sorry you have to cancel and can't work on day off any more. If they ask why say you aren't being paid and you realise its up to you to set boundaries.

[breatheinskipthegym]

You did 5 and a half months’ free work? You have a very hard task ahead of you of expecting them to appreciate your time, when you ‘gave’ so much from the outset.

If you don’t want to take meetings outside of working hours, then don’t. Decline firmly but assertively. “I’m afraid I don’t work in a Thursday, so cannot attend this.” They’ll either get the hump, or respect you more. Either way, seems only good can come.

[MixedUpFiles]

This really depends on your job role and the amount of flexibility and autonomy you have.
I sometimes have to take meetings on my days off. However, I’m also a senior employee and set my own schedule and my own hours. I haven’t asked permission to use my leave in the last 15 years, I just make a declaration.

[sweeneytoddsrazor]

I would say it depends if there are a number of you that all have to attend and it was on a day the majority worked then I can see why it is scheduled in for that day. But I would expect paying for it or time off elsewhere.

[Cocomarine]

You worked for free for 5.5 months?
Can you explain what you mean there?

I regularly do work / attend meetings on days off. I’m fairly senior and it’s not quite expected (only when it’s a crisis rather than just helpful) but always appreciated. It’s part of my very high personal rating on the bonus scheme so I do in a way get paid something for it, indirectly. I also have a lot of flexibility in return.

[TerribleZebra]

Next time say you can't make that day but you're free on Sunday - they will soon get the point and stop asking. It's the curse of the part time worker and you need to feel empowered to say no to work outside of your contracted days.

[NurseButtercup]

I disagree with other posters. I'm not coming in for training or attending meetings on my day off. I already give away enough free hours during the days I do work.

I'm willing to be flexible and swap my day off to accommodate being at work for meetings & attending training.

The problem with giving away part of your day off to work, is that you don't get the opportunity to switch off & have a rest from work. You wake up thinking about the work meeting that you need to fit in around chores & personal stuff you do on your day off.

I think it's perfectly acceptable to be clear and state that you cannot attend meetings on your day off, because it's your day off.