AIBU - work meeting on my day off

[Nee2125]

Please tell me what you think - I’ve been asked to go in for a virtual meeting tomorrow on my day off. It will be for around 45 minutes. I was okay about it but just now I’m feeling angry and resentful. I’m a people pleasing doormat and I’m trying to change. Now I don’t know whether I’m being unreasonable about this or I should be pissed off.

What do the rest of you think? Just for context I’ll have one little one at home and other 2 will be in nursery and school. They did arrange meeting on time I told them my little has a nap. I’m thinking of going for meeting and at the end saying something or waiting till I see them face to face.

I used to work 2 days in one job and 3 days in the other. I couldn't accommodate meetings on my 'day off' as I worked somewhere else.

Do they operate and official or unofficial for that matter time off in lieu system so you can at least get this time back. Is it a meeting where you need to actively participate or listen? If it’s listening I’d say something about the kids and then turn the camera off and do some chores or a yoga video or something as a one up to you. Then learn to say no / decline meeting invite.

The problem with giving away part of your day off to work, is that you don't get the opportunity to switch off & have a rest from work. You wake up thinking about the work meeting that you need to fit in around chores & personal stuff you do on your day off

Exactly. This is always the way. It's never first thing in the morning, it's 3 in the afternoon, bang slap in the middle of the day and you end up not being able to do things you wanted to do.
You can't go to the forrest for a walk with the family because what if there's traffic and it ends up taking 2 hours to get back even though it should only take 40 minutes?
You can't sit down and watch a film with your kid because the meeting starts in 70 minutes and he wants to watch it with you like you normally do on your days off.
No point starting that cake now either because if it ends up taking 10 minutes extra to bake like it sometimes does, you would have to turn it off before it's ready to attend the meeting.

Depends on the context. But

I did 5.5 months free work for them before I even joined!
you did what?

Don't do it, it will just go on and on. It's really bad they expect this from a day you're not working for all they know you have a second job. I've had more than one job at one time with different shifts
Even three at one point! Tomorrow just say sorry but little one was having a cranky day and you had to take them out in the pushchair for a walk. Or nappy incident when said meeting time comes up. Then say you have some baby group from next week. I like the suggestion of the meeting being on a Sunday that's a good one.

If you attend the meeting on a non work day can you take the time in lieu?

5.5 months free so basically during lockdown everything went online and I was told I need to be present for the meetings to get me ready for when job starts. I asked if I could get paid for this but answer was no. I made it clear I don’t want to work for free and response was it will help me settle into job so I attended and did the work to get me ready. I started declining some meetings towards the end and just did the odd one every couple of weeks so it was spread over 5.5 months until my contract started but not everyday. Towards end was like every 2 weeks

I dont do any meetings on my day off.
I feel working from home already imposes on home life and blurs the boundaries making it difficult to switch off from work mode anyway. Doing a 45 minute meeting isnt just a 45 minute meeting, you have to work your day off around bloody work.
Not surprised you're a bit resentful now OP.
If you have a choice next time firmly say NO

I think it depends

1. If this is a regular every day meeting or something big and
2. If they are flexible with you.

I personally wouldn't mind as my work wouldnt routinely ask me, only for something really important say a restructure where they wouldnt want people finding out from work friends second hand. And I am flexible with them and often agree to work calls on my day off etc...but then I went a cycle today because it was sunny, and started an hour later yesterday because i slept badly...but then I worked a couple of hours extra tonight because I was finishing something off. So give and take.

The 'its expected' thing would piss me off though. It's ok to ask but unless its something really extraordinary, they can't effectively tell you to work unpaid overtime on a non working day or dictate what you are doing on your free time.

Dont agree to it and then say something afterwards though. I think you need to say no next time. Just say you're out for the day or have plans and wont be available. Or if they keep expecting it regularly then have a word with someone that you are effectively being asked to work on your weekend.

@Nee2125

5.5 months free so basically during lockdown everything went online and I was told I need to be present for the meetings to get me ready for when job starts. I asked if I could get paid for this but answer was no. I made it clear I don’t want to work for free and response was it will help me settle into job so I attended and did the work to get me ready. I started declining some meetings towards the end and just did the odd one every couple of weeks so it was spread over 5.5 months until my contract started but not everyday. Towards end was like every 2 weeks

What the hell kind of job do you do?! Why would you have joined meetings for 5.5 months? (you obviously didn’t make it clear that you didn’t want to work for free!)

I can see that a company wouldn’t have an easy mechanism for paying you before your start date - especially if there was a budget ban of agency work, for example, so they couldn’t do it that way. So I’d join a few meetings leading up to a start date if I thought it would benefit me. But why did you join them nearly half a year ahead?

I'm in a reasonably senior role and completely autonomous. I'm part-time & get asked to attend meetings on my off days all the time, always a 'one off'. If someone pushes the issue I point out that if I did all these 'one-offs' I would never have a single day off. They've always backed down.

I have a rule:
Important one-off external meeting with multiple other people (i.e. a nightmare to arrange) - will attend if I can. I then rearrange my week so stop earlier another day/take TOIL during school hols or something.
Regular internal meeting - no. I ask them to rearrange for a day when I can attend.
One-off internal meeting - no
One-off internal extremely important meeting - maybe, do if I can

I'm more flexible now than when the children were really young though. I often have to travel at weekends, and rarely get to make all the time up again. I can start/finish work when I like though so flexibility in other ways, that part compensates, and reasonably well paid.

Send a message after tomorrow's meeting.

I will not be attending any further meetings scheduled on my days off. Please just email the minutes. I will take back x time from today on y day.
Kind regards,

In future they will be asking you to physically attend. So this will not just be the time for the meeting. It will be travel time, the "oh hang on I need to catch you up with xyz. Well as you are here you can just . . . .", which could cause child care issues and costs, problems with the school run etc. Not to mention no pay for your time on your "day off".
They have already shown that they are willing to exploit your time. It is time for you to tell them that you will no longer accept it.

I think you probably just ought to attend tomorrow’s meeting because you have said you will but have a phrase prepared in your mind in case it crops up again. I like “I’m afraid I have other commitments on Tuesday and have no availability on that day”. They are not entitled to know what you are doing instead; ‘commitments’ sounds professional but tells them nothing. If your commitment is at Tumble Tots or the hairdressers, that’s your business.

I have never understood the point of having a day off if there is an expectation you are available to do anything work related on that day. If you do have to do something for work then it is not a day off. Even if it is only 45 minutes that is not the point. That time intrudes on your time away from work it could break up the day or cause you to have to work around that 45 minutes . We talk about importance of mental health. While I accept that at the moment everything is so stressed and working practices are not normal, before the world went mad, I felt it was most important to have your own time to be free to do whatever you wanted or needed to do without having to thinking about work. To be able to switch off( if you could!!!)

If I were you I wouldn’t hand your notice in unless you were 100% sure you had another job to go to. It never looks good handing your notice in and then trying to find employment. At least stick with the job until something else comes along.

Sounds like you realise they are taking you for a mug.

How disrespectful, booking a meeting on your day off! And when your child naps, that's supposed to be your chill time. Attend the meeting but I'd make sure your kid was awake, screaming and bouncing like a maniac on your knee.

Find another job, pronto.

I had a job where I regularly had to come out as the key holder when there was a break in. Sometimes it happened on a sunday or I was there late into the evening until the emergency workers came to secure the building. There was no option to outright refuse, as it was part of the responsibility of the job. The responsibility was supposed to be shared with my boss (who was the other keyholder and paid more than I was) . However he was often away at weekends - so he told me.

I thought hmmm two can play at that game.

After an incident of being called out by police at 5pm on a sunday and being there in an empty insecure building until 11 pm I decided enough was enough. There were no smart phones or mobiles back then (late 1970s). So one night when I heard the phone ring at 10.30 pm (none of my friends or family would call at that hour) I didnt answer, knowing it was the police. I put out all my lights, and did not answer the door when the police knocked sometime later. Assuming no one was home they eventually went away. They managed to get to my boss after all, just as he returned home from his little trip.

Oh joy, he had to do his job for once.

The annoying thing was that there were night security staff on duty at the head office and they had keys to all buildings. After these incidents the union made a great fuss and they began rousting out the security staff to do the job they were being paid for, rather than calling individual keyholders who may not even have transport.

Is the meeting always on the same day?

I feel like there are two scenarios here:

1. You requested pt saying “I can’t work Wednesday” and they asked you to still go to the weekly Wednesday meeting. Or
2. You work on a rota/the meeting is on a rota so it sometimes falls on a day you don’t work.

What weird job do you apply for nearly 6mths prior and have meetings online for?
What if you worked elsewhere?
I doubt they care if they managed to get you to do 5.5mths free work, or is it a case of online learning or courses prior to starting that didn't really benefit them or make them money but gave you experience?

Without details it makes no sense to me.

It's normal in teaching to get a job 6-9 months before the start date. If it was a senior role I can see the sense in being involved in some planning ahead but it wouldn't be regular. I have one afternoon off per fortnight and am pretty militant about protecting it. It's literally 3 hours and I'm not that crucial to anything that it can't be done at a different time. I do think it's easy to be a people pleaser and just agree but even if you're not busy, doing 'nothing' is actually a thing in itself.. You may deliberately plan to do nothing so its not a reason to say 'oh OK then'.

I’ve said no before to this request. I’m busy on my day off and that’s that. Work might not consider watching Netflix or having a nap ‘busy’ but tough. It’s my decision what to do on my day off.

Not a chance would I do this.

I have never understood the point of having a day off if there is an expectation you are available to do anything work related on that day.

It's less than ideal, and when you are on lower salaries, there doesn't seem to be any point at all.

Despite what most MN posters pretend, it tends to be the norm in many higher paid roles...There's always someone popping up saying they are on a 6 figure salary for a 9 to 5 job, but in the real world, bigger salaries tend to mean bigger responsibilities and being more on hand.

Being paid more does mean working more. In the case of someone like the OP who is not benefitting financially, it's not right.

I was going to say you have things on that day but they prob know nobody is going anywhere at moment!! Op suit yourself I used stay on if phones busy but he wouldnt pay it I just do my set times now

No. You do not normally have to go into work on your day off. You wouldn't be expected to turn up to an in-person meeting, so you shouldn't be expected to go to an online meeting. You've already agreed to this one, so go, but next time make it clear that if they want you there, it'll have to be on a work day.