Where's the school rape culture thread?

KimchiLaLa · 2021-03-30T09:36:14+00:00

Saw it is the lead item on BBC today but can't seem to find it here, even in education? Am I being blind?

deputydog72 · 30/03/2021 10:54

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ as poster is pbp. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Jengnr · 30/03/2021 11:04

Anybody else keep thinking ‘fuck off’ as they read that article?

Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 11:04

Connor, 18, tells me he is “relieved” to have avoided the recent furore on account of having been in a relationship for the past eight months. But just suppose, I ask, if you break up, and your girlfriend thinks back to that one occasion when she wasn’t really in the mood, but went along with it anyway? What about if she shares that incident, and your name, on social media, and refers to it as an example of assault?

WTF is this? That whole article is ‘ahhh, poor boys, women lie ALL THE TIME about sexual assault, how can we keep our boys safe?’

Surely a better way to keep everyone safe is to teach about enthusiastic consent as a very basic starting point?

‘She wasn’t really in the mood but went along with it anyway’ is sexual coercion.

Microwaveableteapot · 30/03/2021 11:05

Fucking hell, the Torygraph has hit a new low. "`What if your girlfriend didn't actually consent but you persuaded her anyway? What if you get held you account for your actions? What if you learnt about active, ongoing, enthusiastic consent and applied it to your relationship, which might mean you have sex a bit less? What if you lived in a world where women have the right to say no and have it respected and you're OK with that?' His face falls' I didn't think of that. A woman with rights? I mean, I didn't grab her off the streets, frankly I think I've been more than respectful' To which I can only say 'hear bloody hear old chum' "

tl;dr the men being made uncomfortable are the real victims!!

Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 11:06

Exactly! Talk about rape culture when one of our national newspapers tells people that if a boy pressurises his girlfriend into sex and she later complains, he’s somehow the victim!

starray · 30/03/2021 11:08

None of the testimonies on the EI website have gone through verification as to how truthful they are. No doubt many are true, but how many are not? All it takes is one false accusation to ruin someone's life. Anyone can post anything they like on the internet. Including me!

starray · 30/03/2021 11:10

I don't know why Soma Sara thought it would be a good idea to allow names of schools to be published alongside the testimonies. She must've known that the identities of the alleged perpetrators could not be kept secret that way. Guilty till proved innocent I guess!

starray · 30/03/2021 11:11

@Jengnr

Anybody else keep thinking ‘fuck off’ as they read that article?

No. I thought it was good to see the other side of the argument.

Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 11:14

@starray

None of the testimonies on the EI website have gone through verification as to how truthful they are. No doubt many are true, but how many are not? All it takes is one false accusation to ruin someone's life. Anyone can post anything they like on the internet. Including me!

I don’t know much about that website and it does seem to be poorly managed but false accusations are vanishingly rare. False accusations leading to any kind of conviction are even rarer again.

I also think there’s a kind of disconnect in the way we think about rape, or attacks - people often think it’s a stranger in an alleyway with a knife scenario, when it’s much, much more likely to be a hand up a skirt in a stairway or, as above, sexual coercion. There’s a whole spectrum of unwanted sexual behaviour that women have to put up with, and often from people they consider friends.

Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 11:15

No. I thought it was good to see the other side of the argument.

The other side of what argument?

BrumBoo · 30/03/2021 11:15

Let's not encourage MRAs and their rape/sexual assault denials please.

Blibbyblobby · 30/03/2021 11:19

Yet again, we see the totally genuine belief we must sadly accept that many women and girls are going to be assaulted, because the alternative of risking a small number of men being unfairly accused is just too dreadful to contemplate.

‘Cos women being assaulted is just the natural way of things, but men being discomforted is an affront to all right thinking people.

Jengnr · 30/03/2021 11:22

@starray

I’m pretty certain we’ve all been living with the ‘other side of the argument’ for years. If there’s one thing we don’t need more of it’s men whining about not being able to assault us with impunity.

Pumperthepumper · 30/03/2021 11:27

[quote Jengnr]@starray

I’m pretty certain we’ve all been living with the ‘other side of the argument’ for years. If there’s one thing we don’t need more of it’s men whining about not being able to assault us with impunity.[/quote]
I just can’t understand where the argument is in the statement ‘we need to protect women and girls from sexual assault’. And the ‘other side’ seems to be ‘but what if boys get offended?’ It’s ridiculous.

LakieLady · 30/03/2021 11:29

@Jengnr

Anybody else keep thinking ‘fuck off’ as they read that article?

Yep.

More attempts to undermine women's and girls' reliability as witnesses.

No doubt false allegations are made, from time to time, but I bet the proportion is tiny. And I bet it's minuscule compared to the number of sex crimes that go unreported.

Jeez, if I'd reported every time I was groped on crowded tubes when I was commuting, I'd never have been out of the police station.

TulipFields · 30/03/2021 11:32

The Telegraph is absolute gutter press.

LexMitior · 30/03/2021 11:32

On balance it’s not a bad thing, is it? I’d say if teenage boys think there are consequences or something to lose for them, they will be careful.

That’s how it should be. The age of criminal responsibility is 10. Yes allegations are very serious, but it’s necessary to discuss rather than say not my boys etc. It is someone’s boy.

What some of these parents may be worried about is their own culpability. Schools and parents should set very clear boundaries about what is and isn’t acceptable. And it should be enforced.

For example, sexualised comments at me in the workplace? Dealt with. Why should children get less than that? Less than a grown woman. The answer is they shouldn’t.

LakieLady · 30/03/2021 11:33

And, if "George" is worried about his son "misinterpreting passivity as consent", he needs to have a chat with him about active consent and not making assumptions.

Except "George" plainly can't, because he doesn't appear to get it himself.

cannotchange · 30/03/2021 11:48

A few weeks before this story broke, my DD was coming home from school telling me all the names she was being called by the boys, (she is in yr 8) , these were :

A fat ugly whore - when she asked a question in class
A dumb bitch
A ginger c*nt

The past week as a 'joke' she has been told by a boy that he was going to come and rape me ( as her mother)
She was called an 'object' yesterday

To add to this in her PE lessons she has to play football with the boys - why are girls being made to play football with boys , by this age they are much stronger and quiet rough ????? What about what sports the girls night want to play ????
how on earth do we raise our girls to have a strong sense of self worth in the middle of this shit show

I am absolutely fuming and I am certain that this attitude prevails at every school in the country. Her school is Catholic btw

That Telegraph article is disgusting - let's feel sorry for the boys !!!!! WTF

Mittens030869 · 30/03/2021 11:57

I’m pretty certain we’ve all been living with the ‘other side of the argument’ for years. If there’s one thing we don’t need more of it’s men whining about not being able to assault us with impunity.

Definitely, it’s so depressing, as a mum of two DDs of 13 and 9, that this is where we are in 2021.

LakieLady · 30/03/2021 12:01

To add to this in her PE lessons she has to play football with the boys - why are girls being made to play football with boys , by this age they are much stronger and quiet rough ?????

Y8 is what, 12-13 years old?

I know loads of boys/men who are bloody enormous at 13. One friend's son was over 6' and 13 stone at that age.

Completely inappropriate imo.

AlexaShutUp · 30/03/2021 12:10

I feel so incredibly sorry for these poor teenage boys and men who live in fear of being accused of sexual harassment or assault. It must be absolutely terrifying.

I honestly don't know why women and girls can't just keep quiet about all of the harassment/assault/rape etc that they experience, and why they can't just suck it up so that the boys can be boys without having to worry about it.

Nonmaquillee · 30/03/2021 12:15

@Jengnr

Anybody else keep thinking ‘fuck off’ as they read that article?

Yes.

LostInTime · 30/03/2021 12:16

@deputydog72 I'm glad your thread was deleted. The article you post on this one is also "aw, what about the boys". It perpetuates the myth that women change their minds, are fickle, make things up about the assaults and sexual violence they experience.

George admits he behaved inappropriately as a teen, but rather than teach his son to respect girls and women and treat them appropriately, he worries about his daughter being on the receiving end of looks and catcalls.

LexMitior · 30/03/2021 12:16

@cannotchange

A few weeks before this story broke, my DD was coming home from school telling me all the names she was being called by the boys, (she is in yr 8) , these were :

A fat ugly whore - when she asked a question in class
A dumb bitch
A ginger c*nt

The past week as a 'joke' she has been told by a boy that he was going to come and rape me ( as her mother)
She was called an 'object' yesterday

To add to this in her PE lessons she has to play football with the boys - why are girls being made to play football with boys , by this age they are much stronger and quiet rough ????? What about what sports the girls night want to play ????
how on earth do we raise our girls to have a strong sense of self worth in the middle of this shit show

I am absolutely fuming and I am certain that this attitude prevails at every school in the country. Her school is Catholic btw

That Telegraph article is disgusting - let's feel sorry for the boys !!!!! WTF

Okay. What are the school doing about it? Anything?

Seriously name the school.