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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Where's the school rape culture thread?

53 replies

KimchiLaLa · 30/03/2021 10:36

Saw it is the lead item on BBC today but can't seem to find it here, even in education? Am I being blind?

OP posts:
MarieIVanArkleStinks · 31/03/2021 12:40

Yeah, because a rape claim that opens you up to bullying, harassment, and slut shaming is just so much fun to do when nothing's actually happened. It's why there's such a high report rate!

Even on a lower level - ie reporting sexual harassment in my workplace - has had horrible repercussions: for me.

The internal inquiry found in my favour and he was close to retirement - dirty old letch - so he jumped before he was pushed.

Ahead of the resolution meetings I read some witness reports that broke my heart. Colleagues, people I'd respected, siding with him, saying he'd never done such a thing before (I know that not to be true) and basically assassinating my character. For a year after reading these reports I spent my time wanting to hide in a corner. Now some years later I am civil but distant with those colleagues. If they want to side with a sex pest they'll get nothing but the required basic level of workplace civility from me, and I won't interact with them if I can help it.

Society would far, FAR rather believe the woman is lying than that their eccentric, avuncular colleague is a sexual-harasser.

On the plus side, his behaviour made me really unwell and I at last recognised the symptoms of cPTSD - a hangover from child abuse and two teenage rapes - and had them successfully treated. In the end I suppose you could say he did me a favour.

But make no mistake about it, reporting this sort of behaviour from men does end in lengthy repercussions for women. It's a rot that goes to the root of our society and culture.

Kotatsu · 31/03/2021 12:48

This idea that it ruins a boys reputation if a girl says what he did to her is ridiculous. If he did it, that should be his reputation! And in my experience, it's the girl who gets the flack for the boy's behaviour anyway - it's her 'reputation' that's ruined, because she had whatever it was happen to her.

I'm also incredulous that this is a surprise to anyone. I remember having my boobs grabbed etc. at school, and I was so embarrassed at being touched there, and it was so common, that it didn't even occur to me to tell someone - all it would have taken is a couple of assemblies pointing out that this was unacceptable, and then giving the girls a way to report it, and following through on punishing the boys, and they could have stamped it out if they wanted.

Yetano · 03/04/2021 11:05

@georgarina

Ughh.

Yeah, because a rape claim that opens you up to bullying, harassment, and slut shaming is just so much fun to do when nothing's actually happened. It's why there's such a high report rate!

This, why isn't it obvious to more people.
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