AIBU to want to be a SAHM

[lemmeavabru]

To start, I am very part time but it is a professional job with responsibilities. I've worked on a postgraduate qualification to get this job. But I still feel it's too much!

I have multiple kids one with severe SN and I'm her carer. On top of this all the housework falls to me. DH helps when he can. Finances are ok for now. I did the qualification and took the job more for future security. I do enjoy the job but not the stresses that go with it. I've a had lesser jobs in the past but felt unfulfilled.

I feel drained all the time. Like I'm not doing either job well. This has been going on for a few years whilst I was studying but I soldiered on but now I just want to give it up and become a SAHM for a while.

My worry is though re future job prospects.
Thanks for reading

How many hours do you work, and how many DC do you have/what ages are they?

Keep your job. If you leave, going back will be extremely difficult if not impossible - professional jobs with responsibilities usually need people with up to date skills. Also, you will lose yourself even more. You are giving him all control and even more ammunition to tear you down for not contributing financially.

Keep the job and think about your marriage...seriously think if this is how you want to live because you sound pretty smart and impressive, you deserve to be treated well.

OP I’d be looking into starting divorce proceedings tomorrow. I really, truly would. You would be so much better off on your own. You’d get half of assets and probably his pension and could buy your own little house and do as you bloody please without having to worry about him. He’s absolutely shocking, no way could I stay married to him for a moment longer. Life would be so much easier if you weren’t dealing with all the daily resentment and criticism from your marriage.

Definitely don’t give up your job just yet.

Thank you everyone.

I really really do want to leave. But logistics makes it hard. The kids and the finances. The house needs renovating and it would be difficult to sell and get a decent sized house with the kids. I've been scouring for houses in our area and even went to see a couple but it just doesn't feel right.

I know my life would be easier without him around. I feel it in my gut. But I feel now is not the time. I actually thought that once I got the qualification and job I'd leave but now we've started the house. It would feel unreasonable to get him to pitch in with footing some of the bill and most of the labour of renovating/organising builders (he's also controllong about this) for me to then say oh by the way, move out.

There are some really good practical suggestions here and I'm going to try and use the Easter break to organise myself.
Maybe sort out proper childcare for the younger ones. No breakfast club for SN dc.
Cook and prep food at weekends
Have a rotating for the kids re cleaning
Try to get a cleaner

Never mind a SAHM I'd be LTB.
Please don't do it , it won't stop him being vile.
Let him have the kids on his contact time and see what decent meals he can conjure up.

rotation*

I do feel lucky my work is only 5 min away from kids school. My manager would love for me to do more hours. I went up for a few weeks but felt I couldn't cope and reduced the hours again.

You are both working yet you have all the household and childcare responsibilities.

Why? You are working as well. It's too much and it's unfair.

Need to discuss this with your DH.