To think I'm never going to find a relationship ...

[Howaboutit88]

Can't do the apps - just can't bear them. Hopeless romantic who wants to meet someone special after a long but mostly mis-matched marriage. How do people really meet if not online these days....?

Approaching 40 with two DC aged 12 & 9.... help me feel more positive and like this isn't it for me 😞 any happy stories very welcome!

Honestly I think if you want to find someone you need to make an effort to do it.

The most obvious way is apps, especially with covid.

The next (although less likely to be successful) is to find some sort of hobby that you enjoy but that is likely to attract men. Eg. Not a knitting group or a craft workshop.

It's a total bore but I just went on lots of (mostly dull) online dates and finally met DH on Tinder 6 years ago.

You could wait to bump into your perfect match in the deli section of the supermarket, but let's face it- that's not very likely. Why would a man put himself out by asking out a stranger who might not even be single, when he can go online and have unlimited dating potential?

Like everything else in life, for most people, you get out what you put in.

Yeah that is fair and I do understand what you are saying - I just have some real trust issues around the apps and some negative experience which has really put me off going there again. Perhaps I will get to a place where I have to try again but I'm not there at the moment....

I could have written your post OP. I have never used apps and never will ,having seen what friends have experienced.

I am 49 and 2 DC's 15 and 21 ( 21 yr old moved out now ) so while i have children they are not young iyswim and not part of my package. Divorced for 3 yrs. I have met people through work. When i say met i mean i get a lot of attention and interest from men that i work with and also people i see in the course of my work. Colleagues also try to set me up with their single friends that sort of thing. In saying that, i have to be really really attracted to someone to go on a date with them. Not necessarily looks but something about them that that gives me butterflies. I just don't feel it so don't encourage or reciprocate. I could therefore have dates if i wanted them. I do want dates just not with the guys who are asking me!

I have not given up on meeting someone and i am hoping when restrictions fully lifted , i will be able to do more things to get myself out there. I did take my 14 yr old golfing this morning for the first time. I hate golf but thought it would be a way of getting out of the house. I did notice that there were lots of men with DC's there. I am sure some of them would be single/divorced. Very relaxed atmosphere. Have you thought about trying something like that?

@KatherineofOregon oh I'm glad it's not just me who is app averse! Back when I met DH these things weren't around and so it's not easy to see it as the way to meet although I know it is now....

I also hope I'll be able to get out more and enjoy life when restrictions lift and in so doing maybe I might stand more chance of crossing paths with a special someone. The golf idea sounds good! I'm up for anything in order to get myself out there really, especially after the isolation of the past year..

Like you I consider I've got fairly high standards and so need to meet someone who I can be compatible with on a number of levels, plus the physical attraction. Awww it just feels like it's never going to happen some days for me. I know I would be ok on my own, but I just would rather share life with a partner. To me, love, passion, friendship... companionship would be great. But has to be with the right person.

I find the paid for sites better as if someone is paying to put themselves online then they are serious. I met DH on match 14 years ago (no app just the website). I did have to sift a lot of dross, I didn’t take it too seriously and had a lot of fun for a year then met DH.

That's a good point @BashfulClam thanks. I'm glad you found someone and it has worked out. Many of the apps are full of fake profiles, time wasters, avoidant men it seems.... 😞

At 41 I met my now dh in a wine bar...
Been together over 8 years. Married with a dc now.. I had dc also. He didn't..

Do you meet people through work at all? Can you go on nights out when we are allowed to?

Just mingle. Lots 😊

That’s why I used a site with a fee. We both deleted our profiles together once we were ‘official’ lol

Is my single friend still around? Could you get someone to put you on it and deal with it?

Very limited if you won't use apps. I do have a friend who met a man at a tennis club and I'm not single, but could have had dated at my running club. You could search for 'meet up' groups near you, which are based around a hobby often e.g. photography or pub lunches. Or if you are headed towards 50 maybe U3A?

I hated online dating but you do have to do it nowadays if you want to meet someone.

It's a bit like worrying that you have no food in the house but saying you're not willing to go to the shops as you can't bear them.

A man isn't going to fall into your lap. You have to find one. You should be careful and meet them in public spaces etc. but if you're not putting yourself out there then nothing will change.

@Tigerchips

Do you meet people through work at all? Can you go on nights out when we are allowed to?

Just mingle. Lots 😊

It's possible but not majorly likely. Interactions are fairly fleeting in my work. Possibly if a single colleague showed interest but that's not necessarily the best idea I guess if it then doesn't work out and you work in the same place!

@NatalieShortman

I hated online dating but you do have to do it nowadays if you want to meet someone.

It's a bit like worrying that you have no food in the house but saying you're not willing to go to the shops as you can't bear them.

A man isn't going to fall into your lap. You have to find one. You should be careful and meet them in public spaces etc. but if you're not putting yourself out there then nothing will change.

Yes - you are right.... it does feel a bit like I have to do it or accept that I'm probably going to remain alone. I'm literally that stubborn though 😂 I probably would choose it over OLD! But thank you for the honesty.... helps to hear it from someone else.

Which sites do people find good other than Match? I've not had much luck so far as I've mentioned.

Most people I know meet at work, or through friends of friends, activities and groups.

@Seafog

Most people I know meet at work, or through friends of friends, activities and groups.

Maybe I should join a gym or sports club when they re-open...? 🤔

It will happen for you op. What i have noticed is that now i have finally become very picky and selective ( never used to be ,just wiser , more confident, now i am older) i get more attention than i ever did. I must be giving off some kind of vibe. I personally never want to marry again, or share a home or finances and make this clear. I would like an exclusive companion though, where we maintain our own homes etc but spend time together when we are child free, which is every weekend for me. Someone that i can be with when DC 2 leaves home , so i can have a romantic life for myself. I suppose i want all the good bits only. Men seem to find this attractive.

It will happen for you when you are least expecting it. Get out there and do stuff with and without the kids, you will eventually cross paths with a single fella who has been looking for you. Remember, single dads with DC's tend to take their kids to the exactly the same places single mums do!!! Football practice, rugby club, cricket club, gymnastics, dance class, cubs and brownies....its just building a connection over time by reacquaintance and conversation. I will prob get flamed for this but try always invest a bit of time in your hair and make up if you are heading out. No need to be ott but just the best presentation of yourself. And.... don't forget to book a pointless round of golf for you and the kids on a sunny day! It will tire the kids out if nothing else and not a single app in sight!

Waiting until life gets back to some normality and go to some nice bars with a friend, accept party invites, social media, connections through work, a concert, festival , gyms, single dads at school lol. I also think keep an open mind to OLD, only accept a date if you feel a connection with them.

I've tried Bumble, Tinder, Hinge and Match in the past, I've only been single for two years from marriage, found a bf through match and was together for just over a year, didn't work out long term but I guess I can't really expect to walk straight into a LTR. Match was a bit dire tbh the vast majority were not good quality men, I quite liked bumble though.

Take up some activity/join a group that's shared by women and men.Cycling club, walking, tennis, golf, nature conservation....

@Howaboutit88

Which sites do people find good other than Match? I've not had much luck so far as I've mentioned.

I don't know which are the best but avoid Tinder - it's pretty much a shagging app.

Thanks @KatherineofOregon I wish I had your positivity!

@Howaboutit88 you do!

I met my husband on Ok Cupid so it can be done; you just have to have a great screening process and don’t be put off by all the weirdos

As they say, with online dating the odds are good but the goods can be odd

I met my partner on tinder. We spoke for a good few months before meeting up and made sure we had a lot in common. We have been together four years and are very happy!
I know that’s the opposite of what people suggest (most people suggest that you meet up quickly to determine whether or not you’re wasting time) but I found after talking for a while we seemed to have a sort of friendship anyway so it was never going to be a waste, regardless of whether we were romantically matched or not.