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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder about dd scared of cat

68 replies

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 21:40

I have a cat, I’ve had the cat for 6 years but my dd who is 3 is terrified of her! Has anyone else’s child developed a fear of a pet? Aibu to ask how you get them past? It’s been for a long time now! She won’t go near her, screams if the cat comes near her , runs away from her etc

OP posts:

ForgedInFire · 28/03/2021 21:43

Following. Unfortunately both of my DDs are scared of our cat he is friendly but has a habit of swiping at ankles when he wants to be fed which is why they are scared

PercyPiginaWig · 28/03/2021 21:54

I'd see if a family member could foster the cat(s) for a while if my children were properly scared.
Failing that I'd look for a more permanent rehoming (of the pets in case it's not clear!).

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 22:49

No family that will have her, wasn’t thinking about rehoming the cat that’s a bit drastic I think

OP posts:

ViciousJackdaw · 28/03/2021 23:10

Could you rehome the DD?

PixieLaLa · 28/03/2021 23:15

I agree, rehome DD

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 23:15

I don’t have anyone that would take her either

OP posts:

PercyPiginaWig · 28/03/2021 23:47

I don't think it's drastic if this is your DD's home experience It’s been for a long time now! She won’t go near her, screams if the cat comes near her , runs away from her etc but I did ask if a family member could foster the cat for a while so you could either look at strategies or get DD reintroduced to the cat without stress.

I absolutely would rehome a pet and prioritise a human child although your username is Happycat not Happykid

Does the cat hurt her or scratch her? She is very young to be frightened in her own home.
I know a couple who rehomed their dog (a friend of mine took the dog).

Prospective adopters with pets are asked what they would do if there are issues with the child and the pet and the 'right answer' if they want to continue in the process is to rehome the pet.

activitythree · 28/03/2021 23:50

@Happycat1212

No family that will have her, wasn’t thinking about rehoming the cat that’s a bit drastic I think

It's not drastic to rehome the cat. You are expecting your daughter to get past a fear she has, meanwhile she is terrified. She won't suddenly get over a fear simply by exposure

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 28/03/2021 23:50

I thought the general consensus was that it was never ok to re home, people make out like you’re awful if you do! No she doesn’t hurt dd at all if she did then it would be different. I would want a cat either way as we had a big mice problem when we first moved here. I don’t know what’s caused her to be scared

OP posts:

activitythree · 28/03/2021 23:52

I thought the general consensus was that it was never ok to re home

That's clouded your judgement here. Forget it. You do what you have to do for your daughters

PercyPiginaWig · 28/03/2021 23:59

Agree your judgement is clouded OP if you think it's worse to rehome a cat than to have your child scared in her own home, her supposed safe space.

Yes some people might say don't rehome but I think that's more judgement for people who get fed up of their pet when children arrive or all those lockdown puppies bought by people with no clue about looking after dogs (although if they just can't be arsed the poor animals would probably be better off being rehomed).

Is the cat ever alone with DD, can you be sure it doesn't scratch or nip her or hiss or do something that is making her scared? Is DD able to tell you?

PuffItsGone · 29/03/2021 00:01

Yes another vote for rehousing DD. Cat was there first

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 29/03/2021 00:02

No she doesn’t say the cat has done anything, I’ve only ever seen people absolutely crucified for suggesting they re home a Pet so I guess that has clouded my judgment, like I said either way I would want a cat as we had a mouse problem that was out of control they were everywhere which is why I got the cat in the first place, so I was thinking there would be ways to over come it rather than just jumping to re homing. Like I said if she had actually hurt dd it would be different

OP posts:

Cocogreen · 29/03/2021 00:08

My 3 year old great niece is the same - because she was rough with the cat who hissed and took a swipe at her.
Now the 3 y.o. is terrified, but this happened once before 6 months ago and the cat and the child calmed down and ignored each other until this latest incident.

Champagneandmonstermunch · 29/03/2021 00:10

Can your DD say why she is scared of the cat?

DdraigGoch · 29/03/2021 00:13

She probably got swiped at once and remembers it. Better to help her learn how to safely live with cats. It won't last forever.

imalmostthere · 29/03/2021 00:18

Rehome the cat and put down mouse traps?? I couldn't keep an animal in my child's home where she was meant to feel safe, when it's terrifying her

Original poster

Happycat1212 · 29/03/2021 00:18

Possibly happened once but the cat isn’t vicious and none of the other children have ever been hurt, she isn’t saying what’s wrong she just says the cats name and screams

OP posts:

Mittens030869 · 29/03/2021 00:19

I’ve been where you are. I have 2 adopted DDs (now 12 and 9). We used to have four cats but we had to rehome one of them, because he had become aggressive to my DDs. It was a tough decision, but I found a great new home for him; his new owner keeps in touch and sends us pics. He’s very happy, and is being thoroughly spoiled.

I’m sorry that you’re in this position, but I agree with PPs that you need to rehome your cat for the sake of your DD. It’s sad for you, but it isn’t fair on her to be terrified in her own home.

AlCalavicci · 29/03/2021 00:26

When I was about the same as you DD I was terrified of our cat , she always hid under my bed and would jump out and swipe my feet /ankles when ever I got out of bed it made me jupm and I though she was going to attack me .
She never used her claws and was just playing but it took me quite a long time to get over it .
Is it possible the same thing is happening in your home ?
Can you block of the space under the bed so the cat has no where to hid and pounce from?

AlCalavicci · 29/03/2021 00:31

Posted to soon .

I would not get rid of the cat , can you stroke the cat / get it to sit on your knee while within sight of your DD , dont make a song and dance about it just subtly show you DD that the cat is friendly and over a week or two try to get your DD to play with the cat with bits of string / balls of paper ( so she is not actually having to touch the cat )

caringcarer · 29/03/2021 01:28

Could you put the cat on your lap and stroke her while calling your dd to come to you to get a toy or something. Teach her how to play with the cat. Sit dd on your knee and roll a jingle ball for cat. Tell your dd what a lovely cat. I would not rehome a cat if it has done nothing wrong, it is unfair. I love my 5 cats to bits and nothing would make me part with them. They are all friendly and don't bite or scratch. Has your dd pulled the cats tail or anything that could have provoked cat to kiss at her?

Hollywhiskey · 29/03/2021 07:22

Can you give the child and cat safe spaces from each other eg cats not allowed upstairs, cat has bed on shelf and cat flap? Try and reduce their interactions as much as possible. She has probably upset him and he swiped at her so they both need to learn to leave each other alone and coexist peacefully.
I certainly wouldn't start by rehoming him! I would gently work on their relationship under supervision after a while like by teaching her how to feed/stroke/play with him, but firstly I would want them to ignore each other.

TheWaif · 29/03/2021 07:30

My DD grew up scared of the cat. He is scared of children and had smacked her when she was a toddler. He doesn't go near her anyway though so it's not really an issue. She's nine now and still won't walk past him off if he's blocking a doorway.

CloudFormations · 29/03/2021 07:43

You don’t need to rehome the cat! You can help your daughter overcome her fear in a healthy way without the need to take drastic steps to remove the possibility of her experiencing fear. The latter approach is unhealthy and unsustainable.

If you google ‘child scared of cat’ there are loads of articles offering advice on overcoming it.

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