To wonder about dd scared of cat

[Happycat1212]

I have a cat, I’ve had the cat for 6 years but my dd who is 3 is terrified of her! Has anyone else’s child developed a fear of a pet? Aibu to ask how you get them past? It’s been for a long time now! She won’t go near her, screams if the cat comes near her , runs away from her etc

@activitythree

And what if the cat is rehomed and she develops a fear of something else? The television, her bed, a sibling - should they be removed too.

A fear of an animal isn't unrealistic. Your examples are more extreme and would indicate a much deeper issue.

Actually it is. If the cat was vicious you might have a point, but being afraid of a placid domestic pet is not realistic. It's irrational, which is fair enough because she is three, and three year olds aren't rational. That doesn't mean a parent should validate their fear.

Actually it is. If the cat was vicious you might have a point, but being afraid of a placid domestic pet is not realistic. It's irrational, which is fair enough because she is three, and three year olds aren't rational. That doesn't mean a parent should validate their fear.

It's not about validating her fear, it's about making her comfortable in her own home. It's that very basic.

If you get rid of the cat you’re reinforcing the idea that the cat is a scary thing. I think it really depends on how she is reacting in person OP. It sounds like it’s likely a phase, but it’s worth it if you interact with your daughter when the cat is in the room. Could you pet the cat and have her put her hand on top of yours as you stroke the cat? She needs positive interactions with the cat so that she can overcome her fears slowly.

My own plan of action would be to place the cat in a room (wherever is biggest) and put treats down around the room, involve your daughter in this. It can be a treasure hunt for the cat. She can watch the cat find the food around, and she could throw more treats for him to find. At the end you could tell her ‘ well done -cats name- loved that!!’ And ask her how she felt about it. Just go with her comfort level of closeness, if she wants to place and watch from outside the room then she can.

Ultimately, if the cat isn’t aggressive or an arsehole then I don’t think you should be reinforcing a lifelong phobia into a three year old. She doesn’t have to like the cat, but she can learn to ignore and move on.

It's not about validating her fear, it's about making her comfortable in her own home. It's that very basic.

You can make a 3yo comfortable without rehoming a much-loved family pet who hasn't actually done anything wrong.

Children are scared of all sorts of things. They scream and kick off about everything from brushing their hair, their peas touching their mash, and yes, about family pets too.

Three year olds don't work on logic. It's OP's job as a parent to help her overcome her fear - and she's had lots of excellent advice that doesn't involve giving the cat away for no reason whatsoever

Just to answer some things, she’s never been keen on the cat, she’s never shown interest in her, she’s never wanted to touch her or go near he, she wasn’t vocally scared just she didn’t have any interest in the cat. The cat isn’t around a lot and spends most of the time outside or sleeping, she’s never hurt any of the other children and I’ve asked dd why she’s scared but she says she doesn’t know, the cat does follow her sometimes and that does scare dd. We look at pictures of cats and she says they are cute 🤔 but even earlier when coming down the stairs the cat was at the bottom and she climbed over something just to avoid walking past her, the cat was just lying on the floor. The older children would be devastated about re homing her.

Honestly OP, there's absolutely no reason for you to re-home your cat! Please ignore the people saying that - the cat isn't aggressive or vicious - it's just being a cat, and like you say, you have other children to consider as well. You can't re-home a non-aggressive family pet on the whims of a three year old child.

If she doesn't want to interact, I would be inclined to ignore the hysterics, to be honest. Lots of children scream/shout/cry because it gets them attention as opposed to because they're actually upset or scared.

Just be matter of fact - "the cat is just sitting/lying there. It's not hurting you or approaching you. So there's no need to be scared, is there? Now, shall we do (insert activity of choice here) instead? Come along!"

Is she afraid of all cats? Like if you saw one who isn’t yours when out for a walk would she stroke it? Good way to try “see? This cat is friendly like our cat, he likes to be stroked too! Aww he’s purring” etc. I like the idea of the “reward”’chart thing someone else mentioned where she builds up to stroking the cat or playing with him.

Rehoming is way too drastic- the cat is part of the family and hasn’t done anything wrong, it sounds like it’s just going about it’s business regardless of how the OP’s daughter reacts to it. Hopefully they’ll be BFFs before you know it or at least they’ll be some mutual respect and no more screaming.

Why not involve your daughter in caring for the cat. Filling up the biscuit bowl and changing the water bowl for example.

I'd work on getting your dd used to the cat maybe a cute realistic looking kitten Teddy and maybe she can help with feeding. she can't realistically go through life screaming when she sees a cat. Teach her to keep her distance but no screaming or tears the cat will ignore her if she ignores it and hopefully her fear will fade.

My son went through a phase of being scared of mirrors. I did not remove all mirrors from my house

No you should not rehome your cat! We all know 3 year olds are not exactly rational....You can’t just start removing things that she doesn’t like/screams at what exactly is that teaching her?

PP have some good suggestions of getting DC involved with the cat in a positive way that I agree could really help. You don’t just get rid of your pet who was there first because your toddler screams at it.

My youngest niece was like this when she was little. Terrified of me. terrified of one of the nursery staff. Terrified of one of the helpers at the after school club etc. She couldn't explain why herself, so all we could do was work with her on conquering those fears. (or maybe DSis had conversations about rehoming me I just never knew

She’s not scared of anything else so she’s not just terrified of everything. Though re homing the cat never entered my mind, I was surprised to see so many jump to that as the first solution! We haven’t even seen the cat today she doesn’t harass dd all day, we have a cat app that’s called little kitten where it’s like a virtual cat and she loves that, like I said she’s always saying how cute cats are! Good suggestion about the cat teddy I will try that as well

No advice but my 3yo is terrified of my cat also. He has never done anything bad to her, he runs away in terror if he sees the kids and stays outside when they are about. So just saying it's not necessarily the cat's fault! She says he gave her 'a mean look'. I wouldn't dream of rehoming him (although I did buy him a little shed because I was sorry for him cowering outside in the rain).

If I rehomed everything my 3yo took against, the house would be rather empty!

The child is 3.
I would wait and see how things go. 3 year olds can be a fickle!

I know its different but my DN was afraid of dogs and would scream if one walked past. I took him and a friends dog out to a large park and whilst he was frightened within an hour he was happy to hold the dogs lead. I was very soothing. Telling him how much the dog loved him and wanted to be with him.

By the end of the morning my DN was a changed boy and very proud of himself.

Would your DD be interested in being responsible for feeding the cat? That might help the relationship.

My ds was scared of the cat around that age. Tbh like your cat, our cat was often out and about so their paths didn't cross often. If the cat was worrying him I would just move the cat. He grew out of his fear and is now mostly indifferent to the cat.