Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m feeling broody at 23

90 replies

broodyat23 · 28/03/2021 17:57

Am I being unreasonable for feeling broody at 23 years of age?

For the past few months, I’ve been feeling what can only be described as achingly broody. I’ve been dreaming about having babies, I’m weepy whenever I see families out and about together, my heart even aches when I hear a baby or a small child cry at the supermarket... am crazy to be feeling this way?

Let me be clear that I don’t want to have kids just yet - although I definitely want them someday. I’m still single, living on my own in a nice apartment and I’ve finally settled into my career with a permanent job and saving for a house. But I can’t ignore the indescribable longing to have babies.

I know it’ll happen when the time is right, but I feel like I’m losing my mind when I feel the sudden pang of emptiness when I see a Mum or a Dad with their child.

Anyhow rant over - I just needed to vent that somewhere!

OP posts:
firstimemamma · 28/03/2021 20:47

I felt intensely and desperately broody for every single minute of my adult life so I know how you feel! Became a mum at 28.

Flowers24 · 28/03/2021 20:49

I was also broody at 23 and had my first at 25!

RLJ1905 · 28/03/2021 20:50

I went through a really broody stage at 23/24 and had DH agreed, I likely would've been happy to get pregnant!
I'm SO glad he wasn't ready 😂 we're still together now and have our little 8 month old son but he's 36 and I'm 32. We have done so much in the 8 years that we wouldn't have been able to do so I'm really glad we waited

YANBU!

raspberryk · 28/03/2021 20:55

@LST Blush totally didn’t quite get what you meant but I do now. I think it may have less to do with your disability and more to do with age as I’m healthy but wouldn’t go back to babies for a million pounds!

It’s often trotted out here that by 30 people still aren’t ready and my mind boggles.

LST · 28/03/2021 20:57

[quote raspberryk]@LST Blush totally didn’t quite get what you meant but I do now. I think it may have less to do with your disability and more to do with age as I’m healthy but wouldn’t go back to babies for a million pounds!

It’s often trotted out here that by 30 people still aren’t ready and my mind boggles.[/quote]
Sorry no. Reading back my comment, I wasn't clear! I am glad I was finished by 23 though! DP too. Plus my kids have an amazing relationship with my nan and they never would have had that if I waited.

MySocalledLoaf · 28/03/2021 20:58

Are you on hormonal contraception? I felt like this when I was and it went away when I stopped using it.

CaptainSpirit · 28/03/2021 21:11

I get you OP, nothing wrong with feeling broody young! I actually think it's lovely to know for sure that you definitely want children someday.

I'm recently turned 25 and am pregnant with my third baby now (probably our last) - I gave birth to my older children when I was 21 and 23. I absolutely adore being a mum! Smile

elsaesmeralda · 28/03/2021 21:15

24 when I had ds, best thing I ever did.

AutoIncorrect · 28/03/2021 21:17

Had my first at 21, wish I’d waited. He’s 16 now and I feel like I’ve had no life. Think carefully OP.

Flowers24 · 28/03/2021 21:18

I wanted my children in my mid 20's and last before 30 so im glad i did, was massively broody most of the time. Having teens in my 40's is ok, they are tiring though in other ways so id say having kids in the 20-30 range is better , i could not cope with a baby or toddler in my mid 40's., bloomin exhausted as it is...

Kittykat93 · 28/03/2021 21:20

@AutoIncorrect

Had my first at 21, wish I’d waited. He’s 16 now and I feel like I’ve had no life. Think carefully OP.
Surely you have a life now though? And if you had your son at 21 you're only 37 now so still young enough to enjoy life!! I mean I get the younger years are extremely full on but by the time they are 16 you should be able to pretty much do your own thing in terms of physical restrictions..obviously emotionally bringing up teenagers brings a whole new challenge but at least you can get up when you like, read a book in peace, socialise, go out when you like etc!
Emeraldshamrock · 28/03/2021 21:29

Your nesting living alone, career path established.
It depends what lifestyle you're after DC are forever, enjoy yourself for a few years if you want to feed a career.
Life is always changing, massive changes happen within from 20's to 30's and so on.
It is tougher working for a career with DC.

abeanbaked · 28/03/2021 22:02

@Bluntness100

Honestly my daughter is 23 and I’d be very disturbed if she wrote your post. She’s focused on her career as a lawyer and saving for a house and, yup, in non Covid times, having fun. Crying at the sight of babies would worry me at such a young age.

What else have you got going on? You’re really young to be feeling like this. Kids take a solid relationship, money, a stable home. They are a huge amount of responsibility. I’d be worried you were not fulfilled in your life to be reacting like this.

Kids are wonderful. But they are not the be all and end all. Not at your age.

Is this real? Not everybody shares the same aspirations to reach the dizzying heights of their career before having children. Disturbing? I think not. OP, this is a ridiculous reaction to a your (perhaps exaggerated) feelings of broodiness. The notion that you cannot have children and have a life is really sad. On the other hand you have loads of women over on the conception and pregnancy boards who are worrying they have left it too late in trying to conceive.

Just as-well we're all different or we would all be lawyers and our mums would be spouting this drivel about us on MN to a younger woman who desires a family, telling us she would feel disturbed if we were her children.

I'm 24, engaged, I have a degree, a career @Bluntness100 (unbelievable I know) and I'm 8 months pregnant, also engaged. We couldn't be happier, our families couldn't be happier and neither could our friends. I have my career to go back to as and when I want it.

abeanbaked · 28/03/2021 22:07

Ooops, said I'm engaged twice. I'm only engaged to one man, only been engaged once Wink

LifesLittleDeciders · 28/03/2021 22:11

I was pregnant at 22 and had my first at 23. I’m 25 in June and are trying for our second now.

I was never really the girls holiday, go out on the lash every weekend type of girl. Occasional night on the town with my friends but other than that I just love a good coffee morning, wine in the evening. I don’t feel like I’ve missed out on anything as a lot of people told me I would. Me and DP settled down and brought a house, so why not have a baby 🤭 I honestly couldn’t be happier in my life.

CoalCraft · 28/03/2021 22:11

I felt broody from about age 19 Blush

I waited till I was settled in my own home with stand job and relationship though and recently had DD at 26. An still broody for #2 though...

LifesLittleDeciders · 28/03/2021 22:13

@Bluntness100 I had my career, and had brought a house by 21. First child (wanted and tried for) at 22.

What’s wrong with wanting to settle down young so long as you’ve accomplished what you wanted by then?

Rubyupbeat · 28/03/2021 22:17

I had my first just shy of 21, I was married and had a house. I still managed a 2nd degree and a phd.
I am so glad to have had mine early, perish the thought of teenagers in my late 40's.
Do what you think is best, but I personally think maybe when you meet the right person. But 23 is no way too young.

Onairjunkie · 28/03/2021 22:25

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

I wouldn’t judge someone rushing to marriage and babies in their early twenties, while claiming to already have career, house, fiancé etc, but I wouldn’t have wanted that.

I got my degree, got a graduate job, worked very hard, played even harder, got a house, then got married at 30, got super healthy and fit and then had a baby a couple of years later.

I’m not exhausted from nights because I’ve tipped into my 30s, nor did I struggle to conceive (lucky, I know) so I don’t think comments about conception struggles from younger mothers are particularly helpful either. Pointing out that conception boards are full of women in their 30s worry
Ing they’ve left it too late is a bit daft, as women struggling to conceive are likely to congregate there...

Having a baby is great, but your life is very different. I would always encourage someone to live and travel and have fun before settling to have a family. Especially after reading one poor poster who said she had her baby at 21, he’s 16 now and she feels like she had no life. Sad

NattyDiamondDoll · 28/03/2021 22:32

Lots of different views and opinions on this.
I had my only child at 22. She was a terrible sleeper and poorly for a lot of her first few years and I think being young really helped me cope with the lack of sleep etc.
I'm 37 now and would hate to have a baby/toddler/young child at this age. My free time is my own. And the thought of coping with teenagers in my mid 40s or older fills me with horror.
I'm young enough to really relate to what my daughter is going through as a teen and we have many shared interests.
Each to their own though. I have friends who have had their first child aged 15 up to 43.

Lucent · 28/03/2021 22:37

Honestly, OP, to me it sounds like a sign there’s not a lot else going on in your life.

JustNotFunAnymore · 28/03/2021 22:41

Christ no! I was broody from 16. I mean uterus dragging, heart aching broody. My first sexual relationship was when I was 22. My first baby was born to that man when I was 24. I don't regret a second of it. He's my perfect match.

Original poster
broodyat23 · 28/03/2021 22:58

@Lucent I can assure you that’s not the case - I work a full time job in the media, for an international company, I’ve found my people who I have the joy of my closest friends, I live an active outdoor lifestyle with a gorgeous golden retriever for company too. When I’m not at work I work on my book (YA fiction) and taking part-time online classes working towards a Post Grad. Not that any of that matters or makes a difference to the decision to become a parent. But the point is, I’m not bored or at a loss for things to do with my life.

OP posts:
abeanbaked · 29/03/2021 06:53

@Onairjunkie

On the other hand you have loads of women over on the conception and pregnancy boards who are worrying they have left it too late in trying to conceive.

Who said anything about women struggling to conceive in their 30's? Not I. I appreciate that some will choose to have family younger, some will 'live their life' first, but it's quite cruel for a PP to say that she would be disturbed had her daughter written to OP. And then for you to not fully read my reply but assume I'm talking about women in their 30's, of which I am not specifically.

I wouldn’t judge someone rushing to marriage and babies in their early twenties, while claiming to already have career, house, fiancé etc, but I wouldn’t have wanted that.

Why are you assuming any of this is rushed, exactly? I didn't specify if I had rushed into any of these things or not. Odd.

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

Did it occur to you that perhaps I actually don't have aspirations to climb the ladder in my profession? I won't bore you with what I do but management in my profession isn't a particularly nice place to be and I don't want that role, it would take me much much further away from the reason I did my degree and do what I do, which I love and which is waiting for me when I return.

Hope that clears up any misconceptions/assumptions you appear to have made about my post.

LST · 29/03/2021 07:32

@Onairjunkie

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

I wouldn’t judge someone rushing to marriage and babies in their early twenties, while claiming to already have career, house, fiancé etc, but I wouldn’t have wanted that.

I got my degree, got a graduate job, worked very hard, played even harder, got a house, then got married at 30, got super healthy and fit and then had a baby a couple of years later.

I’m not exhausted from nights because I’ve tipped into my 30s, nor did I struggle to conceive (lucky, I know) so I don’t think comments about conception struggles from younger mothers are particularly helpful either. Pointing out that conception boards are full of women in their 30s worry
Ing they’ve left it too late is a bit daft, as women struggling to conceive are likely to congregate there...

Having a baby is great, but your life is very different. I would always encourage someone to live and travel and have fun before settling to have a family. Especially after reading one poor poster who said she had her baby at 21, he’s 16 now and she feels like she had no life. Sad

I was happy in my job and did not want a career as such. Fast forward to 30 and I am still happy where I am. We have our whole lives ahead of us to travel etc, but now with a bit of money behind us. It would not have worked for me and my circumstances to wait to have children 21 and 23 was perfect for me