I’m feeling broody at 23

[broodyat23]

Am I being unreasonable for feeling broody at 23 years of age?

For the past few months, I’ve been feeling what can only be described as achingly broody. I’ve been dreaming about having babies, I’m weepy whenever I see families out and about together, my heart even aches when I hear a baby or a small child cry at the supermarket... am crazy to be feeling this way?

Let me be clear that I don’t want to have kids just yet - although I definitely want them someday. I’m still single, living on my own in a nice apartment and I’ve finally settled into my career with a permanent job and saving for a house. But I can’t ignore the indescribable longing to have babies.

I know it’ll happen when the time is right, but I feel like I’m losing my mind when I feel the sudden pang of emptiness when I see a Mum or a Dad with their child.

Anyhow rant over - I just needed to vent that somewhere!

[CuthbertDibbleandGrubb]

Not unreasonable at all, but please I hope it does not cloud your judgment and filter in the choice of whom to have a child with, whenever that happens.

[cookiecreampie]

I was always massively broody from about the age of 14 and wanted a baby as soon as I could. I had my first at 20 and the broodiness didn't go away till I had my fourth baby at 29 and knew I was done.

[ButIcantsitonleather]

[quote abeanbaked]@ButIcantsitonleather it is okay to say you would judge someone for it though, but don't contradict yourself. Saying you wouldn't judge someone and going on to do exactly that, make a judgement, is contradicting yourself. [/quote]
Oh crikey. Really?

I had an opinion that I didn’t think that a career could be established by the age of 21-24. That is my opinion. That isn’t a judgement. I’ll say it again, an opinion. Mine.

What I said I wouldn’t judge people for is having a child young. Which I don’t. And haven’t. And wouldn’t. (My sister did).

You’re conflating two separate points I made and getting confused. And for some reason taking it personally.

[abeanbaked]

@ButIcantsitonleather it is okay to say you would judge someone for it though, but don't contradict yourself. Saying you wouldn't judge someone and going on to do exactly that, make a judgement, is contradicting yourself.

[Usagi12]

It's your hormones, it'll pass then probably kick in again early 30s 😂♥️

[ButIcantsitonleather]

I wouldn’t judge someone for having a child, but I am allowed an opinion that at the age of 21-24, I don’t think a career would be very established.

I’m not attacking anyone for their choices, nor am I judging them for them, just saying it wouldn’t be for me.

Please don’t take my opinion so personally.

[ButIcantsitonleather]

@abeanbaked

And saying you wouldn't judge someone for doing what I have but going on to say

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

is a judgement you have made.

Yes. And one I’m entitled to, no?

My career was not established at 21-24, fresh out of my postgrad.

[Ivy455]

I think this is fairly normal. I got broody around the same age but I didn't have my daughter until I was 27 and tbh I wish I'd waited until I was about 30. Never a perfect time for a baby though I suppose!

[abeanbaked]

And saying you wouldn't judge someone for doing what I have but going on to say

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

is a judgement you have made.

[abeanbaked]

@ButIcantsitonleather I appreciate your opinion and you are entitled to it, it's just not very fair to make generalisations and assumptions about how well established someone's career is and if they have rushed into things or not when all you really know about them is a what you see on a post on MN.

[ButIcantsitonleather]

Term. Not teen.

[ButIcantsitonleather]

I appreciate your response @abeanbaked but I wasn’t actually referring to your post specifically, more an amalgamation of posts about having children young. And while it works for you, it wouldn’t have worked for me. I wanted to do all the fun things like travelling without a child in tow. I wouldn’t have wanted the responsibility at that young age.

I’m also standing by the teen ‘rush’ because if you’re fresh out of university, heading straight into motherhood does seem like ‘rushing’ between life stages to me.

But again, this is only my opinion and you have yours.

[abeanbaked]

"On the other hand you have loads of women over on the conception and pregnancy boards who are worrying they have left it too late in trying to conceive."

I believe the term I also used was worrying, not struggling to conceive in your 30's. @Onairjunkie

[Nyfluff]

You sound like you know what you're doing and don't need any advice.

I had a child at your age and i'm very glad I did. I already had health issues and had done as much as I could with travelling and work at that time, so staying home with a baby was perfect for me. I thought i'd be able to go back to work or travel as a family once DC were school age. Turned out i'd have to be a full time carer to my disabled DC.

Now i'm in my 30s and just as broody, DC finally getting close to being independent enough for me to care for another baby too. I've developed arthritis and need surgeries and now don't know if i'll be able to have anymore children. I'm exhausted and don't know how i'd cope if I had another child that woke up 8x a night till age 3, it might finish me off. All that to say, i'm so incredibly grateful I had a baby in my early 20s, I had the ability to cope with the struggles it came with. You never know how life will turn out, if i'd waiting till my 30s then I probably wouldn't have been able to have children.

[Anyscrapiron]

Haven't read the whole thread but I felt just like you at 23.

So I got married. Had 2 ectopic, had one DC by IVF and the marriage had ended before I hit 30.

It's was horrible, really and I wouldnt recommend acting on your broody feelings. Your 20s have so much potential for fun, growth and getting yourself to a wonderful place.

I'm now im my 30s and trying to get my life together and find something to study. All my friends got jobs, houses, careers and only recently started thier families. It much harder at an older age doing it backwards as there's less support.

My advice is to go, achieve everything you want and try not to feed the broodiness!

[LST]

@Onairjunkie

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

I wouldn’t judge someone rushing to marriage and babies in their early twenties, while claiming to already have career, house, fiancé etc, but I wouldn’t have wanted that.

I got my degree, got a graduate job, worked very hard, played even harder, got a house, then got married at 30, got super healthy and fit and then had a baby a couple of years later.

I’m not exhausted from nights because I’ve tipped into my 30s, nor did I struggle to conceive (lucky, I know) so I don’t think comments about conception struggles from younger mothers are particularly helpful either. Pointing out that conception boards are full of women in their 30s worry
Ing they’ve left it too late is a bit daft, as women struggling to conceive are likely to congregate there...

Having a baby is great, but your life is very different. I would always encourage someone to live and travel and have fun before settling to have a family. Especially after reading one poor poster who said she had her baby at 21, he’s 16 now and she feels like she had no life.

I was happy in my job and did not want a career as such. Fast forward to 30 and I am still happy where I am. We have our whole lives ahead of us to travel etc, but now with a bit of money behind us. It would not have worked for me and my circumstances to wait to have children 21 and 23 was perfect for me

[abeanbaked]

@Onairjunkie

On the other hand you have loads of women over on the conception and pregnancy boards who are worrying they have left it too late in trying to conceive.

Who said anything about women struggling to conceive in their 30's? Not I. I appreciate that some will choose to have family younger, some will 'live their life' first, but it's quite cruel for a PP to say that she would be disturbed had her daughter written to OP. And then for you to not fully read my reply but assume I'm talking about women in their 30's, of which I am not specifically.

I wouldn’t judge someone rushing to marriage and babies in their early twenties, while claiming to already have career, house, fiancé etc, but I wouldn’t have wanted that.

Why are you assuming any of this is rushed, exactly? I didn't specify if I had rushed into any of these things or not. Odd.

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

Did it occur to you that perhaps I actually don't have aspirations to climb the ladder in my profession? I won't bore you with what I do but management in my profession isn't a particularly nice place to be and I don't want that role, it would take me much much further away from the reason I did my degree and do what I do, which I love and which is waiting for me when I return.

Hope that clears up any misconceptions/assumptions you appear to have made about my post.

[broodyat23]

@Lucent I can assure you that’s not the case - I work a full time job in the media, for an international company, I’ve found my people who I have the joy of my closest friends, I live an active outdoor lifestyle with a gorgeous golden retriever for company too. When I’m not at work I work on my book (YA fiction) and taking part-time online classes working towards a Post Grad. Not that any of that matters or makes a difference to the decision to become a parent. But the point is, I’m not bored or at a loss for things to do with my life.

[JustNotFunAnymore]

Christ no! I was broody from 16. I mean uterus dragging, heart aching broody. My first sexual relationship was when I was 22. My first baby was born to that man when I was 24. I don't regret a second of it. He's my perfect match.

[Lucent]

Honestly, OP, to me it sounds like a sign there’s not a lot else going on in your life.

[NattyDiamondDoll]

Lots of different views and opinions on this.
I had my only child at 22. She was a terrible sleeper and poorly for a lot of her first few years and I think being young really helped me cope with the lack of sleep etc.
I'm 37 now and would hate to have a baby/toddler/young child at this age. My free time is my own. And the thought of coping with teenagers in my mid 40s or older fills me with horror.
I'm young enough to really relate to what my daughter is going through as a teen and we have many shared interests.
Each to their own though. I have friends who have had their first child aged 15 up to 43.

[Onairjunkie]

How established can a career be by 21-24? Not very I wouldn’t have thought.

I wouldn’t judge someone rushing to marriage and babies in their early twenties, while claiming to already have career, house, fiancé etc, but I wouldn’t have wanted that.

I got my degree, got a graduate job, worked very hard, played even harder, got a house, then got married at 30, got super healthy and fit and then had a baby a couple of years later.

I’m not exhausted from nights because I’ve tipped into my 30s, nor did I struggle to conceive (lucky, I know) so I don’t think comments about conception struggles from younger mothers are particularly helpful either. Pointing out that conception boards are full of women in their 30s worry
Ing they’ve left it too late is a bit daft, as women struggling to conceive are likely to congregate there...

Having a baby is great, but your life is very different. I would always encourage someone to live and travel and have fun before settling to have a family. Especially after reading one poor poster who said she had her baby at 21, he’s 16 now and she feels like she had no life.

[Rubyupbeat]

I had my first just shy of 21, I was married and had a house. I still managed a 2nd degree and a phd.
I am so glad to have had mine early, perish the thought of teenagers in my late 40's.
Do what you think is best, but I personally think maybe when you meet the right person. But 23 is no way too young.

[LifesLittleDeciders]

@Bluntness100 I had my career, and had brought a house by 21. First child (wanted and tried for) at 22.

What’s wrong with wanting to settle down young so long as you’ve accomplished what you wanted by then?

[CoalCraft]

I felt broody from about age 19

I waited till I was settled in my own home with stand job and relationship though and recently had DD at 26. An still broody for #2 though...