I’m feeling broody at 23

[broodyat23]

Am I being unreasonable for feeling broody at 23 years of age?

For the past few months, I’ve been feeling what can only be described as achingly broody. I’ve been dreaming about having babies, I’m weepy whenever I see families out and about together, my heart even aches when I hear a baby or a small child cry at the supermarket... am crazy to be feeling this way?

Let me be clear that I don’t want to have kids just yet - although I definitely want them someday. I’m still single, living on my own in a nice apartment and I’ve finally settled into my career with a permanent job and saving for a house. But I can’t ignore the indescribable longing to have babies.

I know it’ll happen when the time is right, but I feel like I’m losing my mind when I feel the sudden pang of emptiness when I see a Mum or a Dad with their child.

Anyhow rant over - I just needed to vent that somewhere!

I'd ignore posts that basically suggest you need vigorous and urgent psychoanalysis to get to the bottom of why you want children at 23! It's great that women are now free to have their own careers and amass their own means, but it's also the case that women pretty much have to delay having children until their thirties, because of the way the economy is set up. If this wasn't the case, and there was a better work-life balance (i.e. an economy which accommodated, FFS, women with children) I'd probably have had six in my twenties! But as things are, one (born when I was 29) will probably have to do .

Mate.... I'm gonna say something radical....
Hormones make you crazy. They make your brain work in weird ways. Resist at all costs. Having a child is not irreversible. It will detonate your life, your sense of who "you" are. You become a walking, talking slave to a mewling potato which in all honesty, will spend the first 3 months of its life repeatedly pooing, weeing, feeding and sleeping and a heck of a lot of whining and crying about wind, reflux or whatever ailments you bagsie. Your nights will be forever broken. You will never get a lie in again. Your evenings will revolve around a strict routine and you will weep with gratitude to have just a couple of hours in the evening where you can relax without having to change a nappy, feed, walk it in a pram etc etc etc. Don't do what I did, and succumb to your baser, physiological urges. It will end your life. Not literally, but close enough. I wish someone had explained this to me when I was in your position but hey, you can't turn back time eh? I echo posters suggesting you get an alarm: set it every 2 hours, just for shits and giggles, make sure you take a grand a month and burn it on a pyre called childcare. Make sure you are prepared to age significantly and look permanently exhausted. I mean, my kid is nice but my life was better before.

YANBU - I felt like that from the age of 14. (Waited a bit after that!!)

Totally empathise with how you are feeling right now. I’m 29 now but I started feeling properly broody around 23. I don’t live independently due to my disability and everyone in my life disagrees on how I’d like to become a mother( single through donation) so I’m trying to make peace with that and focus on other things.

I hope the feeling eases soon so you can enjoy life until the time feels right for you.

I always knew I wanted children so was easily broody in early twenties, although knew it wouldn’t happen to several years later.

You’re so young and have a good decade of fun ahead of you if you wait. This is where you can build your career, travel, save for a nicer house etc. Children are wonderful, but the routine is endless and monotonous. I’m so glad I have a couple of decades of fun childless memories to get me through 😂

I had my first at 28 which I think is pretty normal and only 5 years away for you. It's definitely biology trying to take over your brain and totally normal. Plus with the state of the world right now who is anyone to say if you're too young to want kids!

@Northernsoullover

I love the way everyone is tying themselves up to say how reputable they are before becoming a young parent own home, post grad degree..

Yes, because 'young' mums are often seen as having no career prospects, having no money etc. So I feel like I am constantly having to prove people wrong and justify my life choices...

I was very broody at 23, we started trying at 24 and I m now 26 with a 4.5 month old.

We ve got a good house in a lovely area and could find a away to afford to have a baby, my dad died suddenly at 36 so I d always said if I was going to have kids it was going to be before 30 unless a medical issue popped up so that at least they would get a decent amount of time with us and possibly if they wanted to that we could be grandparents.

My youngest woke up every 2-3 hours for 2 and a half YEARS!!!!! I refused to sleep train, as I think it’s cruel, but I needed a lot of stamina to get through that whilst also working full time. Don’t venture into motherhood without a lot of thought, planning and stable financial background.

My SIL had ivf to get pregnant in her 20’s and I secretly think she’s bonkers not to live her life to the full first. She’s also going to give up her career at this age.

@HilaryBriss

YANBU to be feeling broody but I do think that feeling weepy when you see families together is a bit of an over reaction!

It is. It is natural to feel broody from the time you reach puberty but not to that extent.

First you need a decent man.

A decent man is not a guarantee. Some leave.

I was broody from when my sister was born when I was 10, became a lone parent at 22, DS is now 14. With my sister I made up bottles, fed her, changed nappies, babysat, taught her maths and did her home reading with her every single night. Didn't put me off becoming a parent at all.

Also withdraw £100 from your account everyday and immediately burn it.
Never had that kind of money to burn but we did fine.

@seatofmars

I'd ignore posts that basically suggest you need vigorous and urgent psychoanalysis to get to the bottom of why you want children at 23! It's great that women are now free to have their own careers and amass their own means, but it's also the case that women pretty much have to delay having children until their thirties, because of the way the economy is set up. If this wasn't the case, and there was a better work-life balance (i.e. an economy which accommodated, FFS, women with children) I'd probably have had six in my twenties! But as things are, one (born when I was 29) will probably have to do .

THIS!!! I feel like some people think I must’ve have had a terrible childhood or are literally off my rocker to think about kids. I literally said in the OG post that I’m not actually acting on my feelings, but needed to get it off my chest! But seatofmars is so right on this - imagine an economy that is set up to actually accommodate working parents! And again, I’m not ignorant to the realities of being a parent, I’ve seen my own parents go to hell and back at times - hell in a 9 person household where the youngest sibling was 3 when I left home for Uni, I’ve been there with the nighttime wake ups and the financial insecurity - I worked 2 jobs whilst in school to help my parents out. But I also saw my Mother also pursue her passion at the same time as being a mother, and gave us the most magical and happiest of childhoods.

What I’m saying is that having kids is not on the cards for me right this minute, but I’m allowing myself to acknowledge the feelings I’ve been feeling and the decision/want to have children at some point in the future.

I’ve never felt broody. Not once in my whole life. And I’m glad. It sounds like a nightmare.

The fact that your parents had lots of kids might attest to your broody tendencies. Everyone I know from big families, especially the older siblings, all really wanted kids and felt the urge quite young. Unless you’re a Radford. I imagine some of them went the other way.

Set your alarm to go off every three hours this evening. Every time it goes off during the night get up make a cup of tea and walk round the house for 40mins. Repeat this every day for a week and then reassess your broodyness. By the end of the week You will get a feel for what the rest of your twenties will be like.
Also withdraw £100 from your account everyday and immediately burn it

I'd add :
Forget about ever having a pee in peace without someone calling Mummmmmmeeeee you need to be done and dusted in 30 seconds .
Your entire beauty regime will be teeth/anti perspirant/shower if you're lucky

Take your favourite top out f the wardrobe and throw random orange foods on it ( spaghetti hoops and a Petit Filou for starters) to replicate your attire to be .

My lovely 18 yo DD is wistfully broody , she has the name picked out , has planned where her DC will spend Christmas Eve and makes me look at baby clothes . But she;s got her sights on her career (and has to find her DH to-be ) so I'm not too worried .

It's the adverts that got me , not the baby milk or nappies but the rugged bloke shaving then picking up his baby ( "Yes, I;m rugged , smooth and a great dad" .) but that's what adverts are for - they sell a dream.

I had twins at 22 it was great honestly!

Nothing wrong with that, I got pregnant at 23 and ds was born when I just turned 24. 34 now and can’t imagine dealing with babies 10 years later. Perhaps that’s why some of you found it so hard dealing with the night wake ups but it never bothered me because I had the energy befitting that of someone in their twenties.
Just because it wasn’t your ideal, doesn’t make it a wrong choice for everyone.

23 is not ridiculously young to be having kids the ideal age is around mid 20s,30s isnt ideal biologically, although arguably more likely to be stable, married, but tbh you only have to read the relationship boards, full with older, wives and mothers who relationships were about as stable as a cardboard mattress. always children as collateral damage. Ive been with my DH since i was 18, 3 children down the line, were still very happy. i wouldn't recommend having a child as young as i had my eldest definitely not but, there are drawbacks at having my youngest iny early 30s aswell. Im assuming you're not on a stable relationship? , you seem very switched on.
Youre feelings are valid whatever they are.

@raspberryk

Nothing wrong with that, I got pregnant at 23 and ds was born when I just turned 24. 34 now and can’t imagine dealing with babies 10 years later. Perhaps that’s why some of you found it so hard dealing with the night wake ups but it never bothered me because I had the energy befitting that of someone in their twenties. Just because it wasn’t your ideal, doesn’t make it a wrong choice for everyone.

I am finding some of these comments a tad judgmental and patronising if I am honest. I know I wouldn't cope well with having babies now, even at 30. I have some regrets in life but having kids in my early 20s was not one of them.

@LST not half as patronising as some of the ones saying saving a baby in your early to mid twenties is utter madness.

I’d be worried about someone not being able to cope with a baby at 30 to be honest. It’ll only get harder as you age, and anyone hoping to have children not ready at 30 better hope they grow up ASAP.

@raspberryk

Nothing wrong with that, I got pregnant at 23 and ds was born when I just turned 24. 34 now and can’t imagine dealing with babies 10 years later. Perhaps that’s why some of you found it so hard dealing with the night wake ups but it never bothered me because I had the energy befitting that of someone in their twenties. Just because it wasn’t your ideal, doesn’t make it a wrong choice for everyone.

Same here, I'm 37 and the idea of two years of disrupted sleep 15 years later is terrifying! At 22 I coped fine with two hourly feeds through the night, though it wasn't like setting an alarm and walking around the house as I breastfed and co slept so was only ever half awake.

[quote raspberryk]@LST not half as patronising as some of the ones saying saving a baby in your early to mid twenties is utter madness.

I’d be worried about someone not being able to cope with a baby at 30 to be honest. It’ll only get harder as you age, and anyone hoping to have children not ready at 30 better hope they grow up ASAP.[/quote]
I was agreeing with your original comment. I am disabled and my disability has got worse the older I have got which is why I think I would struggle now.

I felt like this too. And am currently 7 weeks pregnant with number 3.. (I am 33 now though)

I had my first at 27. It was hard and I felt young but my goodness do I LOVE being a mom. enjoy the next few years of spoiling yourself, getting your hair done etc. You’ll be a great mom soon enough!