To ask what your biggest regret in life is?

[SylviaPlath1984]

Or even what you feel you might regret in the future if you don't do it soon?

I regret not taking school more seriously or trying harder, not making more of myself.

What about you?

• not informing university properly that I had been SA. If I had I would have had extensions and been more likely to get a first rather than a 2:1. I was doing so well until that point and he wrecked me
• not seeking counselling for said SA and struggling with anxiety and depression for years. As a result I worked shit jobs because mentally I couldn’t cope with any more
• wish I’d got my career sorted before having kids
• moving to another country with my current bf at the time. We should have just broke up. I was depressed and isolated for 7 months until I finally decided to return home. I got a job and dumped him 2 months later. No regrets.
• going out with a guy who I knew was bad news from the off set. Just ended up hurting me.
• not dumping my first bf when we went to uni. Instead we stayed together 4 years and had the worst relationship. It also affected uni friendships because I always had to visit him every weekend, and he didn’t like me drinking etc.

I don’t regret having my kids because they were the only thing that got me to start getting my life together. I bought a house when I found out I was pregnant which I’m so glad I did. It would be easy for me to say I wish I had them a bit later but my life would have been shit regardless of when I had them. They’re the main reason why I’m in a better place now. Still struggling with my MH (PND and having a lockdown baby has been horrendously tough), but we’re coming out the other side now. I hope.

Ultimately, I just wish that the SA hadn’t have happened. And I’d done more about it. I don’t think the police would have done anything but it does annoy me that I was plagued with issues after it for years while he just lives his life.

I allowed other people to tell me who I was.

That reminds me of when my dad offered me a deposit to buy a small flat in South West London in 2008. 'nah it's ok thanks, I'd rather rent as I don't want to be tied down'
Oh how I weep... What an idiot.

I wish I had gone for the third baby, even though now I have teens I am quite often glad I didn’t! Can’t shake the feeling I should have just gone for it though and that someone is missing.

Don't think that and good luck with the IVF

Hearing about mumsnet
And joining up

The time I have wasted!!

Oh, I also wish I hadn’t let bullying at school get to me as much and I’d just stood up to them. I spent far too many days crying every morning and listening to people one desk away bitching about me. Every single day. Posts about me online every week. Dirty looks. Hysterical laughing when I as much walked past. Losing all my friends bar 2 because they wanted to side with her (I assume so she didn’t bully them next).

It was so horrendously hard and I think that’s why I didn’t break up with my first bf until well into uni. Our relationship was shit but he protected me from them in a way, and he did keep me going. If I didn’t have him during school I don’t know how I would have got through it. So I do have that to thank him for- he was essentially my security blanket.

@RosesAndHellebores @fiftiesmum thank you. It's very hard to live with and it does help to hear people saying it's not my fault. I fought so hard to save him but I knew it wasn't going to work.

@tigerbread20 I'm so sorry about your mum. It's so, so cruel.

I felt the same as others before DH died - all my "mistakes" that had felt so awful at the time had led me to meeting DH and so I didn't regret anything. But I don't think I'll ever get past the regret of losing him.

Same... 2001 and when I think about it I internally weep!

@drunkenmonkey

@Lentillover1900

Hearing about mumsnet And joining up

The time I have wasted!!

🤣

I'd say my biggest regret was not standing up for myself and studying what I wanted to study. When I was 18 it was still pretty much "Be an elementary school teacher, a nurse, a secretary" not "Be a history professor, a doctor, a lawyer" in the milieu my family inhabited. I knew in my heart I had what it took, but let others discourage me. After all, eventually I'd 'want to get married and stay home with the children'.

Not travelling more when I was younger. Now I've got the confidence to do so I've no expendable income.

I'm 52 now and single and really happy. Have good education and job, travel (not now of course) all over the world. Many friends. No children. Own house.
I spent far too many years with men who weren't worth the time and effort I put into them. It seems like I have a problem that I do too much for men far too early on, so they get used to being "the king". Since I realised this, I decided not ever to bother again.
I now have the best life possible.

So so many, I wish I'd not gone to uni. I love gardening and wanted to go into horticulture but wasn't allowed as it was seen as a non-academic career at the time. From that point onwards I feel like I've regretted every aspect of my life, each decision led on from that point and was a step further away from what was in my heart. I couldn't be further from the life I want now but can't find a way to change it.

Weight gain as a child/teenager and a life time of weight issues - yo-yo dieting, obesity, crash diets. I have a pretty face and could have been really attractive if I’d have controlled my weight.

9 years with an abusive twat but that taught be some serious life lessons about what not to go for in a man!

Accepting the drugs i took in a one-off incident at uni. I reacted very badly, developed depression and fucked up my degree. Took me a good few years to recover and has led to subsequent episodes.

That one night had so many consequences.

Not going for my first career choice when leaving uni.
Not getting into the line of work I am now in sooner.
Selling my flat when the market was at the bottom. It's now worth so much more as the area became up and coming.
And in three years time there will be regret if I haven't plucked up the courage to separate.

I regret never really searching for or pursuing a real passion or career. A crippling fear of failure and low confidence in my academic ability in secondary school attributed to my lack of confidence which is still rife today (aged 35). I am a TA (really enjoy it) but am reminded by DM how little money it makes which makes me feel awful.

Also, allowing DM to manipulate my feelings about things stemming from her own insecurities and guilting me into things. I am improving on this thanks to my lovely DH and 2 DDs who are everything I could have wished for.

@peachgreen, I’m so sorry for your loss and trauma. It’s not at all the same but last year we lost my DF to Covid. He died alone in a shitty care home we hated. Over the last few months I’ve started to realise that I will never be ok about this but that actually it’s ok to never be ok about some things. I don’t know if that makes sense? I feel more at peace with it all.

Additionally, my best friend’s brother died from sudden cardiac death. It’s absolutely devastating. However he died in a public space and had virtually immediate medical care. To no avail, it was impossible. Just know that this isn’t your responsibility, what if is part of the grieving.

I regret not getting married to my OH- although regret might be the wrong word. We will do it one day- but I wish we had done it when we were younger (pre-children, slimmer, less grey hairs and wrinkles.... 😆)

My grandparents celebrated their 60th wedding anniversary and it made me realise we might not ever get that far as we're already in our mid 30's.

Having children and not seeing the DV/A I was walking right into because being controlled was my normal.

Marrying a husband from abroad and giving birth abroad. Biggest mistake ever.

I am totally trapped.

To not be with my lovely mother when she died. I was too late and thinking of her being alone makes me cry nearly every day 7 years later

Thank you @MatildaTheCat and I'm so sorry about your DF.

The paramedics said the same. They said even with a defibrillator (which we had) the success rate of CPR for someone who has suffered a sudden cardiac event is very low. But it's still so hard not to wonder. I at least wish I'd been there so I'd know if he was in any pain or was scared. I really hope not.