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Have I left it too late?

57 replies

Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp · 27/03/2021 18:34

Not really an AIBU, but. I have a 5mo baby, and for various reasons I haven't got round to arranging thank you cards to send out to people that sent gifts etc. The thought of not sending them doesn't sit well with me, but I've put it off for so long that I'm worried that people will just find it weird getting a thank you card after so long.

So... Would you find it weird? Or would you appreciate it just as much after such a long time has passed?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 27/03/2021 20:08

I like thank you cards but recently it has been a thank you message on WhatsApp and that's absolutely fine. I love getting the picture of the little one wearing an outfit l bought or playing with a toy. Shows you remember who sent what especially during lockdown when it's not possible to visit and meet baby. Have had a few babies to gift in those times and have loved that personal message and hearing how baby is doing.
To be honest any acknowledgement is great as l have had the other as well.

Disfordarkchocolate · 27/03/2021 20:10

I'd be overjoyed to get a thank you card, it's lovely. I never expecte it when people have had babies though, I assume you have other things to do.

user1471604848 · 27/03/2021 20:12

I had twins last year, and only got around to sending Thank You cards a week before their first birthday. ( I had already thanked everyone by text or in person).

For the first 6 months after they were born, I didn't have a second to think about creating a card. Then after 6 months I created one online, using some pics of the babies. Then my whole team lost our jobs (during my maternity leave), so I had to focus on applying for jobs, then ramping up in my new job. So that's why it took almost a year. In the end, I took a day off work and wrote them all.

No one probably would have minded if I hadn't send them, but I just felt I should (especially to the people who had spent time making beautiful hand-knitted cardigans etc).

SplendidSuns1000 · 27/03/2021 20:15

It's definitely not too late to send them, you could always add a note to say 'sorry it's a little late but having a baby is time consuming!' but you absolutely do not have to send them. Whoever gave you and your baby gifts did it because they love and care for you both. They don't do it for the thank you card, they do it so you have something nice. You went above and beyond even sending messages to thank them, they won't think badly of you not sending a note on top of that.

I'm sorry you've been struggling, I hope you're doing better now and coping with lockdown x

emilyfrost · 27/03/2021 20:19


WhatsApp mass message. Job done.

Don’t do this, it’s exceptionally rude and impersonal.

They took the time to send you a gift, especially in a pandemic; a card doesn’t take much so it’s better late than never.
ittakes2 · 27/03/2021 20:21

I would send texts.

Tinydinosaur · 27/03/2021 20:23

You've already thanked them. Job done.
The only thing I think thankyou cards are needed is for weddings. I wouldn't expect a thankyou card for a baby gift when you'd already texted.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/03/2021 20:27

I like how on this website majority says "away with unnecessary wife work!"... Until it means no thank you cards😂

MintyMabel · 27/03/2021 20:46

I wouldn’t be bothered getting one after 5 months, but then, I wouldn’t expect one in the first place. It’s a ridiculously outdated premise, relevant in the days before SM, texts etc.

Feetupteashot · 27/03/2021 20:48

I would love a thank you at 5 months or whenever, especially with photo of baby (and you if you can face it!)

MintyMabel · 27/03/2021 20:52

Don’t do this, it’s exceptionally rude and impersonal.

But this would fulfil the thank you brief, yes?

“By the time I got to DC3 I also just got a generic thank you message printed on the other side instead of hand writing an individual message for each person, I would recommend doing that too.”

It’s not the bloody 1820s. It’s not even the 1990s. Technology is there and can be used in this way, sending a mass text is no different to mailing 30 identical printed cards. The things people decree as “exceptionally rude” when it comes to tech are laughable. Try moving with the times.

MintyMabel · 27/03/2021 20:57

I like how on this website majority says "away with unnecessary wife work!"... Until it means no thank you cards😂

Exactly. And that “taking the time” to go out and buy a gift means it is quite acceptable for you to put pressure on someone else’s time by insisting they sit down, pen a gushing prose about how wonderful it was, then find time to go and post it (assuming they can easily get to a post box). That’s not giving them a gift, it is handing them an obligation.

Isawthathaggis · 27/03/2021 21:00

It took me 15 months post birth and three lockdowns before I got so bored that I wrote and sent my thank you cards.
The feeling of guilt lifted as soon as they were written, I didn’t even need to post them to feel better. I did post them though!

JackieTheFart · 28/03/2021 12:53

I like how on this website majority says "away with unnecessary wife work!"... Until it means no thank you cards

Agree with this 100%. I’d be utterly perplexed if someone sent me a thank you card after a) they’d already thanked me via any other method; b) a long time had passed; c) the mother then put a message like the one suggested above ‘sorry it’s late but having a baby is time consuming’!

Of course I would acknowledge receipt and thank the sender for the card as is expected but the reality of thank you cards for me is that unless they have a particularly nice photo on it, it gets recycled after I’ve read it.

Singlenotsingle · 28/03/2021 12:54

Not weird at all. People know you've got your hands full.

otterbaby · 28/03/2021 12:55

I think thank you cards are wonderful, but a new baby is definitely the exception! Definitely not too late if you wanted to though!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/03/2021 12:55

Do you people send thank you cards for the thank you cards? Because it would be rude not to thank the sender for the effort they spent on getting, writing and sending the cards after all, wouldn't it?

ALargeGlassofMalbecPlease · 28/03/2021 13:09

I don't think it's weird at all sending it at this time. But equally, I don't think anyone would be offended if you didn't send one. You acknowledged all the presents and well wishes so job could be done. Most people know how hard life is with a new born / young baby.

If you do want to send one though and have a bit of time, you could think of something along the lines of showing baby's development, for example, chose personalised cards online with a new born picture as well as a current picture, or a hand made card with baby's hand print? (Messy messy messy!!!)

Needsleeeeepsendheeeelp · 28/03/2021 18:53

Well, you've all managed to articulate my back-and-forth musings on the subject! 😂 I do feel better about either outcome, which is something!

As for wife work... Yep. DH wouldn't ever do it, if we did send them it'd be totally down to me. He'd tell me not to bother. 100%.

@SchrodingersImmigrant yes that thought did cross my mind - I haven't sent a thank you text when I received a nice thank you card, then realised how daft that was 🙈

@SplendidSuns1000 thank you for asking. I'm getting there with support/meds etc from the GP.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/03/2021 18:56

Infinite loop of Thank yous😂
Only in UK, loving this.

Listen to what would your DP say. Leave it. There is no need. You thanked people. You had hard time. If anyone would ever get pissy at me for only tahnking once they would be swiftly removed from my circles🤷🏻

katy1213 · 28/03/2021 19:06

Of course you should send thank you letters, and I'm sure people will understand why they're a bit late.

Milkteefs · 28/03/2021 19:19

Interesting variety of responses! Just my tuppence worth but if someone bothers to send me a present then I send them a card. I don't think a WhatsApp is an equivalent substitute but then maybe thats me. From time to time, I've been round to people's houses (mainly older relatives) and seen the (photo) thank you card that I've sent framed which just makes me so pleased I've made that extra effort Xx

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/03/2021 19:20

People here frame thank you cards😳?

And I thought I integrated to the UK quite well😂 (I guess except thank you cards)

Milkteefs · 28/03/2021 19:26

Yeah, it's not something I ever expected in a million years and found it a bit odd first time, but where I've sent a photo thank you card with my kids on it seems like it sometimes ends up in a frame! Xx

Milkteefs · 28/03/2021 19:27

(in other words my thank you cards are basically a photo where I write a few words on the back!) I don't think this is widespread behaviour Grin

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