To have taken them down...

[jackieweaverforpm]

Apologies for the cryptic title.

It's Easter Sunday next week and being slightly strange as we are, we usually put up decorations for Easter. We were all set to do that today with some crafting stuff happening this morning. Instead of the lovely day I had anticipated, I experienced a two hour grump fest from DD2 about the crafting, a moan from DD1 when I asked her to make some Easter cards (this is something she is really good at and a hobby really) and then further grumping from DD2 about the decorations (crying and stropping about what should go where). I do try to make Easter special and especially this year which has been pretty shite let's face it. I have a mountain of nice stuff upstairs for next weekend and instead I think sod it. I'll have a bloody break instead. I've taken the decs down and I'm having a coffee instead. I am thoroughly knackered after a really tough few weeks at work and I have had my fill.

Let them, especially your 13 year old, be themselves. They're probably knackered after term and need some down time, not to have to do someone else's fun On someone else's schedule.

If I had plans to recharge my batteries alone in my room and someone else had planned "fun" for me and assumed I'd be grateful for the opportunity, I would be grumpy too, and I'm not dealing with teen hormones.

I don't agree no one cares unless religious, Easter in our house is a marked festival, we decorate with flowers and eggs, which are traditional.

I like the pattern of festivals through the year. We make as much effort baking for Easter as for Christmas, hot cross buns, cakes, decorated biscuits, chocolates.

Id pop the decorations back up (doing ours today) and leave asking them about their contribution

As others have said they need a ‘way back’ as they were probably just a bit fed up generally

Oh I forgot

You should have a think about who you are doing this for

I decorate at Christmas, halloween and easter but its for me, the children dont mind helping and when they were little christmas and Halloween were definitely for them but now I decorate because i want to

I'm reading up on Advent right now, it's amazing how many religious practices there were in front of me and I didn't realise it. For example the Advent calendar, I thought it was just a calendar that counts down to Christmas day, like 'how many sleeps til Santa' or something with little chocolates scattered in the calendar. Same as On the Twelfth Day of Christmas which I thought was purely a kid's Christmas song, and nothing more than that. This is making me do some educational reading. Not having grown up in a religious family, this is very enlightening.

@Sandgrown1970

Sandgrown1970 Arguably just as strange as celebrating Christmas during Advent. But it's what society does, eh? I knew a couple who had an Easter themed wedding on Maundy Thursday. I was surprised because they were Christians. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable TBH but to each their own.

I don’t personally celebrate Christmas in Advent, for me Christmas starts at midnight mass and ends on Epiphany. The whole starting Christmas on the 1st December (or even 1st November these days!) and declaring it all over on St Stephen’s Day irks me but I can recognise that for a big part of society, the Christian part of Christmas means nothing to them and it’s all about Father Christmas/Santa and gifts, eating and seeing family. So they have no reason to mark or even acknowledge Advent.

I’ll admit I find making a big deal of Easter when not a Christian much stranger. Getting lots of chocolate eggs etc understandable as they are all in the shops etc but if Easter is going to get hijacked by the “Easter Bunny” (whatever that is anyway!) and we are going to start having a massive hyped up commercial lead up to Easter and pressure to turn it into get another materialistic event that starts earlier and earlier each year and finishes the day it actually starts, and starts during what is for Christians a somber time, then I will feel like banging my head against a wall. Again for me, Easter starts with the Easter Vigil on Saturday night and ends at Pentecost. Go into a Catholic Church this week and you won’t find bright decorations, Easter bunnies and eggs everywhere. Everything is stripped away and the statues are all veiled with purple fabric. It’s a solemn week. and I think a lot of society don’t realise that. I decorate a little for Easter, but not until Saturday before I go to the vigil. I’d feel uncomfortable if they were up now, it’s a sad week from today onwards.

In terms of the wedding, it wouldn’t be allowed during Lent in any of the Catholic Churches near me (unsure about other denominations) and Maundy Thursday is busy enough in churches without adding a wedding into the mix. Before I was born a relative had a “shotgun” wedding during Lent but they weren’t allowed anything flower wise but the bride’s bouquet, couldn’t decorate the church, only allowed one bridesmaid and she had to wear “Lenten appropriate colours”, the bride wasn’t permitted to wear white etc and I think it was only allowed to go ahead on the Saturday before Laetare Sunday. The bride and bridesmaid wore very dark purple!

Anyway, my personal, boring musings and opinions only.

For heaven’s sake, Easter as a celebration of spring long predates the death of Christ, just as Yule long predates Christmas — the Easter Bunny isn’t getting up on the cross alongside Jesus. But you know this perfectly well, and are just doing that faux-uninformed thing.

And I really fail to see why you think Catholicism’s traditions of statue-veiling and Lenten gloom have the slightest relevance to non-Catholics. Unless you somehow think they have more validity than a mere nod to the passing of the seasons?

@Cokie3

I'm reading up on Advent right now, it's amazing how many religious practices there were in front of me and I didn't realise it. For example the Advent calendar, I thought it was just a calendar that counts down to Christmas day, like 'how many sleeps til Santa' or something with little chocolates scattered in the calendar. Same as On the Twelfth Day of Christmas which I thought was purely a kid's Christmas song, and nothing more than that. This is making me do some educational reading. Not having grown up in a religious family, this is very enlightening.

Think if you've been through a religious school or home the year was very full, and so even though I do not go to church, I feel weird with a blank calendar, we have a spring routine in the house which roughly aligns with lent.

Those traditional festival almanacs are packed!

@LaceyBetty

what do you have decorations of? the whole crucifixion, or?

Pretty disingenuous to pretend you don't know what Easter decorations are.

@LaceyBetty I too have never heard of decorations. It's not 'disingenuous' at all, I think we'd all be familiar with Christmas decorations, Christmas tree, etc. But I too, am stumped to figure out what Easter decorations would consist of. Only thing I can thing of is an Easter bunny and eggs - but that would be commercial. And a cross for the religious part? Apart from that, I honestly, for the life of me cannot work out what a decoration would be.

@jackieweaverforpm

The 13 year old was meant to be doing the cards because it's something she enjoys normally as a hobby thing and they are lovely. Today though she wanted to be upstairs. I've left it for now and I'll see how it goes. The whole thing has upset me more than them to be fair. No one seems much bothered so I guess IABU for giving a stuff.

I think 13 is a bit old to be interested in that sort of stuff, tbh. All I was interested in at 13 was books, boys, horses and make-up. And I barely left my room from 13-15 as, like many teens, I found my parents out of touch and desperately uncool.

I've never heard of anyone decorating their house for Easter in the UK. Even my devoutly RC grandmother didn't, as far as I can recall, and her flat was awash with madonnas and crucifixes.

@LaceyBetty

what do you have decorations of? the whole crucifixion, or?

Pretty disingenuous to pretend you don't know what Easter decorations are.

I don't know what they are either!

I envisage the sort of thing they have in the window of a posh chocolate shop that I occasionally venture into: chicks, rabbits, nests full of little eggs and daffodils.

It'll be easier if you just accept now that your 13yo daughter will not be interested in anything you think might be fun for quite some time. As in, years.

But I too, am stumped to figure out what Easter decorations would consist of Have you never been in a shop in March? They have Easter decorations.

www.paperchase.com/en_gb/easter/all gives an example.

People do wreaths, twiggy things, plants, flowers, animals, eggs. This has all been common (not majority, certainly not universal like Christmas) since my childhood (I'm middle aged).

You sound like a lovely mum, wish mine had made more effort in being creative as a family. One day your girls will feel ashamed about this

Enjoying the promise of future shame is what we all want as parents, after all...

The pinnacle of course is found in Good Housekeeping

www.goodhousekeeping.com/holidays/easter-ideas/g2217/easter-decorations/

Easter decorations here usually consist of a big vase of greenery/blossom - twisted willow, forcythia, anything that's looking good in the garden. Then little wooden eggs, chicks. It's not a religious basis for us, just a celebration of spring.

@vomcomvomcom

You sound like a lovely mum, wish mine had made more effort in being creative as a family. One day your girls will feel ashamed about this

@vomcomvomcom That's a very nasty thing to say. Why should the kids feel 'ashamed' of growing out of something they no longer wish to do? It's a chore, it's not fun, and it's selfish and nasty to think they should be 'ashamed' for wanting to relax after a stressful time at school and not be forced into activities. I think you should be ashamed, not them.

It occurred to me that I'm appallingly ignorant about Easter traditions, having been brought up a devout atheist , so I had a quick google to educate myself.

I think this sort of Easter celebration sounds rather fun:

"Anglo-Saxon pagans celebrated this time of rebirth by invoking Ēostre or Ostara, the goddess of spring, the dawn, and fertility. ... To celebrate nature's “rebirth,” the ancients would hold festivals in April to honor the Goddess, which most likely included lavish sex rituals, and even full-on orgies"

Makes chocolate eggs and hot cross buns seem a bit tame, doesn't it?

I’m pagan and celebrate Ostara which is pretty much Easter 😁 we decorate the house and alter ready for it and I think it does bring an element of fun, we don’t decorate the house for every pagan holiday, but the alter is always decorated which the kids like doing even the grumpy 12 year old, you sound like a great mum OP!

vomcomvomcom
You sound like a lovely mum, wish mine had made more effort in being creative as a family. One day your girls will feel ashamed about this flowers

What an awful thing to say. Ashamed??? I’m so glad you are not my mother.

I think you had a whole plan and set of ideas about what you would all do and how it would be. And you would feel like a good mum at the end of it because the kids would have been involved in creative family time etc etc.

Sadly it didn't work out like that your kids are separate people and they didn't want to do it. TBH if id just finished and my mum was immediately on at me about chicks and eggs I'd be in a mood too.

Your DD1 may be great at crafting t didn't mean she should jump up and craft whenever you get an idea of it.

I know you meant well and feel disappointed but let them do their own thing and you do yours. Did YOU want to spend the day faffing with decorations etc? I suspect you probably didn't you just thought you ought to or it would be good to do so.

Do what you want to do and let your kids do the same. Plan time together but plan it together so everyone has ownership of it.

• school

I really feel for these kids. Maybe they would have liked the activity more if they didn't feel railroaded by guilt into doing it.

Put the deccies back up. That reaction was unwarranted and unfair.

Fun activities are only fun if you're not wary about the reaction you'll get if you don't do it the right way.

Yep Aprilx meant to be doing the cards
because
it's something she enjoys
really jarred with me, too. She does it because she enjoys it, who is it that even feels they even have the right to 'expect' it? Just because she enjoys art, does not automatically mean she will enjoy such babyish activity as Easter cards, not when she is a teenager. She's not a 6 year old, and enjoying an activity doesn't mean anyone gets to automatically dictate when she does it. If for example, the OP enjoys say, knitting, and I said, right, you can knit me an Easter jumper, starting today, I am sure the OP wouldn't appreciate being told what to do with her hobby and when. I feel for the 13 year old, she is a teenager, not a baby, and someone exploiting a hobby and making demands is not on. My 13 year old self would have told my mother to make her own cards and stick them up her ... Then again, neither my mother or I are crafty, but we do have hobbies, we just don't think we have a right to make demands of each other's hobby. It's a hobby, not a JOB. The OP does come across as very self-serving and bossy and like she wants everything for herself and her own way. No thought to what her kids want. Then threatening to take the chocolate (which, really, lets be honest, is the only reason for Easter anyway, if you are a kid) away? The kids seem more mature than the OP.

Totally self sabotaging to take them down. You like them up so put them up!!

Let the DC get involved in Easter activities or sit out if they wish. It’s the holidays, they maybe just want a break. I expect they won’t opt out if any chocolate related parts of the tradition!

My eldest DD enjoys card making but I don't remind/ force her to do it. She'll be 15 this summer and some of her creations are stunning. During Ramadan she finds it relaxing to make Eid cards for my parents and in-laws but if she can't be bothered or doesn't do it one year then that's fine.
You're making it sound like an exchange, help with decorating the house in exchange for chocolate.
Are you very religious? Regular church goers as a family?