To have taken them down...

[jackieweaverforpm]

Apologies for the cryptic title.

It's Easter Sunday next week and being slightly strange as we are, we usually put up decorations for Easter. We were all set to do that today with some crafting stuff happening this morning. Instead of the lovely day I had anticipated, I experienced a two hour grump fest from DD2 about the crafting, a moan from DD1 when I asked her to make some Easter cards (this is something she is really good at and a hobby really) and then further grumping from DD2 about the decorations (crying and stropping about what should go where). I do try to make Easter special and especially this year which has been pretty shite let's face it. I have a mountain of nice stuff upstairs for next weekend and instead I think sod it. I'll have a bloody break instead. I've taken the decs down and I'm having a coffee instead. I am thoroughly knackered after a really tough few weeks at work and I have had my fill.

Stop being such a martyr

I trim up for Easter too OP...I've got two teenagers who used to help but now don't bother. Last year I didn't do itvjust as I was slammed at work due to lockdown etc. Both of the moaned about the lack of decs. So this year I've decorated, on my own-It makes me happy to do it, they sort of teenage grunted at it (but think they like it really) and that's where we're at. If i asked them to help I don't think they would and I can't be arsed with the whole conversation about it so I don't bother.
It's similar at Christmas, though we traditionally made a bigger thing of that, going to get the tree together etc. This was the first year they were a pain about coming-DD2 was stroppy and it wasn't enjoyable. I felt then as you are feeling now...but I've resolved to keep the tradition of it by doing it myself and just giving them the option to join in or not.Hoping they will come back to it one day or at least they will remember it as 'what we did at Christmas' fondly, when they are older-even if the reality is they dipped out for a year or two.

Did they think there was a choice between your activity or screens? Lol.

I have a 13 year old and understand where you are coming from.

It was my birthday yesterday. My present opening was marred by the kids stripping because we said we were all going on a bike ride after. Apparently that makes us evil.

Singing happy birthday was accompanied by me hissing in a low voice at eldest thar if he knocked his sisters coat on the floor one more time there would be consequences.

Our family watch of Saturday TV had an undercurrent of if you do that one more time tv off and bed for all!!

Great day.

You know today they will ask where are the decorations. (And if you start making the cards with no fuss....I bet they join you in making them.)

This reminds me of when I went on holiday with my dad and his new wife made me sit down and write a 'holiday diary' at the end of every day. I was supposed to write about all the fun things we'd done that day.

I hated it and just wanted to relax. It was like being in school. They thought I'd like it and then his wife got annoyed at me for not being enthusiastic enough.

Are you very religious op?

You sound like a lovely mum, wish mine had made more effort in being creative as a family. One day your girls will feel ashamed about this

@jackieweaverforpm

The 13 year old was meant to be doing the cards because it's something she enjoys normally as a hobby thing and they are lovely. Today though she wanted to be upstairs. I've left it for now and I'll see how it goes. The whole thing has upset me more than them to be fair. No one seems much bothered so I guess IABU for giving a stuff.

I expect she likes making cards in her own terms, for the occasion she chooses, for the people she chooses and at a time that she chooses.

You keep saying card making is a hobby for DD1. But to me, a hobby is something you do to relax, in your own time. Not something you are told to do for others benefit.

Maybe a better approach would be
"DD1, at some point over the weekend, could you do some Easter cards for granny, etc? But if you don't fancy it, let me know and I'll buy some"

The option would be there, but the pressure is off.

And yes, they probably will still like the eggs and whatever else you give on the day. I don't think the 2 are related.
Unless you said "if you make these cards & decorations, you can have Easter eggs next Sunday"

@Sandgrown1970

It’s a bit early and presumably they’ve just broken up from school so might be tired after a specially trying term. Try again next Saturday with the decorations. Seems odd to be “celebrating” Easter before the Crucifixion is even marked on Good Friday.

@Sandgrown1970 Arguably just as strange as celebrating Christmas during Advent. But it's what society does, eh? I knew a couple who had an Easter themed wedding on Maundy Thursday. I was surprised because they were Christians. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable TBH but to each their own.

In essence I agree though OP, wait until Holy Saturday. Do you do anything to mark Holy Week? Perhaps you could do a little each day and tell the Passion Story. (I can't work out if you celebrate Easter for secular or religious reasons) Look after yourself though!

I don't think I've ever done Easter decorations. Both ds's totally Jon interested. No wonder your 13 year old isn't keen. Lesson learnt.

OP, I think you took your cue from your youngest and had a strop. Parenting works the other way round, really.

You sound like a lovely creative Mum, OP. The activities and decorations will have already built good memories for your DC. Don’t be discouraged by their bad moods today, or by comments here. And definitely don’t take down the decs you’ve already put up. You have the right to enjoy your home too.

Maybe have another try with Dd6 later? I wouldn’t hold out much hope with a teenager, but she may come around

You're being passive aggressive. Now you're going to make them feel guilty. Well done fun mum

Op, you sound at the end of your tether. My gut is this isn't about crafting but about connection. You'd thought it would be a lovely way to connect together and when they rejected it, it felt personal.

It's ok. It's been a shit year and we've had to rely too much on our children for this feeling. Put your decorations back up if you like them and enjoy them. You're right life is miserable at the moment.

Let the kids unwind and in a few days get the cards out and start them. If they look interested invite them to join you. Alternatively ask them what they'd like to do this holiday. I'd apologise and laugh about your overreaction so you can all move on.

Happy Easter 🐣

I think you should apologise to both and start again. Taking the decorations down was very PA. Not surprising your 13 yo doesn’t want to participate. But your 6 yo will probably want to do it. Maybe they were tired.

@Mummyoflittledragon

I think you should apologise to both and start again. Taking the decorations down was very PA. Not surprising your 13 yo doesn’t want to participate. But your 6 yo will probably want to do it. Maybe they were tired.

Apologise? Nothing to apologise for. Maybe sit down and ask if they want to do this or not, but don't bloody apologise.

I’m with you that all this fun takes someone some work, at some point. At those ages, it’s fair to expect them to participate. Not only based on their mood, but on the time that the family can afford to put aside for it.

As you say, somehow the ‘mood’ always improves magically when some parts of the family tradition come along (like egg hunt). It’s important for them to see that one doesn’t happen without some goodwill on their part at other times.

I’m a big one for costumes, decorations, special foods and putting effort into family traditions too. Everybody loves the end result. But I make sure they all realise they are linked.

I don’t beg, or cajole or nag. I just pull out the bags of ‘stuff’ somewhere prominent, let everyone know when the activity will need to be (to be done in time), remind them once, then quietly start packing everything back away if no one comes to participate. I’ve never made it all the way back to the shed without ‘all hands on deck’, and an apology. I find quiet determination works well. My mum was a great one for tears and sulking over these things. Not good.

If you’re really at the end of your tether, maybe choose this Easter to be the time you really do pack everything away (and give away the eggs). I bet they’ll be very helpful at Halloween! Remember most of the world manages to survive all weekends in April without chocolate eggs, after all. Your kids will manage for one year.

I can understand your disappointment OP, but I’m sure you’ve got the message from this thread that it’s unfair to expect your DCs, particularly the 13yo, to fall into line and go along with your plans for fun with no input. They’ve had a pretty rubbish term, even if they’ve been coping OK - long, tiring, boring and they have had a lot of expectation on what they will do at home through home learning. Give them a break.

That does not mean that you have to sacrifice a tradition that brings joy to you, though. If decorations make you feel cheerful, go ahead and do it and enjoy it, you don’t need their help. It doesn’t need to be about or for the kids - it is perfectly acceptable for an adult to want the decorations for themselves.

As a side note, I’m not really sure what all the faux ignorance and bewilderment about Easter decorations is about. I’m not religious but I like to celebrate the changing of the seasons and take a reason to do something different while it’s here. No crime in that.

I never even knew there was such a thing as Easter decorations. I learn something every day on here.

So you had a grump following their grump?
How many cards did you ask your dd to make? Maybe she’d like to do it another time or do something else like baking nearer the time instead?

Put the decorations back up and they might just relax into it rather than think you’re angry so they had better do something out of guilt.

Sandgrown1970 Arguably just as strange as celebrating Christmas during Advent. But it's what society does, eh? I knew a couple who had an Easter themed wedding on Maundy Thursday. I was surprised because they were Christians. It made me feel a bit uncomfortable TBH but to each their own.

I don’t personally celebrate Christmas in Advent, for me Christmas starts at midnight mass and ends on Epiphany. The whole starting Christmas on the 1st December (or even 1st November these days!) and declaring it all over on St Stephen’s Day irks me but I can recognise that for a big part of society, the Christian part of Christmas means nothing to them and it’s all about Father Christmas/Santa and gifts, eating and seeing family. So they have no reason to mark or even acknowledge Advent.

I’ll admit I find making a big deal of Easter when not a Christian much stranger. Getting lots of chocolate eggs etc understandable as they are all in the shops etc but if Easter is going to get hijacked by the “Easter Bunny” (whatever that is anyway!) and we are going to start having a massive hyped up commercial lead up to Easter and pressure to turn it into get another materialistic event that starts earlier and earlier each year and finishes the day it actually starts, and starts during what is for Christians a somber time, then I will feel like banging my head against a wall. Again for me, Easter starts with the Easter Vigil on Saturday night and ends at Pentecost. Go into a Catholic Church this week and you won’t find bright decorations, Easter bunnies and eggs everywhere. Everything is stripped away and the statues are all veiled with purple fabric. It’s a solemn week. and I think a lot of society don’t realise that. I decorate a little for Easter, but not until Saturday before I go to the vigil. I’d feel uncomfortable if they were up now, it’s a sad week from today onwards.

In terms of the wedding, it wouldn’t be allowed during Lent in any of the Catholic Churches near me (unsure about other denominations) and Maundy Thursday is busy enough in churches without adding a wedding into the mix. Before I was born a relative had a “shotgun” wedding during Lent but they weren’t allowed anything flower wise but the bride’s bouquet, couldn’t decorate the church, only allowed one bridesmaid and she had to wear “Lenten appropriate colours”, the bride wasn’t permitted to wear white etc and I think it was only allowed to go ahead on the Saturday before Laetare Sunday. The bride and bridesmaid wore very dark purple!

Anyway, my personal, boring musings and opinions only.

Yanbu. Decorations for Easter,?crazy . Just enjoy your day.

I don't know what most of the terms you use mean Sandgrown1970. I don't think anyone except the really uber religious care about Easter. It's just a time to eat chocolate. It doesn't mean anything at all really. Christmas does have far, far more meaning, there are actual decorations to put up for Christmas, and Christmas lasts much longer. It's magical and special. Where as people from my era and up just buy eggs and hot cross buns throughout the week to eat whenever they want. Only holiday I see decorations being put up for is Christmas, occasionally for Halloween - but where I am Halloween is seen more as an American practice and people don't really do it here. I don't think kids give a stuff about Easter really, I can't see any kid wanting to actually make decorations for Easter, I just can't imagine it.
But Easter, like Christmas, are traditional PAGAN holidays anyway, and were stolen from pagans and co-opted by Christians who unless are religious, never go to church except for a wedding or funeral. So I can't get upset at Christians practicing or not practicing stolen holidays and rituals properly.

To do list: look up Advent, Maundy Thursday, Epiphany, St Stephens, Pentecost. I thought Pentecostal was a religion. Seems I have a lot of reading to do.