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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To have taken them down...

118 replies

jackieweaverforpm · 27/03/2021 16:16

Apologies for the cryptic title.

It's Easter Sunday next week and being slightly strange as we are, we usually put up decorations for Easter. We were all set to do that today with some crafting stuff happening this morning. Instead of the lovely day I had anticipated, I experienced a two hour grump fest from DD2 about the crafting, a moan from DD1 when I asked her to make some Easter cards (this is something she is really good at and a hobby really) and then further grumping from DD2 about the decorations (crying and stropping about what should go where). I do try to make Easter special and especially this year which has been pretty shite let's face it. I have a mountain of nice stuff upstairs for next weekend and instead I think sod it. I'll have a bloody break instead. I've taken the decs down and I'm having a coffee instead. I am thoroughly knackered after a really tough few weeks at work and I have had my fill.

OP posts:

Original poster

jackieweaverforpm · 27/03/2021 19:07

YABU, of course your teenager wants to relaxing in her room not making Easter cards on demand for her overbearing mother! Just relax and stop trying to force ‘fun’

I do get what you're saying here but if no effort is put in by anyone then there is no anything is there. Someone has to give a damn or everyone just spends time staring at a screen. To be honest, in the current climate I think there's enough of that going on as it is.

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 27/03/2021 19:09

Forced fun? And they’ve literally just finished school? Give them a break, omg, I’d cry if anyone tried to make me have fun this weekend! In fact, I’m incredibly tired, easily irritated and desperate just to do my own thing this weekend (and I’m a teacher 😳)

DietrichandDiMaggio · 27/03/2021 19:50

@jackieweaverforpm

YABU, of course your teenager wants to relaxing in her room not making Easter cards on demand for her overbearing mother! Just relax and stop trying to force ‘fun’

But most people, especially kids, don't put any effort into Easter if they are not religious. Your comment about them being happy to have the eggs you've got them suggests you think they have to do something to earn them, rather than them just being something nice that you give them.

espressoontap · 27/03/2021 20:00

Don't force them to do things. Why have you done that? If I'd made my kids do something like that I'd feel guilty. Give them a break. Poor kids.

You put the decs up if you really want to. Don't force it on them, for goodness sake.

espressoontap · 27/03/2021 20:02

@jackieweaverforpm

YABU, of course your teenager wants to relaxing in her room not making Easter cards on demand for her overbearing mother! Just relax and stop trying to force ‘fun’

Maybe Easter isn't something important to them? Are you religious? Is this why you have such a bee in your bonnet? Like you say, it's been a shit year - give them a break.

Floralnomad · 27/03/2021 20:04

Who do you send Easter cards to ? I don’t think I’ve ever sent or received an Easter card .

Okbussitout · 27/03/2021 20:06

@LaceyBetty

what do you have decorations of? the whole crucifixion, or?

Pretty disingenuous to pretend you don't know what Easter decorations are.

That's what people do on mumsnet though. I thought a poster doing the whole faux confusion thing was obligatory.

Original poster

jackieweaverforpm · 27/03/2021 21:15

The cards were just for family. It wasn't really forced fun- it is a small number of decs that we put up to cheer the house up a bit for Easter. Oh well. Lesson learned.

OP posts:

Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 27/03/2021 22:30

@jackieweaverforpm

The cards were just for family. It wasn't really forced fun- it is a small number of decs that we put up to cheer the house up a bit for Easter. Oh well. Lesson learned.

It really doesn't seem like you accept that 13 year olds aren't giddy with excitement over making Easter cards to send to great auntie Joan. It really seems like you enjoy your daughters making Easter decorations and you enjoy/expect your 13 year old to enjoy making Easter cards but you really haven't even considered that they may not enjoy it. I enjoy baking as a hobby but as it's a hobby not an obligation it is done on my terms, for my pleasure. If someone started demanding I bake something for them because they think I ought to and should be glad that they are demanding that I do it and enjoy it then I would be extremely pissed off. You sound really bitter that your daughters don't want to do this rather childish arts and crafts session you planned in your head and have, in a strop, decided that Easter won't be the same this year because they haven't met your expectations. If you'd rather not decorate the house for Easter this year because your daughters have grown out of/are tired/fed up/bored of being forced to make handmade decorations for your house then fine, carry on, but I doubt anybody else would even notice or care. Just let them have a rest and eat too much chocolate next Sunday without trying to guilt them into doing shit arts and crafts to stop you sulking and trying to make them earn a chocolate egg.

GiveIrelandBackToTheIrish · 27/03/2021 23:24

Aw I thought it was a cute idea. Oh well, don't let this get you down OP.

melj1213 · 27/03/2021 23:29

But why did it have to be today and why did they have to do it? Forced fun is not fun and some people (such as teenagers) don't put the same value on decorating for Easter as you do. Thag isn't wrong or bad, they just don't care about it as much as you do. If you want to decorate, decorate. But don't try and make it an "activity" your kids are forced into.

I have Easter decor - an Easter egg wreath on the front door, a few ceramic chicks/bunnies, a wooden "happy Easter" banner, Easter basket table centrepiece etc - but I didn't make my preteen DD help me put it out, I just did it myself and literally took about 15 minutes. She likes all the little decor pieces but if I didn't put them out then she wouldn't be devastated and tbh probably wouldn't notice because its just knick knacks around the house ... if there were chocolate eggs on every sideboard she might be interested.

Howshouldibehave · 27/03/2021 23:39

A two-hour grump about the crafting-how on earth did that happen?! We’re not talking GCSE revision or last minute homework that had to be done?

If you say, ‘do you fancy doing Easter craft now?’ or, ‘do you want to do Easter cards?’ and they say, ‘no’-surely that’s the end of it??

Is this more about what you wanted to do today or them? My kids are exhausted today after a fairly shitty few weeks back at school. They did very little today-one didn’t get dressed at all. That’s fine with me.

Howshouldibehave · 27/03/2021 23:42

The 13 year old was meant to be doing the cards

Says who? This says more about your agenda about what you think Easter should look like.

If you want Easter cards done and nobody else in the house wants to make them-why don’t you do it?

FurrySlipperBoots · 27/03/2021 23:55

YABU to take the decs down, that's just throwing your toys out of the pram (though I'm not judging, I tore down the Christmas lights in a tearful strop one year because I was told they were 'very bright!') but YANBU to feel sad that they didn't want to participate. Unfortunately children are individuals with their own agenda and moods. A more casual 'I've bought some crafty bits if you fancied making cards at some point DD1' or 'I was going to decorate some cute bunny cut-outs DD2, want to join me?' would probably be a better approach than 'Right, today we're doing Easter crafts! You do this and you do that!' or whatever.

I would put the decs you've taken down back up and start tomorrow with a fresh attitude. Any more effort you want to make, just do because you want to do it, or suggest it as a possibility rather than a request.

shiningstar2 · 28/03/2021 00:27

I think you are in that transition place with your 13 year old when the things she's always liked doing change. It's difficult when that happens because, if she has been happy in the past to do this stuff it comes as a surprise when she suddenly doesn't. The younger one probably enjoyed it because it was something she did with her big sister so, if her big sister isn't interested, the attraction of doing if for her has gone. You could try resurrecting it as a family tradition just you and the younger one. You could help the younger one do the cards but probably not as much fun for any of you.

At thirteen things do begin to change, all quite natural as they gradually become more independent minded. Sometimes a bit hard to get used to at first though

AlwaysLatte · 28/03/2021 00:39

We're doing ours tomorrow - usually cut a huge flowering branch from our magnolia, add some fairy lights and the children's painted eggs from over the years - though the last couple they've not been too enthusiastic about joining in with the decorating. Might be more enthusiastic about making some hoss cron buns, as DS13 used to call them!

FlyingByTheSeatof · 28/03/2021 00:57

My DM puts up Easter decorations every year because she likes them.

We like them when we visit her because it about her not us.

If you like them put them up if you don't then don't

FlyingByTheSeatof · 28/03/2021 00:59

I never put up Easter decorations at home or made any with my DC, they did all that at School.

I painted a few eggs with her as a child once and that's about it as I had no interest in arts and crafts that didn't stop her decorating though. It's her thing not mine

FlyingByTheSeatof · 28/03/2021 02:01