Dp rated my body 3/5

[Franklyfrost]

Last night dp and I were watching a lecture on the science of attraction. The lecturer showed a slide of a questionnaire used in a study. There are five categories: legs, arms, eyes, face and body size. In the study they asked people to rate their partner out of 5 for those categories. The lecturer says that we can try it at home. Dp writes ‘5, 3, 4, 5, 5’ in his notes. The slide changes and I can’t remember the order of the questions so I can’t work out what part of me is a 3. Dp refuses to tell me. We joke about it but he still won’t tell me. I ask him again today, making clear that I know it’s not a big deal but that not knowing is bugging me. Dp still won’t tell me and says it doesn’t mean anything. I’m not going to bring it up with him again as it will end in a fight but I’m feeling a bit sad and can’t let it go in my head.

I’m not sure if it’s relevant but I drew a big 5 in my notes.

So help me reach some resolution:
YABU I’m being neurotic and need to get a grip.
YANBU If you’re going to rate someone’s body parts in front of them, knowing full well they’re watching be prepared to have a two minute discussion about it especially if you rate some part 40% less than other parts.

It's not a big deal! Is your body a 5? Do you look like a bikini model? I know I don't!

@ZombeaArthur
‘I’d expect him to be honest about what he wrote, given he was happy enough to do it in the first place.’

Yes! That’s what bothered me. Thanks for understanding.

So if he said you've got a fat arse or saggy tits - not too bad but 3/5 bad - that would make you feel better?

Why would you do this?!

Would you honestly rate YOURSELF 5 out of 5 for everything?? Nothing good was ever going to come from this!

@Sansaplans

It was never going to end well was it...

Quite.

• An0n0n0n

Why would you do this?!

Would you honestly rate YOURSELF 5 out of 5 for everything?? Nothing good was ever going to come from this!*

Why does everyone assume I asked to be rated? I never said that I had asked and it makes no sense: why would I be upset that he rated me if I had asked to be rated?

Oh dear.

My sister's husband once decided to share his personal rating system for women's physical attractiveness. He rated her a solid 3/5 then proceeded to justify it. He said she had done well as he was a 4/5 that he loves her great personality, she is a great parent and before having kids she would have been a 5. He had not thought it through and slept in the spare room for a week after that.

Tbh, I think your husband was wise to stop talking.

@Tooshytoshine

Oh dear.

My sister's husband once decided to share his personal rating system for women's physical attractiveness. He rated her a solid 3/5 then proceeded to justify it. He said she had done well as he was a 4/5 that he loves her great personality, she is a great parent and before having kids she would have been a 5. He had not thought it through and slept in the spare room for a week after that.

Tbh, I think your husband was wise to stop talking.

Holt fuck. Cant decide if I would want to be at this dinner party... or not

Im just thinking about this level of honesty and if I was to be honest about my 2 exs appearances this is what I would have said

EX1 - Big nose, protruding eyes, nice teeth, rugby player physique, nice flat stomach, quite ugly face and thin greasy hair

EX2 - Exceptionally skinny, almost comcave stomach, legs absolutely dreadful, large nose and chin, small beady eyes

But..at the time, although I could see their faults, I still loved them. Now if they were to decribe me this is what I imagine they may say

Fat stomach, thin legs, nice eyes, hair too dry and split ends. Big boobs, nice teeth although not so much now.

Just out of curiosity OP, how long have you been together?

Well. He was dumb but he has been smart to totally disengage with it now as it would result in nothing good at all to further talk on this subject.

@Jenasaurus. Your 2nd ex was’nt Charles Hawtrey was it? :00

Are you both 14? Weird!

@Tooshytoshine
Oh no! That is terrible. I think you should get @Jenasaurus to give your bil a breakdown of his appearance.

@GrandDuchessRomanov
6 years. No joke I’d give our relationship a 4/5

[quote GrandDuchessRomanov]@Jenasaurus. Your 2nd ex was’nt Charles Hawtrey was it? :00[/quote]
Just googled and there is a similarity with the body type but my Ex had a much bigger nose and smaller eyes he was told he looked like Owen Wilson

*@Atalune

Well. He was dumb but he has been smart to totally disengage with it now as it would result in nothing good at all to further talk on this subject.*

Yes, you’re right. I think it’s a pattern where I get upset by something little and want to chew it over until I’ve really understood it before letting it go- even if I acknowledge at the time it’s not important.

Does it matter?

Clearly there are a significant number of women in the world more attractive than me, DH's ex girlfriend is significantly more attractive than me but it really doesn't matter. He has seen me at my ugliest and he loves me.

That was the finding of the study that the questionnaire was for! Before social interaction physical attractiveness is rated high, then it drops and then it rises again because you start to correlate your partners physical features (beer belly) with their personality traits (good listener)

This programme is sounding more crap by the second.

It's not hugely revelatory is it? We could all have deduced the above without any questionnaires needed. It's kinda common sense.

Sorry I just re-read the OP. It's a lecture? (Not a programme as I wrote).

Why were you watching it at all? Is one of you studying?

Coming back to the topic you wrote:

I feel like he’s dismissed my feelings after doing something bloody provocative

I think this is wildly overstating it. He was following a lecture. He took notes. Lecturer made a suggestion that he do this at home & he did, without thinking I imagine.

He now is trying to get out of a situation caused by his foolish decision.

I think he & you could move it on by opening up about the underlying feelings - you explaining vie you feel (but leaving the rating thing go) & he validating your feelings & letting you know he loves you & finds you attractive.