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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp rated my body 3/5

96 replies

Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 14:30

Last night dp and I were watching a lecture on the science of attraction. The lecturer showed a slide of a questionnaire used in a study. There are five categories: legs, arms, eyes, face and body size. In the study they asked people to rate their partner out of 5 for those categories. The lecturer says that we can try it at home. Dp writes ‘5, 3, 4, 5, 5’ in his notes. The slide changes and I can’t remember the order of the questions so I can’t work out what part of me is a 3. Dp refuses to tell me. We joke about it but he still won’t tell me. I ask him again today, making clear that I know it’s not a big deal but that not knowing is bugging me. Dp still won’t tell me and says it doesn’t mean anything. I’m not going to bring it up with him again as it will end in a fight but I’m feeling a bit sad and can’t let it go in my head.

I’m not sure if it’s relevant but I drew a big 5 in my notes.

So help me reach some resolution:
YABU I’m being neurotic and need to get a grip.
YANBU If you’re going to rate someone’s body parts in front of them, knowing full well they’re watching be prepared to have a two minute discussion about it especially if you rate some part 40% less than other parts.

OP posts:
giao · 27/03/2021 15:26

Try honestly marking yourself OP.

He's probably been more generous about you than you would be yourself.

AcornAutumn · 27/03/2021 15:26

@OysterMonkey

But how would you feel if he did tell you? Would you then fixate on the fact he rated your legs (for example) a 3?

Just drop the whole daft thing and never get involved in such a thing again.

But she didn't

Her partner did this.

Original poster
Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 15:32

* @NoIDontWatchLoveIsland*

The withholding is because he has realised in 99% of situations this is just a lose lose for him and he's trying to draw a line under it/leave it behind.

Let him**

Yeah. I think it is that he’s realised he’s in a hole and has stopped digging. And I have let him but still feel that having done something without thinking about my feelings, he should have then made it up to me by answering my question.

It is all a bit ridiculous I know. It is helpful seeing that so many people wouldn’t be bothered. And yes, I know that confidence is attractive (the irony...).

OP posts:
FlyingByTheSeatof · 27/03/2021 15:35

Maybe DP wrote 3 just to wind you up perhaps.

Jenasaurus · 27/03/2021 15:39

I would focus on all of you is above average as surely a 2.5 is average so even the 3 is a good score

HollowTalk · 27/03/2021 15:43

That lecturer hadn't a bloody clue, had he? Asking people at home to rate their partners for their body parts could lead to divorce. How ridiculous he couldn't see that.

luxxlisbon · 27/03/2021 15:47

YABU. This is one of those tests that don’t end well. Obsessing over which category was a 3 just shows that you will be upset when you know which one it is. It will not end when you know.

Butchyrestingface · 27/03/2021 15:50

The disparity does bother me. What does it mean if your arms are 40% less attractive than your face? Or if your eyes are a 3 but your face is a 5?

FFS, I'd give you a 1 out of 5 for this.

Although, having said that, he IS your partner and SHOULD know you well enough to know you seem like the last person on earth he should be doing this with. Hell slap it into him, as they say.

whitespotsgreenleaves · 27/03/2021 15:50

@HollowTalk

That lecturer hadn't a bloody clue, had he? Asking people at home to rate their partners for their body parts could lead to divorce. How ridiculous he couldn't see that.
Totally this! What a complete dick.

However, if push came to shove I would expect my partner to rate me 5.
I rate my partners 5. Once I am attracted to them, I find things I associate with them attractive. So when my boyfriend had a beer belly, I found beer bellies really attractive, when my boyfriend was cyclist, I found cyclists really attractive and so on. It works that way around for me and I'd kinda assume, perhaps naively, that it would for my partners.

Gumandbass · 27/03/2021 15:51

Christ, you two must be bored. Not long till you can go out for dinner & 🍸 🍹

partyatthepalace · 27/03/2021 15:56

You are obsessing and exaggerating - your title says he rated you 3/5 - he didn’t.

It was a bit of a dick move to do that in front of you, but since he did we know he finds you very attractive, as he should,

If I were him I wouldn’t tell you either. It was a silly thing to do on his part - but now you are being silly by banging on about it. No one is a 5/5 everywhere, I imagine you know broadly what your good and bad points are, and anyway it’s all subjective (ie maybe he generally likes big bums and you don’t have one - doesn’t mean you don’t have a nice arse.)

Original poster
Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 15:56

Thank you everyone. I feel better about it all even though that means accepting that sometimes I’m an insecure mess.

OP posts:
SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/03/2021 15:58

Everyone feels sometimes insecured about something. It's about how you deal with it, rather than prevent it

Original poster
Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 16:00
  • @whitespotsgreenleaves

HollowTalk
That lecturer hadn't a bloody clue, had he? Asking people at home to rate their partners for their body parts could lead to divorce. How ridiculous he couldn't see that.
Totally this! What a complete dick.

However, if push came to shove I would expect my partner to rate me 5.
I rate my partners 5. Once I am attracted to them, I find things I associate with them attractive. So when my boyfriend had a beer belly, I found beer bellies really attractive, when my boyfriend was cyclist, I found cyclists really attractive and so on. It works that way around for me and I'd kinda assume, perhaps naively, that it would for my partners.*

That was the finding of the study that the questionnaire was for! Before social interaction physical attractiveness is rated high, then it drops and then it rises again because you start to correlate your partners physical features (beer belly) with their personality traits (good listener).

OP posts:
NotAPanda · 27/03/2021 16:01

YABU because why the fuck would he even do that in full view of you? What was the intent?
My DP would never even consider doing this
Also why TF was your DP taking notes? Is he in uni or sth

DeeCeeCherry · 27/03/2021 16:06

Ginevere
Basically, play stupid games, win stupid prizes

Yep.

& Why do you need your man to deem you body-perfect anyway? There's more to a relationship than that. Were you being honest in your ratings?

Its all just too silly to contemplate beyond a shallow level tbh.

MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 27/03/2021 16:09

Amdone he was wearing an ancient, marrowfat green football top which is skintight thanks to lock down and has the classic pot belly, skinny legs shape.

It really was a sight to behold 😂😂😂

areyoumeop · 27/03/2021 16:11

and i thought my Friday night Netflix and wine was exciting...

FWIW i would be rated a 1 at home and a 5 as a life model

kowari · 27/03/2021 16:13

Those are good scores aren't they? 3 is the middle score so average, not below average, and the others are higher.

kowari · 27/03/2021 16:14

So when my boyfriend had a beer belly, I found beer bellies really attractive Confused

firstimemamma · 27/03/2021 16:16

He gave you 3 5s and 1 3 (unless I misread, happy to be corrected) so the thread title is a bit misleading.

HideousKinky · 27/03/2021 16:19

It is all a bit ridiculous I know

You said it....

ZombeaArthur · 27/03/2021 16:19

I’d be really pissed off if my husband decided to rate my body right in front of me and show me my ‘score’. That’s a really shitty thing for your DP to do. I’d be more bothered that he did it at all than his score, although now that he’s done it, I’d expect him to be honest about what he wrote, given he was happy enough to do it in the first place.

I’d feel differently if you’d asked him to do it, or if you’d participated and scored him.

AliceMcK · 27/03/2021 16:22

@StillCoughingandLaughing

You were silly to even try it. Very few people think their partners have perfect bodies - most people aren’t daft enough to ask for a rating.
This!
Original poster
Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 16:27

@AliceMcK

@StillCoughingandLaughing
You were silly to even try it. Very few people think their partners have perfect bodies - most people aren’t daft enough to ask for a rating.
This!

I didn’t ask for him to rate me.

OP posts: