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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp rated my body 3/5

96 replies

Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 14:30

Last night dp and I were watching a lecture on the science of attraction. The lecturer showed a slide of a questionnaire used in a study. There are five categories: legs, arms, eyes, face and body size. In the study they asked people to rate their partner out of 5 for those categories. The lecturer says that we can try it at home. Dp writes ‘5, 3, 4, 5, 5’ in his notes. The slide changes and I can’t remember the order of the questions so I can’t work out what part of me is a 3. Dp refuses to tell me. We joke about it but he still won’t tell me. I ask him again today, making clear that I know it’s not a big deal but that not knowing is bugging me. Dp still won’t tell me and says it doesn’t mean anything. I’m not going to bring it up with him again as it will end in a fight but I’m feeling a bit sad and can’t let it go in my head.

I’m not sure if it’s relevant but I drew a big 5 in my notes.

So help me reach some resolution:
YABU I’m being neurotic and need to get a grip.
YANBU If you’re going to rate someone’s body parts in front of them, knowing full well they’re watching be prepared to have a two minute discussion about it especially if you rate some part 40% less than other parts.

OP posts:
Original poster
Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 15:00

I don’t think I am or want to be all 5s.

The disparity does bother me. What does it mean if your arms are 40% less attractive than your face? Or if your eyes are a 3 but your face is a 5?

OP posts:
Sansaplans · 27/03/2021 15:00

@Franklyfrost

I didn’t ASK him! He just did it. I had no idea it was in the lecture and no idea he’d do it.

I don’t think he’s a 5 all round but I don’t care about that! And I don’t care that he doesn’t think I’m all 5s. What bugs me is that he won’t tell me which body parts his answers related to. I feel like he’s dismissed my feelings after doing something bloody provocative.

I actually disagree, he probably doesn't want to tell you as he thinks you'll be upset and become more conscious about that area. If he didn't give a shit he probably wouldn't think twice about telling you x body part wasn't a 5.
BrownEyedGirl80 · 27/03/2021 15:04

I'd want to know too but imagine if he said it was your thighs that were a 3 for example; you'd be obsessed that he didn't like them.

RestingPandaFace · 27/03/2021 15:04

I rate your DPs brain 1/5 Smile

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/03/2021 15:08

Do you think you are a 5 across the board?

I'd be a bit baffled if DH thought I was, I would probably suggest he pop to the optician.

Iwonder08 · 27/03/2021 15:08

He is right not to tell you. Imagine he says your arms are 3 out of 5. You are going to give yourself a complex and will start covering them up or something. The whole thing was ridiculously stupid, but once done he shouldnt tell you. And stop asking

Nancydrawn · 27/03/2021 15:09

This is so dumb. What possessed you?

Original poster
Franklyfrost · 27/03/2021 15:09

@BrownEyedGirl80 @Sansaplansf

I think if he’d told me straight away we’d have joked about it (you’re just jealous of my big strong runners legs) and it would have niggled for a couple of days then faded. It’s the withholding of information that does my head in.

OP posts:
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 27/03/2021 15:09

Meh, I couldn't get worked up over this...... Mind you my parting words to dp this morning were that he looked like a marrowfat pea on stilts. He hasn't retaliated yet. But he will. Blush

TheDaydreamBelievers · 27/03/2021 15:09

I do understand, but do you think you might feel worse if he told you and get self conscious about that area? I wonder if hes denying telling you cause of that. He should definitely apologise for doing it in the first place though!

SchrodingersImmigrant · 27/03/2021 15:10

Normal arms are pretty much meh so... Maybe that's what he went in.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/03/2021 15:10

Ps the disparity is totally normal!!

I think I've got an ok face but for me to get lean toned arms requires weight loss that results in non existent boobs. Its just my shape and I'm ok with that. I'd say its literally impossible for me personally to be a 5 for both boobs & arms.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 27/03/2021 15:12

The withholding is because he has realised in 99% of situations this is just a lose lose for him and he's trying to draw a line under it/leave it behind.

Let him

araiwa · 27/03/2021 15:13

Just bloody drop it

SarahBellam · 27/03/2021 15:15

Are you a supermodel? If so, you must be gutted with a three.

ginghamtablecloths · 27/03/2021 15:18

Give your DP a 0 for kindness and a 5 for shittiness.

Aquamarine1029 · 27/03/2021 15:18

Let. It. Go.

For fuck's sake. This is beyond absurd.

Amdone123 · 27/03/2021 15:19

@MobyDicksTinyCanoe, see if you can't laugh with each other, what's the point ?
A marrowfat pea on stilts ! So funny. I bet he's lovely, really.

AmberItsACertainty · 27/03/2021 15:19

@Franklyfrost

I don’t think I am or want to be all 5s.

The disparity does bother me. What does it mean if your arms are 40% less attractive than your face? Or if your eyes are a 3 but your face is a 5?

It means sod all, so let it go and stop worrying. Go stand in front of a full length mirror. Smile, because that makes everyone look better. Then look at the overall picture and decide if there's anything you want to change eg clothes style, hairstyle, make-up, diet etc. Be happy with yourself, confidence is the most attractive thing.
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 27/03/2021 15:19

He's not stupid, he knows full well he made a mistake doing this in front of you - isn't daft enough to compound it by entering into further discussion with you about it.

You're not dropping it and you're not as okay with the rating as you say you are.. because otherwise you wouldn't have started a thread about it. It's bugging you to know more but if you did, you really would - from what I see in your posts - go to town about it.

The worst thing isn't that he rated you, it would be if he didn't have you in mind at all and was rating somebody else.

As PP says, just drop it.

OysterMonkey · 27/03/2021 15:19

But how would you feel if he did tell you?
Would you then fixate on the fact he rated your legs (for example) a 3?

Just drop the whole daft thing and never get involved in such a thing again.

iolaus · 27/03/2021 15:19

Why would anyone do that?

It's asking for trouble

There are parts of my husband's body that I don't find that attractive, but as a whole package I'm attracted to him - I'm fairly sure he would say the same about him.

Rating someone's body is just going to bring up insecurities

lljkk · 27/03/2021 15:21

It’s the withholding of information that does my head in.

Really? Coz I reckon he knew full well you didn't want truth.

Rather like no one should ever ask "Does my bum look big in this?" as if any truthful answer to that question would ever be welcome.

LookAChicken · 27/03/2021 15:21

A terrible idea.

natasha0202 · 27/03/2021 15:24

The fact that you are so concerned to know what part is a 3, shows that you care. Is it really worth the time and energy you are wasting on it? Does your self-worth only come form your partner's opinion? Value yourself more. I know my partner probably wishes I was larger (I'm very slim) but I'd never change for him and he wouldn't ask me to. You love and are attracted to the soul of a person, the body is just a shell. Relationships that only value the superficial never last.

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