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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU or should I except the kind gesture?

70 replies

Bml11 · 27/03/2021 11:08

So, story is I’m currently a SAHM to a 2 and a half year old. My best friend and I have a dream of converting a horse box to a mobile coffee shop. We have spoken about it for ages now. A few weeks ago my partner came in and said he is happy to front the costs and get it up and running ( he is in the building trade so would do most of the work himself) he said if he does this, he wants 25% of the earnings, to which I replied ‘until you’re paid back what you put in yes?’- him - ‘no, I want 25% forever!!’ - I said no way, I don’t want to go to work, start paying my share of all the house bills etc, still prob do all the childcare/ cleaning/ cooking and then give you 25% of my earnings on top! So after him going on about it he said ok.

Anyway, a few days ago I found a receipt on the kitchen side for a horse box. I text him saying ‘you’ve brought a horse box!’ - he said yes, I wanted to wait till Sunday to tell you as that’s when I’m picking it up’ - I was like wow ok thank you so much.

Wednesday night, he’s sat on his phone and said he messaging someone about some stainless steel wrk tops. I asked what for and he said the horse box. So I was like can you just wait because my friend and I haven’t discussed how we would like it set up yet and that was that with that conversation.

Then Thursday rolls around and he said he’s picking it up that night. So that night we have it. He then sits down and tells me he’s going to x and y on the outside and a z in the inside. Again I said hold on this is for me and my friend to design. When he spoke about doing z on the inside I said I don’t know if we want that, he then got shitty with me and said well what do you want the really expensive stuff and I just replied we haven’t even spoken about it yet. So then from him I get - ‘well I’m just going to do it up, if you want to use it you can, if not I’ll sell it and make a few grand’

AIBU and should just let him do his thing or should he be listening to me as my friend and I will be paying him back. I spoke to my dad about the 25% thing, and he said my partner shouldn’t even be asking for the money he puts in back as the money I will be making will be going towards our family anyway.

OP posts:

user1493413286 · 27/03/2021 11:15

I find it worrying that he isn’t listening to you and is just doing it as he wants; it’s your idea yet he seems to be running away with the idea.
I guess he’s given it as an option that if you don’t want to go ahead then he will just sell it.
I also find him asking for the 25% a bit off as either he’s doing a nice thing for you or it’s a business investment and still 25% is a lot. I don’t necessarily agree with your dad about not having to pay him back for what he puts in as that’s then your DP investing in your business and he doesn’t have to do that and it’s not something I’d expect of a partner to put up the money to start my business.

user1493413286 · 27/03/2021 11:16

Just to add though make sure the horse box is in your name in the event of you two splitting up; if he’s the one who had bought it then he could easily say it’s his so you need to think about how you formally record that it’s yours.

iklboo · 27/03/2021 11:17

Let him go ahead & do it. On his own. You & your friend just leave him to it. He's piling on your dream and railroading it, taking it over. If he's so keen, he can do it himself.

JosephineBaker · 27/03/2021 11:17

He's bulldozing you and your friend into HIS vision for YOUR business idea. It's not on.

MaverickDanger · 27/03/2021 11:18

Let him do it up & sell it on.

Do you share finances? That’s quite a big outlay for him to go & buy, I assume he wouldn’t be happy if you had gone out and bought one as a surprise.

FromDespairToHere · 27/03/2021 11:19

Let him do it up and sell it, meanwhile you and your friend crack on with your own plans.

Chamomileteaplease · 27/03/2021 11:19

When you say partner, do you mean your long term partner with whom you have kids and a whole life? BEcause if so, this is scary!

It's like a thriller, where the husband takes over your life or something!

To even buy the trailer without you choosing it is awful.

But he is completely taking over your idea! Do you think you can get through to him that this is your idea and you want him to completely back off except for doing the work that you ask him to do?

If not, I am not sure how you could ever look at him again!

Original poster

Bml11 · 27/03/2021 11:20

@MaverickDanger

Let him do it up & sell it on.

Do you share finances? That’s quite a big outlay for him to go & buy, I assume he wouldn’t be happy if you had gone out and bought one as a surprise.

I have no income, he gives me enough to pay bills and get what I need for DS, eg nappies and stuff. I have no money.

OP posts:

Chamomileteaplease · 27/03/2021 11:21

The thing is, if he sells it to someone else, surely he is just handing out competition to someone else before you have even started! Shitty, shitty behaviour.

FelicityPike · 27/03/2021 11:22

Ooh definitely get the horse box in you & your friend’s names (business name).
Get a proper legal contract written stating once the business has returned his initial spending (by giving him at least 25% of the monthly profits....ie you can give more!) that the business will cease to give him any more money! Get that legally in written signed and with witnesses. He will not be in your business.
Good luck!

hilariousnamehere · 27/03/2021 11:24

You can't run a business on having to hand 25% over to someone for ever, that's not viable or sustainable. And he's taken away the excitement of finding and fitting out your dream under the guise of funding it. I don't like the sound of this at all - it's your and your friend's dream, you should be able to decide everything about it.

iklboo · 27/03/2021 11:24

What's he going to do if it takes ages before you start making a profit?

GerardWay123 · 27/03/2021 11:25

Slightly off topic but have you checked out the legalities of where you can park a mobile coffee shop. You can't just park it in a random layby.

ChazP · 27/03/2021 11:26

Agree with others. He’s hijacking your and your friend’s dream. What on earth is she making of him taking over like this?

Tell him it’s either done in the way you and your friend want, or you want no part in what has now become his project.

Eskarina1 · 27/03/2021 11:26

I'd sit down with your friend and do a proper business plan. Is there are market, what do you need to do to get set up (licenses/certificate), do you have all the skills you need and what do you expect to earn.

If it looks good, I'd probably accept the offer with plans to refit when you can afford. But I'd get lawyers involved to protect you all.

In terms of the relationship does he normally think providing the money means he gets to make the decisions or has he just got overexcited with his project?

Original poster

Bml11 · 27/03/2021 11:30

@GerardWay123

Slightly off topic but have you checked out the legalities of where you can park a mobile coffee shop. You can't just park it in a random layby.

We are aware and have done a lot of research into it. We know what licenses etc.

OP posts:

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 27/03/2021 11:31

He wants a 25% cut, who is he Carlo Gambino?

canigooutyet · 27/03/2021 11:31

Let him crack on with it.
And in the meantime you and you're actual business partner continue to go ahead with your agreed arrangements. When he tells you it's all ready to go, tell him it's not wanted. He has no signed contract either with you and your partner for him to even build the damn thing.

He sounds like a nasty controlling bully tbh. I wouldn't really be involved with him full stop.

Newgirls · 27/03/2021 11:33

Does he basically want to be your boss? It sounds like he has the money and holds all the cards.

Walkacrossthesand · 27/03/2021 11:37

Your hands are tied, really, he's stolen your idea in the guise of helping you with the purchase.
But he hasn't done all the research into licences etc that you have, so at best he'll have a done-up horse box and nowhere to go!

I'm alarmed for you that you are not married and have no access to funds - you're a grown woman, you shouldn't have to ask him for money.

katy1213 · 27/03/2021 11:47

If you've no money of your own, how were you planning to get a business off the ground?

CloudFormations · 27/03/2021 11:55

I wouldn’t get involved in this at all OP - he isn’t interested in your views and is clearly going to bulldoze over you with what he wants. Put together a plan and get a business loan to fund your plan - he can do what he likes with his horse box, but don’t get involved in it yourself!

Tinydinosaur · 27/03/2021 11:57

He sounds insanely controlling. He's just taken over your idea. Plus, you have no access to any money

Original poster

Bml11 · 27/03/2021 12:02

@Tinydinosaur

He sounds insanely controlling. He's just taken over your idea. Plus, you have no access to any money

I think you’re right. It’s probably best for me to go and get a normal job and get my own income going and do this myself.

OP posts:

Mylovelyhorsee · 27/03/2021 12:10

I find it strange that he wants a cut from it, surely any money you would make would be family money (is he the father of your kids?) so why does he need to take 25% that’s such a weird request. I’d let him sell the horse box and you do your own thing, keep him out of it.

Ps he sounds like a twat

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