AIBU or should I except the kind gesture?

[Bml11]

So, story is I’m currently a SAHM to a 2 and a half year old. My best friend and I have a dream of converting a horse box to a mobile coffee shop. We have spoken about it for ages now. A few weeks ago my partner came in and said he is happy to front the costs and get it up and running ( he is in the building trade so would do most of the work himself) he said if he does this, he wants 25% of the earnings, to which I replied ‘until you’re paid back what you put in yes?’- him - ‘no, I want 25% forever!!’ - I said no way, I don’t want to go to work, start paying my share of all the house bills etc, still prob do all the childcare/ cleaning/ cooking and then give you 25% of my earnings on top! So after him going on about it he said ok.

Anyway, a few days ago I found a receipt on the kitchen side for a horse box. I text him saying ‘you’ve brought a horse box!’ - he said yes, I wanted to wait till Sunday to tell you as that’s when I’m picking it up’ - I was like wow ok thank you so much.

Wednesday night, he’s sat on his phone and said he messaging someone about some stainless steel wrk tops. I asked what for and he said the horse box. So I was like can you just wait because my friend and I haven’t discussed how we would like it set up yet and that was that with that conversation.

Then Thursday rolls around and he said he’s picking it up that night. So that night we have it. He then sits down and tells me he’s going to x and y on the outside and a z in the inside. Again I said hold on this is for me and my friend to design. When he spoke about doing z on the inside I said I don’t know if we want that, he then got shitty with me and said well what do you want the really expensive stuff and I just replied we haven’t even spoken about it yet. So then from him I get - ‘well I’m just going to do it up, if you want to use it you can, if not I’ll sell it and make a few grand’

AIBU and should just let him do his thing or should he be listening to me as my friend and I will be paying him back. I spoke to my dad about the 25% thing, and he said my partner shouldn’t even be asking for the money he puts in back as the money I will be making will be going towards our family anyway.

@Joinedjustforthispost - my names defo not kate and I know no colins however does this mean someone else is going through the same as me right now lol?!

did you make a decision OP 🌺

Sounds like he wants the 25% to keep you from ever being properly financially independent. He's a twat.

You sound financially very vulnerable OP.

I see two sides. The 25 percent thing is appalling. On the other hand, why do you keep saying “we haven’t talked about it” just talk about it.

@WisnaeMe - yes, think I need to get DS into nursery, I’ll go back to work, fund my own dream. Will take longer but I’ll get there, then at least it can never be taken away or used against me in anyway which I’m currently worried about. Time to be the warrior I know I can be 💪🏼

@Bluntness100 - I shouldn’t of said we haven’t spoken about it, we have many times but more the other details as in what licenses we need, were we would try and get a plot, what food/drinks we would sell. We have spoken about the style we would like but we just haven’t really gone into detail about exactly what we want for say the sides or the what we want on the walls etc because we have so much to sort out prior to that. I didn’t think we would be getting a horse box so soon.

I would expect to pay him for materials. I’d hope he would do the labouring without charge but maybe that because I wouldn’t charge my partner for something like this.
I would expect to ‘pay’ him nothing going forward.

Such a shame he’s brought the box and now seems intent on railroading this. We actually brought a coffee on a field yesterday from one of these and the prices were crazy and the queue massive. There’s definitely a demand!

I think I'd try to get a job in a cafe when things start opening up again - working there you'll learn a lot about the business which would really help you when you set one up.

Keep on doing your research, but abandon the idea for now as you have no money to get started.

I'm worried about your financial situation - you don't work because of your child and you don't really have access to any money. I agree with you that getting a job is vital now.

[quote Bml11]@WisnaeMe - yes, think I need to get DS into nursery, I’ll go back to work, fund my own dream. Will take longer but I’ll get there, then at least it can never be taken away or used against me in anyway which I’m currently worried about. Time to be the warrior I know I can be 💪🏼[/quote]

good on you 🌺

Do you have a real business plan or is this just a fantasy?

Where is the rest of the money he earns if he only gives you enough for bills and nappies etc.

@NotATomato - who knows, he has his own debt that comes out of his account so some of his wages goes to that and the rest, I guess he just spends.

@HollowTalk - my friend and I have both worked for many years in hospitality, both been mangers at different restaurants, that’s where my love of coffee came from many years ago. I travelled quite a bit, again working in hospitality along the way, when I came back to England, I realised most places sell shit coffee compared to other countries and that’s where this idea steamed From.

I agree that you are in an extremely vunerable position. There's a few red flags in your posts, your partner sounds very controlling.

I agree you need to get a job BUT make sure you're not footing all of the childcare costs.

@Bml11they must be

Maybe I could send a link to Colin and Kate so he can see the error of his ways and hopefully Kate can gain some helpful advice? @Bml11

This is all the wrong way around anyway. You need to do your branding and positioning first and then the design of the box gets based on that as the final thing before launching.

But this is about more than a horse box.

Let him sell the horse box. Keep your dream just between you and your mate until you can both achieve it without his 'help'. I have a feeling he is just trying to control you.

@ClearMountain

You can't run a business on having to hand 25% over to someone for ever That’s exactly what happens when someone purchases a share of a business! It’s fairly commonplace for an investor to own part of the business. You and your friend need to set up a business and then the business needs to purchase the horse box from him. I know it sounds silly but it’s a technicality - the business needs to purchase its own assets and you need an accountant to advise. If he’s fitting it out then you do need to talk to him about what’s affordable and legal.

Yes, but the ‘investor’ doesn’t just buy premises off his own bat without talking to the major stakeholders, start adapting them without consultation, and announce in advance that he wants a quarter of profits in perpetuity!

That’s not how business or an egalitarian relationship works.