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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or teacher?

127 replies

Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 09:32

This little comment in the school newsletter.
Is it me being over sensitive or is it a bit passive aggressive?
Our family was working full time plus throughout as frontline NHS so home school for the four year old was learning through play, we didn’t log her into the online sessions as she was in childcare and explained to her teachers why.
I’m a bit frazzled so could be me being over sensitive. I just feel it’s a bit of an unnecessary dig. AIBU?

Me or teacher?
OP posts:
Dee1975 · 27/03/2021 11:32

I wouldn’t have been happy with that. My DC didn’t get much support - we both work! And one DC has made a few comments since they’ve been back that I’m not happy with. It’s like they expected all parents to be to the teacher role? Do they not realise lots work!

Knackerelli · 27/03/2021 11:36

Ouch. It’s the tone of ‘we can see who has worked with their child’ rather than ‘that was tough, thanks for your hard work’ which was needed. I wouldn’t be happy reading that at all.

lanthanum · 27/03/2021 11:44

The first half of the sentence is fine; those who have struggled through supporting their kids at home will appreciate the thanks. The second half is not; it's just piling on the guilt for those who couldn't.

Musmerian · 27/03/2021 11:57

It’s unacceptable and it’s not difficult to find better wording either. Huge thanks to all our families who have supported their children in such difficult times. Or something along those lines. The implication that some parents have in some way failed and that this is evident in their children’s progress is firstly very insensitive and secondly likely to be untrue.

AnneElliott · 27/03/2021 12:00

It's an unhelpful and unnecessary comment, and will do nothing but make parents feel guilty.

SpringTimeDream · 27/03/2021 12:05

Totally unreasonable comment and very judgemental.

SpringTimeDream · 27/03/2021 12:07

However, @Thanksforthat123 some teachers think they are the only ones that do anything and some appear to be blinkered to the rest of society. It is a bizarre thing and can be seen on MN often.

You know what you have done and your reasons why. You don't have to explain yourself to that judgemental idiot....

IEat · 27/03/2021 12:13

It is crap to add that last bit
Schools can be shit
My DCs leaving year 6, kids stood up one by one and the teacher said lovely things about them. My DC gets up (praised throughout their primary years, model student etc etc ) the teacher says... wasn’t it hilarious when you threw up at the train station on the school trip. Here’s your bag of books

What a bitch, my dc had tears in her eyes. It was bloody awful . We left straight after that .

LuaDipa · 27/03/2021 12:15

The comment was completely uncalled for and I would complain to the head about the nasty tone. This last year has been difficult for everyone and they should be supporting parents rather than criticising them.

Floralnomad · 27/03/2021 12:21

The comment was uncalled for but I really don’t understand why your children were not in school if both you and your husband were working out of the house as your vulnerable husband was just as likely to catch it from you , a work colleague or your children’s childcare setting .

sweetgingercat · 27/03/2021 12:41

Our school made it very clear at the beginning of lockdown that there would be no judgement. I'm sorry you had this. Quite wrong...

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 27/03/2021 13:01

Can't believe senior management didn't reword this before it went out given it was a whole school letter. Ignore the comment but it is unnecessarily judgemental. If your DC is 4 then much of their learning is presumably through play anyway.

Nogoodusername · 27/03/2021 13:05

I’d have been really unhappy about that. Both me and DH continued to work full time from home, neither eligible for furlough. My Yr1 required constant supervision and assistance to do his home learning; it wasn’t possible to provide this on days where we had a lot of calls and/or deadlines. So, if he clearly wasn’t one of the children which did a lot of work from home, that’s because he doesn’t have a SAHP or furloughed parent to do that! I think it’s totally tone deaf, and ignores the struggles that some families had engaging with remote learning - either because of working parents, language difficulties, lots of children in the house of different age groups etc

babbaloushka · 27/03/2021 13:13

That's a really unfair comment. You won't be the only one questioning if it's aimed at you, even the parents able to do more at home will be worrying if they've done enough or if their DC are behind.

RLJ1905 · 27/03/2021 13:16

Yikes. That's just plain nasty

Useruseruserusee · 27/03/2021 13:20

That’s not good. The SLT at the school need a keep a closer eye on communication with parents.

ineedaholidaynow · 27/03/2021 13:21

I think that additional comment was uncalled for. But what sort of childcare setting was your DC in? If family could they not access the online learning and if childminder why was that safer than the school?

Original poster
Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 13:27

She was with grandparents who couldn’t master the technology, doing all the usual activities that 4 yr old do to learn through play. She wasn’t a screen zombie all day, although high five to the parents who had to do what they had to do to get through it, screens included!

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/03/2021 13:36

@Thanksforthat123

She was with grandparents who couldn’t master the technology, doing all the usual activities that 4 yr old do to learn through play. She wasn’t a screen zombie all day, although high five to the parents who had to do what they had to do to get through it, screens included!
If she was learning through play rather than a screen then why are you taking the comments to heart? Personally I’d have just caught up around with work as very easily done at the age.
ktp100 · 27/03/2021 13:37

It's one of those that is, unfortunately, a sore but very true point, especially for the very young children who won't be reading or writing as well as they should be (which obviously has huge implications for KS1)

It is insensitive but I think primary schools are used to being a bit naggy about home interventions. They're so aware how of much better kids do who eg read at home every day do in education and I think they generally nag parents for the right reasons.

In this case though, It's not like any parents can turn time back and change what happened in lockdown though is it! I can see why they might want to thank parents who had managed to get their kids through the work but they really need to understand that those who couldn't weren't really making the decision not to so much as physically not having the time to.

I'd drop them an email and point it out.

motherrunner · 27/03/2021 13:41

Awful comment. It is the added ‘we can see which’ that has a sneering tone.

If I had received that note I would’ve replied; I am a teacher and my children had little input from me during lockdown because I was TEACHING!

ItsMarch · 27/03/2021 14:07

That is really rude. Especially given the age of the children. Not sure how they can tell which child did the bug hunt or watched CBeebies bedtime stories.
Sorry, I know I’m being flippant and there would have been some phonics and maths in there too but let’s be honest, at that age they are all in different places with their ability anyway.
Part of their focus should be on catching them all up, as would need to happen for all classes anyway.

Parent shaming!

mcmooberry · 27/03/2021 14:08

I am shocked at the split of the vote, I think it's a dreadful comment when there is so much that would determine a parent's ability to help their child learn. I have one child aged 7 who is impossible to home school (to the extent that the school took pity and had her there when I was at work). I would not have appreciated a comment like that.

However, years ago when I had newborn twins and my son had just started school, there was a message in my son's reading record "Amazing support from home with reading" and I thought to myself, if the minimum amount of support I am managing is "amazing" what on earth are other people doing?!

PandaFluff · 27/03/2021 14:09

It's enough to be the straw that breaks the camel's back if someone is really struggling

saraclara · 27/03/2021 14:26

@SavingsQuestions

As in I think its probably true - but very tactless rather than intended to be nasty.
Nope. As someone else pointed out, it's the use of "which" that makes it pointedly passive-aggressive. It's an appalling thing to send out, and if it was the teacher rather than the head that sent it, I'd be complaining to the head (and I am a recently retired teacher). If it's from the head, then I'd still write to her pointing out that it's an unfair comment on parents whose circumstances s/he doesn't know.