Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Me or teacher?

127 replies

Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 09:32

This little comment in the school newsletter.
Is it me being over sensitive or is it a bit passive aggressive?
Our family was working full time plus throughout as frontline NHS so home school for the four year old was learning through play, we didn’t log her into the online sessions as she was in childcare and explained to her teachers why.
I’m a bit frazzled so could be me being over sensitive. I just feel it’s a bit of an unnecessary dig. AIBU?

Me or teacher?
OP posts:
sherrystrull · 27/03/2021 09:51

I'm a ks1 teacher. I think it needs challenging. It's out of order and not what the majority of teachers and schools I know have been saying.

For what it's worth, my colleagues have tried our best to reassure all parents as we know all families situations are different.

Many of us school staff have struggled juggling remote learning, childcare and working as well.

I'm also surprised it got past SLT.

AllThatFancyPaintsAsFair · 27/03/2021 09:52

@NewtoHolland

That is a vile comment. Bullying edge to it. What's the culture like in the school in general?
The comment is Ill thought out and tactless, hopefully not intended as any kind of sleight but to call it bullying is absolutley absurd.
Saz12 · 27/03/2021 09:53

I don’t imagine many parents won’t question themselves after reading that. Not supportive, not helpful, very adversarial.

iluvpickles · 27/03/2021 09:54

That absolutely unnecessary and totally inappropriate.

My sister was in similar situation. 3 kids all having to be home schooled while working for the nhs and juggling everything as a single parent. There just weren't enough hours in the day and sometimes she'd still be sitting with the 6yr old at 9pm doing school work. She felt so guilty and work had to be submitted through group chat on teams so everyone cld so who had done what and who hadn't.

I would be tempted to contact that teacher and tell her that her comments hurt and were inappropriate. Maybe even make an official complaint. Not everyone has all day to sit and home school their kids!

Shelby2010 · 27/03/2021 09:54

I think it was a nasty comment, but if you are both key workers why didn’t your DC have a school place?

Original poster
Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 09:55

Husband extremely clinically vulnerable so didn’t feel safe to have them at school.

OP posts:
Sceptre86 · 27/03/2021 09:57

It is an unhelpful comment but you are being oversensitive, you had valid reasons for not uploading work and that is that.

My dd is in preschool in Scotland (4 nearly 5), in the first lockdown I came up with loads of ideas of fun activities, I taught her phonics and she learnt how to read and also had lots of fun with ds. In the second lockdown I have been dealing with the ups and down of my first trimester and have not logged in to her learning journal to upload anything. In the first lockdown she had more targeted stuff that she could do, second lockdown was full of suggestions like go on a winter walk and pick leavesConfused.Instead I focused on getting her to put her own coat on, shoes on, feed herself, all skills she needs for starting her first year at school which she will start at 5.5 years old. We worked on her gross motor skills too. There was a catch up call from school at the time saying they would love to see what she was getting up to so I told them I was focusing on getting her more independent for school.

Needcoffeecoffeecoffee · 27/03/2021 09:57

They should have stopped the sentence after the word time.
We had similar with one teacher over the first lockdown. Very much singling out children who had done "above and beyond". Interesting these children had either no siblings or older more independent ones and 1 parent not working. It was horrible for those of us who have done the best we can with work and other children.
I would be tempted to contact the head and say while you are appreciative of the thanks you dont feel the highlighting that you can tell the difference between children's input is helpful for the school community, even if it is true.

partyatthepalace · 27/03/2021 09:58

Yep - extraordinarily nasty, tremendously ignorant of the pressures some people were under, and counterproductive - making parents feel bad will likely make things worse. I would write a really strongly worded complaint to the head.

Halo1234 · 27/03/2021 09:58

I agree with you.
It was not a clear cut choice to dedicate time to home schooling or not too. Parents still had to work. I work for the nhs and my husband has a stressful job working from home. I couldnt home school the way I would have ideally liked and did feel guilty for that. It was out of my control. We had to get by for a while and there was too much unstructured screen time. That comment would offend me. The school is lacking understanding. Yanbu.

EachDubh · 27/03/2021 10:01

Badly written and not appropriate in a news letter, I assume it is meant to be a thank you and well done to those who were able to join in sessions rathrr thanna assive aggressive comment to those, who for many reasons were not. I would have though slt would have flagged and removed or rewritten though.

Hamhockandmash · 27/03/2021 10:03

I would have to say something. As a parent, that would make me feel crappy.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 27/03/2021 10:04

Teacher here and I would never have put that in the newsletter. I had parents email me back (I had to have weekly contact during the first lockdown) all stressed because they were working and couldn’t get their child to do anything independently and the child was too tired when they’d finished work. My response was always to do their best to make sure their child was happy. Don’t spend the evening battling with school work when you could be playing with them instead. I asked them, if they could, to prioritise reading together daily.

thecatfromjapan · 27/03/2021 10:05

I wouldn't kick off about it.

It's an example of why famous people and big companies employ qualified and talented PR people - public communication is a skil.

Whoever wrote that is unlikely to have a PR background and getting the school newsletter out is something that is about 20 on a list of priorities in a busy day.

I'll bet they were trying to convey some kind of respect for patents who have struggled during lockdown and recognising, with appreciation, the work parents have done.

And ... they ended up with that sentence.

Which doesn't really convey that at all.

I, personally, would take it as a reminder of the skills involved in excellent public communication. Which we tend to take for granted because we're used to seeing it done well. But it's actually a really tricky thing to do.

LaceyBetty · 27/03/2021 10:05

I probably wouldn't let it bother me and would roll my eyes, but I agree with you OP, it's not good.

MagicMojito · 27/03/2021 10:12

Shock Angry Horrible comment. This pandemic has been awful in so many ways the last things families need is a guilt and shame heaped on top of them.

TakeTheRibbonFromYourHair · 27/03/2021 10:15

It is not acceptable to say generally, at any time, so why should it be acceptable now?
What I mean is some children don't do homework, don't get help with homework, don't get many stories read to them, don't get the chance to learn through play, don't remember to bring things in; others do and enjoy more wonderful educational opportunities besides, all of this is due to the variety in family circumstances. But no way would this be mentioned in a newsletter, and rightly so!

LovelyLovelyWarmCoffee · 27/03/2021 10:17

I disagree, some parents went they extra mile to homeschool while working and/or looking after infants, nice of the teacher to say it shows.
The children are not named anyway, so people can read it the way they want.

Quadrangle · 27/03/2021 10:17

I was all set to say that it was fine until I got to "We can really see which ..etc" It's unnecessarily pointed.

Spanglemum · 27/03/2021 10:18

Parent and school governor here. I would challenge that comment and possibly go to the head or deputy head. Maybe newsletter needs someone else reading it before it goes out.

SavingsQuestions · 27/03/2021 10:19

Generally those that do well do get praised though? We have a housepoint system - photos of "home learning " goes in the newletter. Those who are at the top of tt rockstars get called out etc... certificates for those who do well in sport...

MakeItRain · 27/03/2021 10:23

I misread it at first and missed the "which families" comment. That is a dreadful thing to say. My son's school also sent lots of comments about "wonderful home learning/supportive families" and as someone who worked fulltime when I worked at home and was unable to support him, I felt dreadful, even without that sort of personal dig. I found even the general praise was really upsetting, knowing I'd been unable to support him. But a comment like the one from your school goes so much further to make people feel guilty in such a stressful time. I think I would have to take it up with them personally.

Daydreamsinglorioustechnicolor · 27/03/2021 10:25

The headteacher at my DD school is a terrible communicator and comes out with shit like that all the time.
I can't work out if she's just totally unaware of what parents have been going through this last year, or if she just doesn't really think before she speaks/writes.

CoffeeWithCheese · 27/03/2021 10:26

We had one this week about how "clearly many of our children have forgotten how to behave in a classroom environment"... no shit Sherlock. At the moment we have distressed kids having to be manhandled onto the school grounds all over the shop - and digging at the parents for behaviour (DD1's year group have always been hard work) wasn't bloody necessary.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 27/03/2021 10:26

No need and no benefit to it. I would be very disappointed.