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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Me or teacher?

127 replies

Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 09:32

This little comment in the school newsletter.
Is it me being over sensitive or is it a bit passive aggressive?
Our family was working full time plus throughout as frontline NHS so home school for the four year old was learning through play, we didn’t log her into the online sessions as she was in childcare and explained to her teachers why.
I’m a bit frazzled so could be me being over sensitive. I just feel it’s a bit of an unnecessary dig. AIBU?

Me or teacher?
OP posts:
Makingnumber2 · 27/03/2021 10:26

I think they should have just said something like: Thanks to all our families for giving all the support they could to their child's home learning; it's wonderful to see what they've learned and how they've developed over lockdown.
The second comment they included was unnecessary and has/will breed bad feeling from people in similar positions to you.

SavingsQuestions · 27/03/2021 10:30

That would be a far better phrasing Making! But I think the intention was the same - to say the works really paid off - not to shame those who couldn't do it.

expectopelargonium · 27/03/2021 10:32

Yes, that really is a snide dig. Not impressed.

Hellodarknessmyoldpal · 27/03/2021 10:32

Yup i agree this comment is not really appropriate. Was this a whole school letter or just a class one? I would congratulate all parents for managing this extremely difficult time, no matter how much input was given at home. The kids are back in school now, time to fill any gaps.

Confrontayshunme · 27/03/2021 10:33

I did all the home learning contact for our reception classes in lockdown, and we knew lots of parents in your situation. I don't think the comment was aimed at you at all, rather the 5-6 children whose parents refused to do any work with them in order to try and get them a place in school. It is really terrible to include, but I doubt it is aimed at you personally. We really have seen a difference in the four year olds who did nothing. And by nothing, I mean just watched endless hours of tv or iPad. I don't mean those in family or professional childcare.

NailsNeedDoing · 27/03/2021 10:36

It is a horrible comment that seems unnecessary now that the children are back anyway. It is true though. There is no need to make the dig at the parents who struggled for some reason, and if your child is one of the ones that have fallen behind, then that’s the reason why children of key workers should have been offered a place in school.

Tistheseason17 · 27/03/2021 10:36

Inappropriate comment for any child who has to rely on parental support, access to computers etc.

Plenty of nurses/vital keywords did not get full time school spaces near me and had to work whilst home schooling - it was not possible.

School should be ashamed.

thecatfromjapan · 27/03/2021 10:37

Really interesting reading these replies.

As I said, I would let it float past me. But that's partly because I barely care about things like newsletters, have worked in schools, and have friends who work in PR & know there's a world of difference between the communications they produce and what we, non-PR people, come up with.

Reading these replies brings home to me how important newsletters - as a key point of interaction between school and home - are. Especially at a time when school-home relations have been disrupted.

And there must be so much anxiety around. That needs addressing: sensitively and positively.

You know, all parents have done really well. Some parents will have faced incredibly high barriers during this time - but I suspect there are vanishingly small numbers of parents/carers who haven't sought to prioritise their children, whatever the obstacles. And the children deserve enormous amounts of praise.

And, as a teacher, I'm just delighted to have them all back. The one thing I want is to celebrate their achievements and to make them feel confident and secure about their ability to go into the next academic year with everything they need.

Communicating that is important.

But it's hard to do. I'm not surprised that a teacher failed to do it. It's tricky.

Meatshake · 27/03/2021 10:48

Wow sticking the fucking boot in a bit there aren't they

Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 10:49

Possibly a lack of emotional warmth.
Another time I thought this was on the first day back after lockdown. Collecting my four year old and rather than a “she’s had a good day” type comment all they said was “you’ve forgotten to bring back her books”. (Although the child behind me got a “good day back”)
Fortunately I wasn’t worried about dc2 returning as she’s confident and resilient, but I could have been and I thought that was emotionally a bit lacking for an early years teacher.
Or maybe she thinks I’m a twat because I told them I wasn’t doing the online schooling. 🙈 roll on September!

OP posts:
Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 10:49

It was a whole school newsletter- that was the reception class bit.

OP posts:
Rollmopsrule · 27/03/2021 10:51

Yanbu - the comment is unnecessary. I think you should send a quick email.

Chloemol · 27/03/2021 10:53

Nasty comment and I would be complaining. I would also be stating I want a written apology for all families in the next newsletter

FourDecades · 27/03/2021 10:53

@Thanksforthat123

Husband extremely clinically vulnerable so didn’t feel safe to have them at school.
I'm confused. If DH was ECV he would've been shielding and so at home. So was he not able to do some home learning?
Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 10:56

He was working out of house 8-6 but in a Covid secure environment.

OP posts:
IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 27/03/2021 10:56

If you chose to opt out then I’d let it go. Many had to juggle schooling around work and in reception anything set could easily have been caught up on on days off or around work.

Thanksforthat123 · 27/03/2021 10:56

If we had a parent at home we would have done it!

OP posts:
dcb2 · 27/03/2021 10:57

It's clumsily worded but I wouldn't have an issue with it. I think most teachers are under a lot of pressure at the moment and I'd rather not take up their time over a slightly tactless sentence in a newsletter.

BadlydoneHelen · 27/03/2021 11:00

I'd not be happy with that comment at all. I'm sure the school wouldn't dream of sending out a newsletter saying"thank you to all the parents who bother reading with their children every week"

Butterfly44 · 27/03/2021 11:10

So unnecessary. I'm sure many other parents will feel the exact same and that someone will mention it

PumpkinPie2016 · 27/03/2021 11:10

YANBU - it's an unhelpful comment and will just make people feel bad.

As a teacher, I wonder what the senior team were thinking allowing that to go out on the newsletter Shock

FWIW in the first lockdown, my son was Y1 and for the first 4 weeks,we didn't do anything. Not because I don't care or couldn't be arsed but because the two weeks prior I had cared for my dying Nan up until she died the morning lockdown was announced. I was grieving and in a pretty dark place.

I told DS school and they were thankfully, very understanding. A comment like that would have really upset me.

One year on, it hasn't had a negative impact on DS. He's doing brilliantly in school and is happy. I'm sure your daughter will be the same.

hopingforabrighterfuture2021 · 27/03/2021 11:12

I’m a teacher and this is not something I’d ever write in a newsletter.

aintnothinbutagstring · 27/03/2021 11:16

If your DC was in another childcare setting then she'd have been doing some sort of age appropriate developmental activity though? So even if you and DH couldn't participate in the school led learning, she's presumably still been doing something and is not behind? So although it's not a great comment, I'd not take it personally. Maybe you feel it's aimed at you because of not having a great relationship generally with this teacher. You only have a term left of this teacher so I'd not worry too much, just do what you can do to help boost your DD for y1, focus on the phonics and reading, I'm sure she'll be fine.

NailsNeedDoing · 27/03/2021 11:18

Did they offer your child a place in school OP?

lollipoprainbow · 27/03/2021 11:27

Yanbu that would annoy me too.

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