To ask what you do when your kids don’t want to go out?

[FireBelliedToad]

Planned a bike ride, first long one of the year. About 3 hours, break for lunch. DD 9 is saying she’s not coming.
She injured her little finger yesterday (trapped in a door) and says she will not bike until it’s better.

Dont accept no, it's hard enough once they are teens so don't accept compromise now

Speaking as a primary school teacher, these 3 weeks back have been exhausting for kids and teachers!
My 2DCs and I are having a slobby sofa sort of weekend. Can't think of anything worse than a 3-hour bike ride! That's a LONG ride for "not very long" legs.

She's hurt her little finger. Not her hand.

Right, but holding on to the bike is unlikely to be comfortable. I'd imagine.

I wouldn't insist on the bike ride, but then that is from bitter experience because every time I try to get somebody to push through something it turns out they have something serious going on. So in this scenario, I would assume that if I insist on the 3 hour bike ride it will later transpire that the little finger in question was in fact broken in multiple places, fractured, nerve pain, etc. And that I was the biggest bitch on the planet.

@grapewine

She's hurt her little finger. Not her hand.

Right, but holding on to the bike is unlikely to be comfortable. I'd imagine.

Oh my God. LIFE can be uncomfortable! It's her little finger not her whole arm or hand!

Strap it to the one next to it and get on with it. No wonder so many kids are weak as hell.

Stay in .

I'm surprised by the number of people who would "make" their child go out for a 3 hour bike ride. One of mine when he doesnt want to go out, there is no way you can make him, whether bribery, cajoling or coercing... it would be abuse to physically drag him out screaming and crying. He knows he cant be left alone at home at 7. Hates cycling even though he learnt very young and is good. He is very happy pottering about at home. If I were that child I'd appreciate some human rights and respect for my choice.

A 3 hour bike ride doesn't sound like much fun unless you are a serious enthusiast
Normally, I would agree to not giving them a choice if it is something like a family walk but a 3 hour bike ride seems excessive to me especially if she has hurt her hand. Can you do something else or even a much shorter bike ride?

I wonder what correlation there is between those teeens who avoid doing things with their parents and those children who have been forced to join in the “fun” even if it’s their idea of hell?

If I were that child I'd appreciate some human rights and respect for my choice.

There's a balanced tho surely?

Human rights?! Absolutely you need to know your DC. If they truly hate the outdoors / exercise, you need to find alternatives to long cycles & walks.

But you can't just say, grand, we'll stay at home all day

So it can be shorter activities, being outside in the garden, kicking football in the park. Especially in these times, it's important they get out & be active, in some way.

I love long walks, running & the 3 hour cycle sounds great. My kids broadly do too. They are sporty & like being outside.

But they don't always want to do it, so I have to balance it a bit. I'm a single parent, so I do take my own needs into account. I want a long walk on occasion, so they have to go with it; picnics, treat built in, screen / movie time when they get back.

I think it's so important that kids are regularly encouraged to be active outdoors. And that encouragement may have to be a bit directive.

When they get to be teens, I consider it still important. More for connection than anything. Then it needs to be a discussion & communication / expectation is key.

For OP, I think the soreness of the finger has to be taken into account & possible a new plan formulated. Still get out in some way tho.

If it's the first bike ride of the year 3 hours is far too long for a 9 year old. Start small. Or because of her finger insist on going out but let her decide if she would prefer a walk.
Generally l would insist they go as always in a better mood in a short while and lots of appetite for dinner etc. But 3 hours..no!!

@eatsleepread

A 3 hour bike ride sounds like hell on earth.

Couldn't agree more - if I had a child refusing to do a 3 hr bike ride I'd breathe a sigh of relief, flick on the telly and break out the chocolate!

Seriously though, in these circumstances where she has an actual injury I wouldn't make her. I'd probably say something like 'we need to do some outside exercise, how about a walk/play football in the park/something else they like that doesn't require hands.

We constantly see stories where women are ignored and told 'it can't be that bad' when they say they're in pain. No one can know how much pain someone else is in - so just believe her.

I dropped my phone on my toe 2 days ago, it hurt like bloody hell and still does. There's no mark but I couldn't ride a bike, let alone for 3 hours!

If it's the first bike ride of the year 3 hours is far too long for a 9 year old.

It's end of March. Why would it be the first cycle of the year! Are you implying that people stop cycling for winter months? If so, there's a problem right there.

3 hours isn't too long a cycle for a 9 yo. Especially not at a reasonable pace, over easy to navigate terrain & with regular breaks.

But it might be if the 9yo really doesn't want to, has an injured finger & will be miserable. Then an alternative is needed.

@EarringsandLipstick

If it's the first bike ride of the year 3 hours is far too long for a 9 year old.

It's end of March. Why would it be the first cycle of the year! Are you implying that people stop cycling for winter months? If so, there's a problem right there.

3 hours isn't too long a cycle for a 9 yo. Especially not at a reasonable pace, over easy to navigate terrain & with regular breaks.

But it might be if the 9yo really doesn't want to, has an injured finger & will be miserable. Then an alternative is needed.

Probably because the OP says:

"Planned a bike ride, first long one of the year"

Does she normally like bike rides? If not I think 3 hours is too long to make someone do something for - can’t you settle for a more tolerable hour instead?

If she normally likes it and she’s really in pain then scrap it and go for a walk.

I'd make her go out, although if it hurts to cycle I'd switch to a walk instead. I still tell my 14 year old she's coming on walks although not every time now as shes old enough to stay home alone.

I think it is fair enough for her not to want to go for a bike ride if her hand is hurting. 3 hours is a long ride if you are in pain. Either offer to cut down the time to an hour or go for a walk instead.

Sorry Rizzle missed that!

3 hours?????
I wouldn't want to spend my day off doing that.
Perhaps she wants to relax.
Your children don't always have to have the same hobbies as you.

Your children don't always have to have the same hobbies as you.

No but as a parent, you've a responsibility to make sure your kids are active outdoors, daily. The method, occupation, frequency & duration will vary.

What did you do in the end OP?

@ThursdayLastWeek

As in, ‘I know you’re not into this, but it’s what we agreed. You’re too young for me to leave you at home, so how about we do this thing a get McDonald’s on the way home/Nintendo all afternoon/that film you wanted to watch'

You don't need to bribe children to do what they are told.

I have an 8 year old. I get everything and everyone else in the car. And then if she still won't come, I pick her up and put her in the car. If she is genuinely unwell or injured, it might be the sort of thing I would consider changing up for something that would be easier for her to do. Usually mine it's just she's stubborn, so out the door and into the car she goes, as she doesn't get to dictate what the whole family wants to do just because she's in a grumpy mood.

We did go in the end.
She apparently told DH a couple of weeks ago that she doesn't like going but once she is biking she likes it.
It's a 28 mile round trip, that she's managed for the past two years and is our go-to can't-be-bothered-to-plan-a-big-trip ride. So she knows the route and it's easy terrain.

We do listen to her if she doesn't want to do something, but they refused to go out the previous weekend and we let them be and the weather was good this weekend. Generally if they refuse one hike/bike/whatever then we insist on the next.

I would have turned back with her if she had complained, but she didn't once mention her hand whilst we were out and it didn't stop her playing out when we got back.

Surely you can leave a sensible nine-year-old for three hours? it's three hours riding, plus breaks plus lunch. I wouldn't leave her for that long (she wouldn't want to be left either) and definitely not over a meal time!

Screen time is dependent on outdoor activity else they (esp DS) would never be off a screen if given a free choice.

Glad it worked out OP! Sounded like it was all handled well.