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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask what you do when your kids don’t want to go out?

100 replies

FireBelliedToad · 27/03/2021 07:41

Planned a bike ride, first long one of the year. About 3 hours, break for lunch. DD 9 is saying she’s not coming.
She injured her little finger yesterday (trapped in a door) and says she will not bike until it’s better.

OP posts:

TheMoth · 27/03/2021 09:08

Yeah, but it's give and take in a family, isn't it? That's the trade off. I didn't particularly enjoy the soft play years. And I don't think that one member of the family gets to dictate to the others. Especially if that member has form for trying to get her own way- which is the case for our tantrummer. Life lessons and all that: it's not all about you.

Ineedaduvetday · 27/03/2021 09:09

We still go out. They don't get to dictate to the rest of the family.

Wearywithteens · 27/03/2021 09:10

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Tinydinosaur · 27/03/2021 09:15

Would you want to go for a long bike ride after being nackered from going back to work, school is hard work too, and having injured your hand? If she's in pain she won't grip the handlebars properly and will be at more risk of injuring herself further. Just go for a short walk, it's not good timing for a big bike ride, the first week of school.

BreatheAndFocus · 27/03/2021 09:15

It depends if her finger is really sore or injured, or if she’s just using that as an excuse, and it’s only now become painful at the mention of the bike ride. If it is genuinely hurt, I’d choose a walk, etc instead.

If her finger is just an excuse, then I’d jolly her along by saying it will be fine, putting a bandage on it or padding on the handlebar, etc.

Unless there’s a genuine reason to change plans, then they go ahead. As a PP said, many children’s ideal day ‘out’ would be travelling to the sofa and plonking themselves there with their iPad all day.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/03/2021 09:17

In general I insist, but I must say a 3 hour ride is more than I am usually having to insist on. Does she usually like cycling that sort of distance? If so then push on, and she will get into it. If not then then I think there comes a point where a person has a right to say "I don't want to go for a 3 hour cycle ride thanks".

Norwaydidnthappen · 27/03/2021 09:50

At 9 they get their shoes on and go, they don’t have a choice. As a parent you get to make the executive decisions, you decide what is best- not them.

Ikora · 27/03/2021 09:53

At 9 they don’t have a choice but the poor girl has hurt her finger so I would cancel that and just go out for a short walk.

Toomanymuslins · 27/03/2021 09:54

It makes me really sad to read that so many people think that because of her age she should be forced to do something she doesn’t want to: and it’s worrying.

I thought as a society we’d moved away from ‘I’m big, you’re small’ sort of parenting.

squishmittens · 27/03/2021 09:55

I wouldn't compromise on the exercise and fresh air, but I would try to take her feelings in to account. My mother never once in my entire childhood took what I wanted or felt I needed in to account and, now as an adult, I don't have positive feelings towards her. We have a relationship, but in my heart I don't love her. Be gentle with your children's feelings, they are people too.

FortunesFave · 27/03/2021 10:09

@Toomanymuslins

It makes me really sad to read that so many people think that because of her age she should be forced to do something she doesn’t want to: and it’s worrying.

I thought as a society we’d moved away from ‘I’m big, you’re small’ sort of parenting.

Ffs it's excersise! Kids don't always want to do what's good for them! They don't have the sense or the life experience to choose that sort of thing.

"You don't have to kiss Aunt Jackie" is FINE but "You don't have to go for a walk" isn't.

skeggycaggy · 27/03/2021 10:14

@Toomanymuslins

It makes me really sad to read that so many people think that because of her age she should be forced to do something she doesn’t want to: and it’s worrying.

I thought as a society we’d moved away from ‘I’m big, you’re small’ sort of parenting.

So what would you do, the dog needs walking & your 9 year old refuses to go?

Toomanymuslins · 27/03/2021 10:17

I would say ‘the dog needs walking, we need to go.’

But that is very different to ‘because I said so.’

NerrSnerr · 27/03/2021 10:24

I think it depends on how the child usually is. My children have come out for a walk every day they haven't been in school and nursery during lockdown (they were only in part time), 2 weeks ago my 6 year old really didn't want to. As a one off I said fair enough and she stayed home with her dad. If it become regular I would make her come out.

TheMoth · 27/03/2021 10:33

I wonder if some of the replies on here are why some kids in school refuse to do anything without lengthy negotiations.

I'm not arsed what mine do most of the time. In return, I expect them to do chores without question/ overt moaning and to participate if we do a family thing once in a while. Hopefully, this will prepare them for adult life.

Bagelsandbrie · 27/03/2021 10:33

@Toomanymuslins

It makes me really sad to read that so many people think that because of her age she should be forced to do something she doesn’t want to: and it’s worrying.

I thought as a society we’d moved away from ‘I’m big, you’re small’ sort of parenting.

I feel the same.

And to those who’ve replied what if the dog needs walking - there’s a big difference between a dog walk and a 3 hour bike ride!

eatsleepread · 27/03/2021 12:02

A 3 hour bike ride sounds like hell on earth.

KatherineJaneway · 27/03/2021 13:07

I would say ‘the dog needs walking, we need to go.’

Same thing. You're still over riding what she wants to do.

Templetrees · 27/03/2021 13:27

@Toomanymuslins

It makes me really sad to read that so many people think that because of her age she should be forced to do something she doesn’t want to: and it’s worrying.

I thought as a society we’d moved away from ‘I’m big, you’re small’ sort of parenting.

Its part of parenting to keep your children healthy and that includes exercise, decent food and enough sleep. Its nothing to do with big/ small but good parenting.

Soubriquet · 27/03/2021 13:32

Making them go for a dog walk is fine unless they have hurt their leg

Making them go for a bike ride when they have an injured finger is not

grapewine · 27/03/2021 13:38

Three hours on a bike when she's hurt her hand? Why would you insist on that? Go for a walk.

FortunesFave · 27/03/2021 13:44

It's two one and a half hour rides. Not that excessive. A 9 year old is perfectly capable of that.

FortunesFave · 27/03/2021 13:44

@grapewine

Three hours on a bike when she's hurt her hand? Why would you insist on that? Go for a walk.

She's hurt her little finger. Not her hand.

katy1213 · 27/03/2021 13:47

Surely you can leave a sensible nine-year-old for three hours? I'd hate to be dragged out on a bike ride, sore finger or not.

NerrSnerr · 27/03/2021 13:47

I like my children to go out and do some form of exercise every day but they chose between themselves what we do, whether it's a walk, bike, park or scooter. Lockdown is shit enough to without being forced to do stuff you don't want to.

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