I don’t want to do this anymore.

[stressingdepressing]

I need a break. I can’t cope.
I’m a single mum to a 15 month old and I hate being a parent. I love my son more than anything but this is not what I expected.

I have no friends because they don’t have kids or those that do have the Disney nuclear family. I’m stuck on benefits despite having a degree because I can’t afford childcare. Left a DV relationship with his dad just before Xmas and I am struggling. I want a minute to myself I just want my identity back, I’m not a person, I’m not a human being I’m DS’s mum, that’s it.

I want my old life back.

It's so so so hard. My husband was away working for around 70% of the time from our son being aged 1-3. So although not technically a single parent, I was on my own a lot. Very limited family help.

Yes it nearly broke me, I missed my old life and freedom so much. But ultimately I had to force myself to accept that this was the new 'normal' now and get on with it.

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months and years. He's now 6 and whilst I still find parenthood draining at times, it's not even comparable to how hard the early years were.

You cannot see a way out because you don't know what lies ahead. I'd say you have another couple of tough years ahead (but you can utilise nursery at this point) and then by the time he's 3.5-4 yrs he will be a little person who you can have a conversation with, laugh with and enjoy being around.

Yes you can consider adoption but this really is a massive step and one that you can never reverse. I remember considering adoption too when things were really bad. Thank god I never went through with that!

Just to echo some other posters, roughly where are you op? If you don't want to post on here - I'm in the north east and drive so happy to meet up for a walk with my youngest, if I'm anywhere near you feel free to private message me.

I had my eldest at 20 in similar circumstances to you. I mourned for 18 year old me ( still do on occasion!) I know how tough it can be.

@imsoinmyhead

It's so so so hard. My husband was away working for around 70% of the time from our son being aged 1-3. So although not technically a single parent, I was on my own a lot. Very limited family help.

Yes it nearly broke me, I missed my old life and freedom so much. But ultimately I had to force myself to accept that this was the new 'normal' now and get on with it.

Days turned into weeks, which turned into months and years. He's now 6 and whilst I still find parenthood draining at times, it's not even comparable to how hard the early years were.

You cannot see a way out because you don't know what lies ahead. I'd say you have another couple of tough years ahead (but you can utilise nursery at this point) and then by the time he's 3.5-4 yrs he will be a little person who you can have a conversation with, laugh with and enjoy being around.

Yes you can consider adoption but this really is a massive step and one that you can never reverse. I remember considering adoption too when things were really bad. Thank god I never went through with that!

It's nice to know there are a good few of us who have or are feeling this way. I get it in waves, especially if we end up stuck in for one reason or another, and when it has just been me purely doing it alone, I might not of seen anyone for ages, I find society and even those closest to us very cold sometimes when it comes to raising kids. They are not like this in other countries/cultures, I know because my ex's culture is very different.

I guess the only good thing that came out of your DH being away for work so much, is hopefully you didn't have to worry about money, because when I was with my ex I worried and now on my own, I worry even more about money, it's so unfair. But my ex done this to trap me, but he's lost us, and he will suffer now.

Sorry I have to say with SS, yes they can be helpful in some ways, but I also found you had to very much with an attitude of what you 'can do' not what you can't. I didn't feel able to sit and say well this is how it is, they wanted to see I was coping, not that I wasn't. They put me in touch with a Health Visitor because I asked for help in regards to nursery etc. And because my SA involvement was due to me reporting my ex to the police. I was told that as a woman I have power as long as there is no substance abuse issues, and I'm not depressed, how on earth can this be said to someone who is most definitely not feeling 100%, and how can someone feel that they can confide in these professionals and tell them how they are feeling. I can't imagine then having post natal depression or anything else and being able to share this with them!

Sorry my last reply was in response to one post, I tagged it but obviously not letting me do that, so it might not make sense.

I have messaged you privately @stressingdepressing

@Redruby2020 I agree. My mental health team contacted SS due to my PND. I was so upset and wished I'd never gotten help. SS didn't do anything but I know it's logged somewhere and it's so upsetting.

@Namechange1991x same here, they spoke to me regarding DV and at the time I wish I’d never spoke out so absolutely no am I involving SS I can’t stand them.

DS fell asleep in my bed last night which was so lovely, he’s so cuddly. Plus next doors house got raided at 5:30am this morning!

Sending you lots of love I became a single parent when DD was just turned 3, also leaving a DV relationship. Those first couple of years were extremely hard, I have no local family so did it all myself. But now she's in school, she can play more by herself, plays out with friends on the street, I have a lot more time to myself. Its so hard to see the way out of a shit situation when we feel like we're drowning in it but it will get easier.

I used to get help from UC for nursery fees, pay weekly and 80% of it back I think. They'll also help you with money to get yourself back into work if that's what you'd like to do eventually.

I was in a very similar situation to you several years ago. I remember how hard and relentless and impossible everyday felt.
I was referred to home start by my health visitor and had a volunteer visit once a week. I used this time to go for a walk on my own, attend appointments and sometimes have an hour or two of sleep. I had counselling too and when I was able to I put DS in nursery to give me a break.
I also got some support from a DV service.
It was an incredibly difficult time but it did get easier and it will do for you too.
I remember DS cried when I hoovered and it felt impossible just to clean the house!
Just get through each day at the moment but please ask for some support. It is out there

Can your sister not babysit? So you can get a haircut/go shopping etc. I was babysitting at that age and my 17 year old sister-in-law has babysat DD. Even if you don’t feel comfortable asking her to in the day you could ask her to sit in the house when he’s asleep in the evening, post-lockdown.

Things won’t be like this forever. He will grow up and get easier. He will go to school and make friends and go to their houses and there will be points where you get time to yourself. Things are very monotonous at that age, especially at the moment.

There are two organisations that spring to my mind

• www.gingerbread.org.uk/ for single parent families
• www.home-start.org.uk/ who are a fantastic charity which can offer practical support (eg playing with your baby while you get some housework done etc). They are amazing.

As a single parent to a 4 year old, I see "Disney" families all over the place and it cuts

Disney families are almost always single parent families though, or no parent families. Snow White, Bambi. Tiana, Cinderella, Peter Pan, Ariel, Lilo, Elsa/Anna..even Toy Story.

OP its the pandemic as mcuh as anything. It will get easier

Op, you’re amazing.
You left an abusive relationship and put your child first.

I can’t imagine how hard and how strong you must be to do so.

Looking after young children us crazy hard that you will never be prepared for.

I know this may seem meaningless right now, but hold on, you will get your life back, your career back.
But right now you have to be the best mum to your baby you can be.

Don’t give in, don’t let your ex and life beat you.

You will get to the end of the tunnel