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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is normal?

76 replies

Serenabella · 26/03/2021 15:48

My sd is 7 years old and dh thinks there is something wrong with her because she can’t remember her toddler years. She can’t remember going to nursery where she went everyday for 2 years and she can’t remember when she met me for the first time (she was almost 3).
I work with children and don’t think she is particularly unusual but dh is beginning to obsess about it.
She is a happy and healthy little girl, there is no trauma or anything in her past but she just can’t seem to remember anything past about 2 years ago. Is this unusual?

OP posts:
betterfantasia · 26/03/2021 15:49

Normal!

FallenSky · 26/03/2021 15:50

My DD is 8 and had very few memories of things before she was about 5/6. She does remember a few key moments (holiday, birthday etc) but even then I'm not sure she actually "remembers" them but rather she sees the pictures and hears the stories and retells them if that makes sense? I don't think your SD is unusual.

Happycat1212 · 26/03/2021 15:53

I do think that sounds unusual, my son is 7 and went to nursery for one day when he was 3 (don’t ask!) and still remembers it

Ninkanink · 26/03/2021 15:54

She’s perfectly normal.

Some children will remember lots, my daughter did, but many won’t. I remember a few things from my toddler years but my friend remembers lots.

BetterCallSully · 26/03/2021 15:55

Wow. We moved house when I was 2 and I know for a fact that throughout my childhood I never remembered our old house at all (still dont) or in fact the renovation of the old or new house, so a lot of disruption/excitement.

Your DH is being an idiot and you can tell him you'll listen when he produces that psychology degree he so obviously thinks he has Hmm

SmidgenofaPigeon · 26/03/2021 15:55

Yeah but children’s memories can be so random. My mum gets upset that I don’t remember our first holiday as a family when I was five, but I do remember being sick after eating coloured fudge at a service station on the way home from it 🤷🏻‍♀️

JonSnowedUnder · 26/03/2021 15:59

I've got a 9 and a 7 year old. Eldest can remember quite a few things from being 2/3 whereas his younger brother probably only remembers key things from about 5ish onwards. Both normal.

OldEvilOwl · 26/03/2021 16:00

Ask him if he remembers being 3? I know I don't 😂

BrownEyedGirl80 · 26/03/2021 16:00

We bumped into my ds 7 nursery teacher the other week.No recollection at all!

SixDegrees · 26/03/2021 16:02

I thought it was pretty normal to have very little memory of the toddler years?

BackforGood · 26/03/2021 16:05

Perfectly normal.
My dc can hardly remember all sorts of wonderful things they did when they were children.
I have no recollection of starting school or the first house I lived in.
My parents were alive when all my dc were born but died some years ago and my dc don't really remember them (the eldest tries to humour me)
Your SD is absolutely normal.

Leeds2 · 26/03/2021 16:05

I would've thought a 7 year old would have some memories of a nursery that she attended every day for 2 years. Maybe not details of things like the day's structure, but possibly her best friends there, the outside play area, the Christmas play etc.
I'm not sure I would expect the child to remember the first time she met you though.

chasingmytail4 · 26/03/2021 16:10

I think that's perfectly normal. I took my daughter to Disneyland Paris at the age of three thinking she was old enough to appreciate it. We saw street parades, light shows, etc. You would assume that's a really memorable experience, but we were talking the other day - she's now 24 - and she's seen the photos but has no recollection of the holiday at all!

5foot5 · 26/03/2021 16:14

I do think that sounds unusual, my son is 7 and went to nursery for one day when he was 3 (don’t ask!) and still remembers it

Yes but you have sort of hinted this might have been a "memorable" event for other reasons.

Sounds fairly normal to me. My DD was just turned 3 when we moved house and she has no memories of the old house

itsgettingwierd · 26/03/2021 16:16

Children's memories etc of nursery are usually from seeing photos. I don't think they actually remember physically being there.

My ds seemed to remember specific incidents from nursery when he hit his teen years - rather than remembering what he's been told etc!

SmidgenofaPigeon · 26/03/2021 16:17

I definitely have memories of when I’m 2/3/4 but they’re very sporadic. There’s no logic to them.

Mochudubh · 26/03/2021 16:17

My earliest memory has always been of age 3 (maybe my birthday) jumping up and down in our kitchen shouting singing "I'm more than two-oooooh" repeatedly and my brother telling me to shut up.

I think your SD is normal.

JorisBonson · 26/03/2021 16:18

DH swears he can remember nothing until he was about 10.

I can vividly remember being in my pram - it's just a flash, but I can definitely remember it.

Some people just don't remember!

Lentillover1900 · 26/03/2021 16:19

Your partner should stop asking probing her Fgs

Ch0c0latechops · 26/03/2021 16:19

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Notanotherhun · 26/03/2021 16:22

Infantile amnesia. Toddlers have no way of organising and assigning meaning to real experiences so don't form "memories" as such. I'm 34 and have no memories of my childhood, and if I do then it's probably me thinking of the last time that I thought of an event... so not a memory rather a recording which I play back. Memory is weird.

Ch0c0latechops · 26/03/2021 16:23

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haggistramp · 26/03/2021 16:25

Maybe she has aphantasia? Give it a Google and see if you can test her?

Covert19 · 26/03/2021 16:26

I studied psychology about 25 years ago, and I'm sure there was a study that found that most children do not form lasting memories before the age of 5 or 6, other than very salient ones such as a painful accident, a house-move, or the death of a parent.

I have two children. One can remember really mundane things from ages ago, such as sitting in the car aged 1, feeling bored and waiting for me to finish speaking to some builders at our house. The other one can't remember anything before about age 5. I think the one who can remember being 1 is the "abnormal" one - she freaks me out with her memories!

ThePricklySheep · 26/03/2021 16:27

I think it’s usual to remember nothing from before age three.

My first memories are from three, but I think now I’m remembering me remembering.