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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be very worried how I’m going to work in the school holidays?

359 replies

Cherrymentos19 · 26/03/2021 05:56

Single parent
Returning to work
My children are at private schools - so great during term time as wonderful before and after school activities

However the holidays are outrageously long!

Easter break... 3.5 weeks

Summer holidays... 9 weeks!

Half terms are generally 2 weeks.

I have no support locally. The children’s father will not be on hand in any meaningful way, and absolutely no point pursuing that point - because zero chance of change. Zero.

So what do people do?!

OP posts:
Decorhate · 26/03/2021 21:40

You really don’t have a choice but to use holiday clubs (though they often only run during state school holidays so you may still struggle to cover the extra weeks.)

The only other thing I managed to do was to pair up with a friend & take turns to have all the kids - so you get two days of childcare for one day’s annual leave.

Once I was established in my role I negotiated extra weeks unpaid leave.

Ggeemerc · 26/03/2021 21:40

If they're the right age, scouts or guide camp can be fun. It's usually for the first week of summer holidays and not too expensive. I appreciate it's not "childcare" but it saved mine from sitting on their own all week whilst I worked.

TheOrigRights · 26/03/2021 21:43

@DarkMatterA2Z

Well actually both the OP and her ex should have figured out between them how they would cover the school holidays when they were both working. But not unusually he's buggered off and made it entirely her problem, despite these also being his kids.

Really she should bill him for 50% of holiday club costs/a nanny.

The OP has explained that he is terminally ill. I think the OP was a SAHM before now.
EarringsandLipstick · 26/03/2021 21:52

But I asked for single parents

It is different. I hate that it is. But it presents its own challenges that only single parents experience

OP, with respect, you've sounded entitled on this thread.

I'm a single parent to 3 children. No family nearby to help. I've always had to use paid childcare. In the summer, a mixture of camps, minders, holiday childcare (like after school but for full days).

Some years it was dreadful. One memorable year I spent more on childcare than I brought home & was in debt at the end of the summer. My parents offered, very kindly, some financial help but I still spent more than I had.

I hadn't a choice tho. I needed to keep working, for the longer-term & for me. My career mattered to me.

You keep saying 'single parent' like it's not the same for couples. The issue is the same. The cost & practicalities are harder, much harder. But it's hardly a radical notion that you must pay for childcare, generally.

carolinesbaby · 26/03/2021 22:05

@Ggeemerc

If they're the right age, scouts or guide camp can be fun. It's usually for the first week of summer holidays and not too expensive. I appreciate it's not "childcare" but it saved mine from sitting on their own all week whilst I worked.
Very very unlikely to be running this year. These events are run by volunteers who have to take annual leave from their own jobs in order to run camps for other people's cheap childcare. The reason they are cheap is because the leaders don't get paid.
Ggeemerc · 26/03/2021 22:10

No need to be arsey Reacher. It's a help for those who don't earn a lot and whose DC enjoy the activities. Many of those DC go on to run the sessions in the future for others. And some of us used to be leaders or helpers ourselves.

carolinesbaby · 26/03/2021 22:13

@Ggeemerc

No need to be arsey Reacher. It's a help for those who don't earn a lot and whose DC enjoy the activities. Many of those DC go on to run the sessions in the future for others. And some of us used to be leaders or helpers ourselves.
I'm not being arsey. I've run one of those groups for the last 20 years. I love running those summer camps. But people on this thread Kew getting told to RTFT when we say that OP will need to pay for childcare or take annual leave, and here I am taking annual leave to cover other people's childcare.
carolinesbaby · 26/03/2021 22:13

Plus I am desperately sad to have had to say no camp this year for the second year running and I am feeling a bit sensitive about it!

Ggeemerc · 26/03/2021 22:21

Hopefully things will get back to normal soon.

pluckafeather · 26/03/2021 22:23

Just because the dc are on bursaries that doesn't mean they can't return to state education? My dc is at a private school but either I can afford it or I can't and that includes covering the long leave (my dc school is boarding and they get a month at Easter and 9 weeks in summer plus the usual half terms!!!) . My dc goes to holiday clubs for all hols except what I can get leave for and I have here and there had to take unpaid leave but I save for this and scrimp on pretty much everything to manage it.

It is what it is and private schools have always had longer holidays than state schools so it's for you OP to manage this and if you don't find a way it's state schools and that's ok! . The world doesn't revolve around one persons situation, ever, bursaries or no bursaries. Even in state schools you'd have to find a large chunk of the year to cover in some form or another. I hope you get your childcare sorted.

Most people pay for childcare. What are you expecting the answer to be OP? YABU

PegasusReturns · 27/03/2021 00:05

@CateTown

I suspect there is no bursary

Why are you accusing the OP of lying?

I’m not accusing. I’m making the point that the bursary - the detail of which is being picked apart in detail - is not relevant.

Offer OP constructive help, as I did, or don’t but picking over peripheral details that may or may not be true is unhelpful

ImFree2doasiwant · 27/03/2021 09:10

To add another reason to why the father isn't doing his share of child care over holidays - he just won't. (Not speaking fir the OP)

So many women whos ex husband/partner literally just will not do it . Its not helpful to keep saying that they should. Of course they should. But they don't.

babyyodaxmas · 27/03/2021 09:37

It's difficult because the information is incomplete but assuming primary DC I have used;
PGL (not cheap but they loved it)
Football academy (limited sucess)
Local leisure centre (this included a swim, for £12/day)
Horse riding camp (v. sucessful £60/ week)
Stage coach (acting,singing, dancing £ 150/week)
Dance camp (about £50 I think)
I am a doctor so I have used the hospital nursery on occasion (will take up to 8 in school holidays, very cheap something like £5 a session including lunch, wouldn't have wanted to use it everyday but the odd day was fine)
Sailing school (again not cheap)

babyyodaxmas · 27/03/2021 09:38

Will try to remember some others.
They are 14&17 now so I have little need of such things

Lentillover1900 · 27/03/2021 10:29

@babyyodaxmas

It's difficult because the information is incomplete but assuming primary DC I have used; PGL (not cheap but they loved it) Football academy (limited sucess) Local leisure centre (this included a swim, for £12/day) Horse riding camp (v. sucessful £60/ week) Stage coach (acting,singing, dancing £ 150/week) Dance camp (about £50 I think) I am a doctor so I have used the hospital nursery on occasion (will take up to 8 in school holidays, very cheap something like £5 a session including lunch, wouldn't have wanted to use it everyday but the odd day was fine) Sailing school (again not cheap)
Horse riding camp would be indeed Uk But the one my youngest did... £65 for the day! Was yours £60 for the week or was that a typo?

Do you know if these will be going ahead this summer yet?

Many thanks for the suggestions

Lentillover1900 · 27/03/2021 10:29

Indeed be “great” not Uk!

babyyodaxmas · 27/03/2021 10:32

Yes all UK.
We are in Kent

Lentillover1900 · 27/03/2021 11:10

Please could you link as I’m in vicinity and would be willing to travel for that cost

babyyodaxmas · 27/03/2021 11:16

Have pm'd you

ancientgran · 27/03/2021 12:49

Maybe someone should do a sort of "dating" site to match parents up. Two or three parents hiring a nanny would make it more affordable or a parent who is at home might be happy for some extra money for the summer.

TrixieMixie · 27/03/2021 17:27

Marry a general in the army and get him to defraud the taxpayer into paying boarding school fees - but hope he doesn’t get caught like that bloke who’s just been given two years for that scam.
If you can afford private school fees you can afford to pay for childcare. This is a smug middle class humblebrag. There are kids who’ve missed huge amounts of school, are not being properly fed, and are living in real deprivation. Get some perspective.

TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine · 27/03/2021 17:42

@Dailywalk

People are suggesting that you get a term time only job?! Seriously... so OP may be a surgeon, an engineer, an architect, a pilot...etc. but people think she should ask for term time only hours? In which case she can say goodbye to your career or any future promotions . Or perhaps they think she should leave your job and retrain as a teacher or school admin? Presumably if this was an option for OP either work wise or financially she would have done it. This is an issue up and down the country. The whole parenting population can’t all go term time! It would be interesting would this be suggested to a man.
Exactly! It really annoys me that people just assume all women have the kind of jobs where being part time or term time only is viable. Also that they assume that everyone could afford to live on such a reduced wage. My company would laugh in my face if I asked for TTO and point out that their legal obligations aren’t TTO, so I can’t sod off and stop doing the work that they are legally required to have done just because it’s the school holidays. Plus if I reduced my hours I wouldn’t be able to afford things like the mortgage or the bills...
TeaAndBiscuitsAndWine · 27/03/2021 17:46

@ImFree2doasiwant

To add another reason to why the father isn't doing his share of child care over holidays - he just won't. (Not speaking fir the OP)

So many women whos ex husband/partner literally just will not do it . Its not helpful to keep saying that they should. Of course they should. But they don't.

Yep. Saying “but the father should xyz” doesn’t help when the father simply refuses.
FireflyRainbow · 27/03/2021 17:49

Annual leave and holiday clubs op. Same as everyone else.

OverTheRubicon · 27/03/2021 17:54

@TheOrigRights The OP has explained that he is terminally ill. I think the OP was a SAHM before now.

She said to 'think' scenarios like that when ex can't be involved, but when the potential of his parents providing any care was raised said intimated that they wouldn't because he's an ex (which I don't understand, my.exFIL is no fan of mine, but does love his grandkids) as well as living overseas.

Agree that op must have been an sahm, to have zero idea of how anyone manages childcare during school holidays.