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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU

67 replies

Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:06

Background we live in a detached house next to a row of terraces. There is a walkway down the side of our house that leads into the neighbours garden.

So tonight the neighbour has knocked and spoken with my husband. She wants to put a gate up and attaché the bolt to our wall. My husband without talking to me agreed to this.

I am not comfortable with anybody drilling/ screwing things to the walls of my house and don’t want them to do this so I have been around and said no and that’s it’s not happening.

However I am being made to feel unreasonable by both my husband and my neighbour. So over to the Mumsnet collective - am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
PineappleCat · 25/03/2021 19:14

Yes YABU. Does it really effect you? No.

Twistered · 25/03/2021 19:16

Don't know what the issue is tbh.
But if I was your husband I would be embarrassed, hurt and angry that you over rode what I agreed

Rillington · 25/03/2021 19:16

She can put a post in and attach it to that. I wouldn't be happy either.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 25/03/2021 19:20

At least she asked. I've heard of people just doing it without asking, which is massively unreasonable.

I would agree to it but ask that she puts the latch on her house, so that the gate slams against her house rather than yours.
In a previous house the neighbours gate shut onto our house and it was really loud and made me jump when it happened. What's more, they didn't hear it when it was slamming about in the wind but I did, so I was the one who had to get up at 3 am and walk over and shut the fucking thing so I could sleep.

FOJN · 25/03/2021 19:20

I wouldn't want that either. No doubt your husband feels undermined but that could have been avoided if he's spoken to you before giving the neighbour an answer. Is there a fence separating your gardens? Maybe your neighbour could put the gate at the garden end of the alley and use the fence post to attach the bolt to.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 25/03/2021 19:21

@Twistered

Don't know what the issue is tbh. But if I was your husband I would be embarrassed, hurt and angry that you over rode what I agreed
Well maybe he should talk to his wife before agreeing to anyone drilling into their house. I would be hurt I wasn't getting a say.
WonkyCactus · 25/03/2021 19:24

I wouldn't want her to do this either. Did she say why she wants the gate all of a sudden?

Overdueanamechange · 25/03/2021 19:27

I wouldn't let them either. The neighbour can put the gate at the back of the house and attach it to a fence. The only way I would agree is if a gate at the front was particularly needed for security or to stop loiterers hanging around the side of your house.

Starrylight · 25/03/2021 19:29

Can you post a diagram?

Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:30

No security worries no loiterers. We live outside a small village and have zero crime rate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:30

Perhaps I was hurt that he would agree to something like this without discussing it with me despite me being in the house at the time.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 25/03/2021 19:31

I'd let them, cos it doesn't really affect your life. Your husband should have checked with you first though.

Avondklok · 25/03/2021 19:33

You are being ridiculous.

luxxlisbon · 25/03/2021 19:36

This is really petty to refuse. She just wants to make her garden secure, what if she has children over or wants to get a puppy? A dinky screw for a gate affects your house in no way, it barely goes in 30mm to the outer brickwork.

Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:36

Hopefully a very badly drawn diagram.

Who is BU
OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/03/2021 19:38

I wouldn’t be inclined to agree to this I don’t think.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 25/03/2021 19:38

As others have said, she could probably put it at the back of the house and have it at a slight angle attached to the fence post. Maybe suggest that.

Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:38

For information our house is rendered? And where the previous owners had attached hanging baskets the render has cracked. I don’t want anymore cracks.

OP posts:
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/03/2021 19:39

@Th1me

Hopefully a very badly drawn diagram.
What would actually be attached to your house?
user1471427614 · 25/03/2021 19:39

I live in a detached house next to semis. And has a gate attached to my house and its noisy everytime it's used. Not nice at 5am. If it was attached to a post it would be better. I would say no

DemiBourbon · 25/03/2021 19:41

I wouldn’t agree to it either. Like a pp said, every time it’s closed you’ll really hear it in the house. She should erect a post and attach it to that.

StoneofDestiny · 25/03/2021 19:41

I'd not drill into my house wall myself, so wouldn't want a neighbour doing it. Surely they can put posts into the ground - problem solved.

Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:42

They want to attached the bolt to the side of our house and I presume out the hinges her side.

OP posts:
StoneofDestiny · 25/03/2021 19:42

I'd also want some sponge defenders on to stop it slamming and making a noise

BlueEyedPony · 25/03/2021 19:42

Can't they put a post in then attached the bolt to the post?