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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is BU

67 replies

Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:06

Background we live in a detached house next to a row of terraces. There is a walkway down the side of our house that leads into the neighbours garden.

So tonight the neighbour has knocked and spoken with my husband. She wants to put a gate up and attaché the bolt to our wall. My husband without talking to me agreed to this.

I am not comfortable with anybody drilling/ screwing things to the walls of my house and don’t want them to do this so I have been around and said no and that’s it’s not happening.

However I am being made to feel unreasonable by both my husband and my neighbour. So over to the Mumsnet collective - am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
MogHog · 25/03/2021 19:45

Make sure there is a wooden support attached to your wall for the gate..dont allow anything straight on to your wall..my parents have had several years of hell after the wooden gate was replaced by a metal one.

JesusIsAnyNameFree · 25/03/2021 19:49

@Th1me

They want to attached the bolt to the side of our house and I presume out the hinges her side.
So it'll close onto your house? I would never agree to that. As I said, it's really loud and if they ever come home past 10 or forget to close it, you'll be the one suffering, not them.
Boonlark · 25/03/2021 19:52

Does that alley lead to the gardens of the other terraced houses as well? If so I'd be worried she's trying to restrict access.

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/03/2021 19:53

@Th1me

They want to attached the bolt to the side of our house and I presume out the hinges her side.
Why not the other way around? I’d definitely insist on a post being put in instead.
expectopelargonium · 25/03/2021 19:55

Who owns the alley, and is it a right-of-way?

Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 19:56

I presume they own the alley - it only gives access to their garden not the others as far as I know.

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 25/03/2021 19:58

I wouldn't allow it. She doesn't appear to need it from your diagram. I assume she has a fence around her garden at the back of her house? Why then does she need that gate? And as another pp queried, does the alleyway not access other gardens too?

Everythingiswonderful · 25/03/2021 20:00

@user1471427614

I live in a detached house next to semis. And has a gate attached to my house and its noisy everytime it's used. Not nice at 5am. If it was attached to a post it would be better. I would say no
The noise would be my objection but my DH would automatically say yes to a request like this. He sleeps like a log so something like that wouldn’t affect him in the slightest.

I would agree to a post next to the wall but bolted to the ground in the interest of neighbourly relations.

Littlefish · 25/03/2021 20:00

You need to check who actually owns the alley.

Notaroadrunner · 25/03/2021 20:00

@Th1me

I presume they own the alley - it only gives access to their garden not the others as far as I know.
Crossed posts re other access. I wouldn't assume anything so you need to check your own deeds to make sure no part of the alley is part of your own property.
Wilkolampshade · 25/03/2021 20:03

Personally? I think you're being petty and unreasonable.

It's always a shame to fall out with neighbours. Ask for a drawing or picture of what it'll look like. See if it can be fixed to a freestanding post your side. Negotiate. Be reasonable.
And BTW, putting a screw into a wall, putting up hanging baskets etc does not create structural cracking. If your render has cracked fill and paint it if it bothers you, it's normal maintenance.

FinallyHere · 25/03/2021 20:03

Perhaps I was hurt that he would agree to something like this without discussing it with me despite me being in the house at the time.

Hurt? I would really not be happy

After many, many years, DH has worked out that everything works better if he involves me in decision making.

Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 20:05

Thanks I do fill and paint the render as I bought the house with the cracks already. I don’t want somebody else casing cracks that I then have to sort out. I am happy for them to put a post up but this was not what was asked.

OP posts:
Atalantea · 25/03/2021 20:13

My husband without talking to me agreed to this

Your husband has his name on the house?

(YABU for the vague thread title if nothing else)

PADH · 25/03/2021 20:14

I second pps re the noise of a closing gate against the wall of your house

PADH · 25/03/2021 20:15

Your husband has his name on the house?

Is it only his name on the house? Does he live there alone? Hmm

donquixotedelamancha · 25/03/2021 20:18

However I am being made to feel unreasonable by both my husband and my neighbour.

Nobody is 'making' you feel anything. You feel unreasonable because you made a fuss over a minor issue- that's fine, it's your right, but you shouldn't blame them for not being as fussy.

I don’t want somebody else casing cracks that I then have to sort out. I am happy for them to put a post up but this was not what was asked.

They want to screw a bolt into the brick to secure a gate, it won't cause cracks. A post would be easier (and if that was fine with you, you should have suggested it) but it would probably involve exactly the same thing happening to the brick.

ColdCottage · 25/03/2021 20:20

I'd suggest she fixed the gate to another wooden post next to your fence rather than to your brick work either in location A (a rough location, but just after the building) or even better location B further from your house with her brick work still offering the other side of the gate support.

I do think the way you handled it was a bit reactive after you found out - though if probably be the same.

I'd go back and say sorry you jumped the gun a bit put perhaps X/Y/Z might be a better solution and you'd be happy with that.

Also the gate further back means it won't look like your house is connected to theirs and hence not detached if you sell. Even though it's not a brick join some buyers might be put off by this. Being set back it wouldn't be so much of an issue if any.

Who is BU
TheCactusWhackedUs · 25/03/2021 20:22

@Th1me I wouldn't want the bolt on my wall as you'd hear it being bolted, if she wants it it needs to go on her side

BeingATwatItsABingThing · 25/03/2021 20:29

Also the gate further back means it won't look like your house is connected to theirs and hence not detached if you sell. Even though it's not a brick join some buyers might be put off by this. Being set back it wouldn't be so much of an issue if any.

Oooh! Actually, I’ve been looking at houses on Right Move and some say link joined and they mean a gate or something joins the house to others. Just check that you won’t lower the value of your house by doing this.

Atalantea · 25/03/2021 20:33

@PADH

Your husband has his name on the house?

Is it only his name on the house? Does he live there alone? Hmm

no - what I meant was, surely he is allowed to approve things? surely he is a grown up as well?
warmandtoasty2day · 25/03/2021 20:33

i don't get the alley bit where does it actually go,the diagram doesn't make that clear and more to the point who owns it ?

Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 20:35

The alley way goes directly into their garden, I presume they own it as I know we don’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
Th1me · 25/03/2021 20:37

I am reading everything and taking things on board but I still don’t want anything attaching to my house. I am happy for a post to be used.

OP posts:
SquirtleSquad · 25/03/2021 20:39

@ColdCottage has a good solution/compromise!

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