Who is BU

[Th1me]

Background we live in a detached house next to a row of terraces. There is a walkway down the side of our house that leads into the neighbours garden.

So tonight the neighbour has knocked and spoken with my husband. She wants to put a gate up and attaché the bolt to our wall. My husband without talking to me agreed to this.

I am not comfortable with anybody drilling/ screwing things to the walls of my house and don’t want them to do this so I have been around and said no and that’s it’s not happening.

However I am being made to feel unreasonable by both my husband and my neighbour. So over to the Mumsnet collective - am I being unreasonable?

YANBU you will probably be able to feel the gate slamming shut vibrating through the house - know someone that had that joyful experience!

She can put a post in butting up to but not attached to your house 🤷🏽‍♀️

I suspect it's a right of way for the other terraced houses next to hers. I can see why she'd want it though, but I think a gate further down where a PP suggested would deter people more.

a post or it's not happening.

Yes you are being unreasonable!!

I can't believe so many people say YABU. Do not agree to this OP. It will lower the value of your property as it will be joined to another property and no longer detached. Plus, it will be noisy. It's an outrageous request IMO. Also, your husband should have checked with you (assuming you both own it) then you wouldn't be in this situation. YANBU

Can it not be placed further down between the two gardens rather than the houses?

I wouldn't have a problem with this but it's normal to have where I am for security reasons.

they can sink a post next to your wall but not touching - then attach the (hopefully wooden) gate to that and not your house. A metal one would make you crazy. Also insist they use a slow closer, so that it does not slam.

I don't think you are being unreasonable. Perhaps your DP hadn't considered the noise and potential cracks. He shouldn't have given an answer on the spot, he should've said "I need to speak to my partner, but I'll get back to you".

I wonder if she's trying a land grab? It wouldn't surpme if she puts the gate up and then extends her garden to the side. It's worth paying the £13 to land registry to see if she owns that path or not

I’d not have an issue with this and it wouldn’t even occur to me to discuss it with my husband I’d jist agree, and if he felt the need to discuss it with me, if he was the one asked, I’d think he’d lost the plot. It’s hardly a big deal

So in summary

1. you need to check who owns the alleyway
2. you need to check who has right of access through it
3. you need to check why they want to do this anyway

@TeenMinusTests

So in summary 1) you need to check who owns the alleyway 2) you need to check who has right of access through it 3) you need to check why they want to do this anyway

No she doesn't need to do any of these things. She doesn't want it attached to her house. She just needs to say no.

@Th1me

The alley way goes directly into their garden, I presume they own it as I know we don’t.

But is there a right of way to the back of the other terrace houses?

What is at the other end of the terrace? If I lived in one of the mid terraces and had the right to use that alley to take my lawnmower round to do the front grass or similar, I'd be annoyed about the sudden appearance of a gate blocking or hindering my path.

Fair enough if you don't want anything attached to your house. But I wouldn't presume anything about who owns which piece of land or has right of access to it.

OK Charlotte that's true.
I was just thinking that the answers to those questions might put an end to any persuading. But if the OP doesn't want something attached to her house she absolutely doesn't need to say yes.

Was just going to ask if rendered - in that case definitely not - render is a nightmare
If it were ordinary brick I'd have no problem
And even though low crime area, it looks like it adds security to you

@TeenMinusTests

So in summary 1) you need to check who owns the alleyway 2) you need to check who has right of access through it 3) you need to check why they want to do this anyway

This is a good idea, becayse it’s likely the neighbour will find another solution Ie a post. But the op knows she doesn’t own it, so it’s hugely likely the neighbour does so will be able to proceed anyway.