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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I’ve been more than fair here and to tell him to eff off

113 replies

bagpuss90 · 25/03/2021 10:01

Okay I’ve worked free lance for this guy for around 15 years. We’ve had our ups and downs but generally have a good working relationship . I also do work for other people . Note free lance - so I’m self employed . My DP is retired and I turned 60 in January. I’ve decided to take early retirement . Maybe do a little bit of work now and then. We want some quality time together - he had a health scare last year. I don’t have to give this guy I do work for any notice at all- but out of courtesy I’ve told him that I won’t be doing anymore work for him from July. So he has just over three months to find someone else. I’ve had abusive texts - calling me selfish and unreliable. Telling me I’ve left him in the shit. I think I’ve been more than fair. I’m tempted to tell him I won’t be doing any more work as of like now . I wouldn’t send my hairdresser or plumber of whoever abusive texts if they told me they were retiring .

OP posts:
PegasusReturns · 25/03/2021 15:26

Stop now.

This is the single biggest advantage of being self employed. You get to choose who you work for. Given you are retiring you don’t even need to give a second thought to him threatening to trash your reputation.

Laugh in his face Grin

senua · 25/03/2021 15:39

When they go low, you go high.

Enjoy your retirement!

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 25/03/2021 15:43

Thanks for your lovely comments everyone - I’m still trying to decide what to do. I think I will sleep on it and make a decision tomorrow

OP posts:
expectopelargonium · 25/03/2021 15:45

Does he owe you any money at the moment?

OldEvilOwl · 25/03/2021 15:45

Tell him to fuck off! why would you still do any work for him after that reaction?
Even if he apologised I would still tell him to fuck off

stablefeet · 25/03/2021 15:58

Nobody has to put up with being abused at work, be they self-employed or employed. On that basis I'd send him a polite email tomorrow telling him that due to his abusive behaviour you will not take any more work from him. Also that further abusive messages will be considered harassment and taken to the police.

Shedbuilder · 25/03/2021 16:00

OP, I was freelance for many years and had a similar response from one of my clients when I stopped working for them and started my own business.

Unless you know you will never need to work for him again, or for anyone he knows, I'd say ignore him, keep going till July and then say goodbye formally. None of us knows what's around the corner in this strange new Covid/ post-Covid world (10% inflation, stock market crash, mortgage rates through the roof) and if you can keep doors and opportunities open I would do. But what a dickhead he is.

nitsandwormsdodger · 25/03/2021 16:11

I would leave it 24 hours to give him time to calm down and possibly reflect on his actions

Then I would send

" it is sad you have chosen to end our working relationship in this un pleasant manner . I felt I have worked with you with diligence and integrity and now wish to retire and spend more time with my husband who has had a significant ill health this past few years. I am under no obligation to give to any notice period but I wanted to give you 3 months to find a suitable replacement out of respect for your past custom. I no longer wish to do this and will no longer be engaging with with you as of today . I wish you health and wealth going forward .

Robintakeover · 25/03/2021 16:24

@nitsandwormsdodger

I would leave it 24 hours to give him time to calm down and possibly reflect on his actions

Then I would send

" it is sad you have chosen to end our working relationship in this un pleasant manner . I felt I have worked with you with diligence and integrity and now wish to retire and spend more time with my husband who has had a significant ill health this past few years. I am under no obligation to give to any notice period but I wanted to give you 3 months to find a suitable replacement out of respect for your past custom. I no longer wish to do this and will no longer be engaging with with you as of today . I wish you health and wealth going forward .

Something along these lines - provided his invoices are paid to date
OldEvilOwl · 25/03/2021 16:27

I wouldn't be wishing him health & wealth. How about 'I hope you get everything you deserve' Grin

2bazookas · 25/03/2021 16:33

Just dump him with zero notice

Dagnabit · 25/03/2021 16:39

Is he expecting you to work forever? What a dick. I would tell him that you are no longer able to do ANY work for him because you will not tolerate such abuse.

Oneofthosedreadfulparents · 25/03/2021 17:38

Not that I'm going to give you any advice that differs from anyone else so far, but coincidentally I'm in a similar position to the person you're freelancing for at the mo.

A long standing, valuable freelancer who works for our company is in the process of winding down their workload and heading towards retirement. They gave us plenty of notice, and whilst we will be absolutely gutted to lose their expertise and experience, they are working with us to create a job spec, handover notes, help employ their replacement etc. That notice period will be invaluable to ensure a smooth transition - I can't afford to waste it fighting with my freelancer and I absolutely need them onside throughout. Don't underestimate your value, even if your employer seems to.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 02/04/2021 10:40

Well I finally made a decision . I’ve told him I’m quitting at the end of April . There’s no projects. I’m a trainer- i do one off training days. He has a training company. So I’m not leaving him high and dry. I’ve had more shitty texts - I think I’m being more than generous staying as long as I am. He hasn’t even looked for anyone else. It’s going to be a long month 😩

OP posts:
Honeyroar · 02/04/2021 11:31

I can’t decide whether I think you’re amazing for putting up with his abuse or a mug. I’d be leaving him high and dry - and showing people his abusive messages!

billy1966 · 02/04/2021 12:21

I can't understand why you are allowing him to continue to abuse you when there isn't any need.🤷🏻‍♀️
Bizarre.

diwrnachoflleyn · 02/04/2021 13:11

Why on Earth are you agreeing for him to abuse you for a month?

SophieB100 · 02/04/2021 13:20

If there is no outstanding work arranged OP, I'd just block him. What you do until July for other client's is your business, not his.
I certainly wouldn't engage with him further, you've been more than fair.

Therealjudgejudy · 02/04/2021 14:00

Oh come on op...grow a back bone. Why do you think its acceptable to let someone treat you like this?

YoniAndGuy · 02/04/2021 14:04

Well, you're the one choosing to make it a 'long month' so - whatever!

Anyone with any professional backbone would simply text him 'Ok, we're done. I cannot believe your stupidity, as well as your crappy attitude - I don't actually have to engage with you at all, you realise that? I'm not your employee. I don't have any obligation at all. So all your texts have achieved is - your blocking. Bye.'

londonscalling · 02/04/2021 14:11

Don't do any more work for him. With an attitude like that he may not pay you either!

Cherrysoup · 02/04/2021 14:18

Honestly, I would block him. Have you call him on his unwarranted abuse of you? He’s an idiot.

RabbiTouch · 02/04/2021 18:45

I’ve had more shitty texts

You don't owe him anything, especially when he's being so abusive. Why are you letting him away with that? Are you worried about future work for other people that he might try and put a kibosh on?

Sadsiblingatsea · 02/04/2021 19:08

Why not just leave already.
He needs to know this is not acceptable. Imagine if he does this to others.

RandomMess · 02/04/2021 19:11

Do you even trust him to pay you???

Can't you leave reviews on a particular site that tells others what a firm is like to work for?

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