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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are you letting your primary aged DC have play dates?

118 replies

LockerandKey · 24/03/2021 18:50

DD8 has been invited over to play at a classmate’s house after school tomorrow along with another child.

The other child’s mum has confirmed and said it’s ok. The host parent’s view is that they are in the same bubble at school so it makes no difference. I haven’t responded yet but I feel slightly uncomfortable about it.

I’m not worried about getting covid but it does send the wrong message to DD; she is well aware of the “rules” and knows it’s illegal. The school are desperately trying to keep the bubbles open and have requested parents limit contact outside of school to help with this.

Also, I know this family are also mixing with other parents and children from school. I’m not judging them, it’s their decision but WIBU or over reacting to say no DD can not go?

DD wants to go and says she feels sad because the other DC is going but she also recognises that if I say no (which I’m planning on doing) it’s because we know we’re not supposed to.

But part of me feels I’m being a bit silly as logically it makes no sense .

AIBU to say no she can’t go?

OP posts:
zigaziga · 24/03/2021 19:11

Lots of garden play dates from next week when it’s legal.

Wigeon · 24/03/2021 19:11

No play dates here (not even in the garden, until that’s allowed). The logic is that schools have things in place to minimise the Covid risk (teachers wearing masks, frequent hand washing, regular cleaning, lots of ventilation, teachers have regular lateral flow tests etc etc), which aren’t at all guaranteed in a private house. And there are also likely that be other family members in a house who aren’t mixing with the visitor children when they’re at school.

So “they’re in the same bubble do it doesn’t matter” isn’t that logically really. And I really really don’t want schools to close again, so we’re sticking by the rules!

Eivor · 24/03/2021 19:12

I’ve just had this yesterday but with my 5 year old so I guess a little different in terms of setting an example, however I told the parent the same as everyone is saying and am quite relieved to hear others say it, as she didn’t understand at all.

I do feel very guilty tbh and as though DD is missing out, but I’d feel even more guilty if it contributed to the spread and honestly I think it’s better for them to be playing outside anyway so trying to be too hard on myself!

Alwaysandforeverhere · 24/03/2021 19:13

Our head teacher give death stares at the children playing in the park next to the school which is legally allowed and open though so maybe I’m just over it all.

Riquesh · 24/03/2021 19:15

Oh well, if you're 'over it all', I'm sure it will just go away immediately.

Buckingafout · 24/03/2021 19:17

Only one on one, playing outside the house. They all live in the same road so no need to come inside.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 24/03/2021 19:17

Can’t they meet up together at a local park instead?

Buckingafout · 24/03/2021 19:17

Which could technically count as meeting up for sport,if they're on scooters...

MsAnnFrope · 24/03/2021 19:18

@LockerandKey

Does anyone else feel intense mum guilt about it ? My DD says she feels excluded because she’s the “only one not allowed ...” .

Going by this thread it’s not the case, but it can feel that way at times .

I remember how many times I told my mum I’m the ooooooonlllyyy one not allowed...it was pretty much never true. For me it’s not ok to be mixing indoors if you don’t need to for childcare. And it won’t be for a while. I’ll happy for DD7 to play at the local park and she chats and plays with a friend from her class but I’d not be comfortable with her going to someone’s house yet. DD understands those are the rules right now.
pollylocketpickedapocket · 24/03/2021 19:19

@Riquesh

Oh well, if you're 'over it all', I'm sure it will just go away immediately.
Won’t be going away immediately on Monday when it legal either though.
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 24/03/2021 19:21

@Alwaysandforeverhere

Our head teacher give death stares at the children playing in the park next to the school which is legally allowed and open though so maybe I’m just over it all.
The head of my school begs the parents not to let their children play in the play park outside each day but they still do it. There’s a big difference between a few children in the play park at the same time and a whole school descending on it at once!
SoWhyNot · 24/03/2021 19:21

YANBU. Our head has emailed us specifically saying children are not allowed play dates to try to preempt this. Wait until next week when they can play in the garden or somewhere outside instead.

babybythesea · 24/03/2021 19:25

@Love51

Nope. Siblings aren't in the same bubble at school, neither are parents. And kids don't wrestle or play so closely at school.
I’m a TA in a year 1/2 class. They really do play closely at school. It doesn’t matter how many times we say it, they are kids who forget. I also know from supervising playground duty that the Year 3 and 4 class aren’t much better. A simple game of tag quickly turns into all-in wrestling. That’s got nothing to do with allowing play dates but it does go on. Because they are kids excited to be with friends. I am going to start charging the kids for every time I tell them not to get so close. By next week, I will be able to retire and possibly buy Buckingham Palace to live in. I’m not even going to mention the child who picks his nose around once every 10 minutes. He is spending most of his time at the sink washing his hands, it is truly grim....
Stovetopespresso · 24/03/2021 19:26

I had a "situation" last weekend (complicated) where ds10 needed to hang out with someone, I suggested he go on a walk with his friend to the sweetshop but he ended up playing in his friend's garden ...illegal but as the mum pointed out they sit at the same table 5 days a week indoors!
it's been soooo hard I'm knackered and I think my decision skills are off the boil, i have been fighting opportunities off for the last 4 months it seems from people who ask me in or whatever...

OverTheRainbow88 · 24/03/2021 19:27

Yes but in playgrounds and always outside.

And from next weekend hopefully gardens!

Alwaysandforeverhere · 24/03/2021 19:28

@Riquesh

Oh well, if you're 'over it all', I'm sure it will just go away immediately.
Oh well. Shit happens doesn’t it. I have a child who cry’s every damn morning from 7am-8:45am going into school because it’s been so messed up this last 12 month she begs to not have to leave my side because all she trusts is mummy. If 10 minutes in a play park with other children before the next year groups comes out at the end of the day in her year groups helps then yeah I’m doing it.

Sorry the world isn’t perfect. Some children have sacrificed more than others. My child is so messed up from this last lockdown even school are putting in extra help because she hasn’t managed to form a trust or bond with her teachers. If we lock down again regardless of our jobs she will have a place because her mental health and well-being is so fucked up.

Alwaysandforeverhere · 24/03/2021 19:30

And by fucked up I mean she’s so used to just being with me she can’t cope leaving. She sets the bed again. She can’t eat without spilling food everywhere anymore. All she wants is mummy and home her safe space.

Spudbyanyothername · 24/03/2021 19:32

No I think they are getting to see each other in school so leaving it at that for now

Number16 · 24/03/2021 19:32

No to indoor play dates, but we have met up with DD school friends a few times outdoors for a walk/play in the park for the last couple of months, which wasn't really allowed. I plan to have after school play dates in the garden from next week when the weather is nice, and I guess they'll come inside for the toilet, or to pick out toys, but mostly will be outside.

seatofmars · 24/03/2021 19:35

@Alwaysandforeverhere

And by fucked up I mean she’s so used to just being with me she can’t cope leaving. She sets the bed again. She can’t eat without spilling food everywhere anymore. All she wants is mummy and home her safe space.
This. This. This. This. This.

And it sounds like she has a good mum, and an articulate one. Imagine the kids who don't? What a complete mind-fuck for them.

Spudbyanyothername · 24/03/2021 19:36

Alwaysandforeverhere in your situation I would do meet ups, wouldn’t give it a second thought. Hope she start to settle.

Alwaysandforeverhere · 24/03/2021 19:48

We are now looking towards the next term and trying to put things in place but there is only so much we can do she started to trust and be happy by December so it already took September - December then it was all whipped away. She’s four years old. Her last birthday was in lockdown this one will be as well. We are nearly at the end of 3 weeks back and the crying hasn’t started to stop.

The bed wetting yes but she was wetting over four time a night something she hadn’t done since before September. She can’t eat a bowl of cereal before school without spilling it everywhere as she’s just too emotional and all over the place in the mornings a stray hair will set her off. Every morning she’s too tired for school but went to bed at 7pm. She asks every morning “it’s not real school is it mummy?” We count down on her fingers till day off. She has a calendar she crossed off the days to know when she’s home all day.

But a play date is what’s really going to harm people isn’t it. Or a trip to the park.

minniemoocher · 24/03/2021 19:55

No because it's illegal outside until next Monday and inside until May 17th. Set a good example

MaryBoBary · 24/03/2021 19:57

I work in a small primary school and the number of children who have had sleep overs/ play dates with friends, extended family, every Tom dick and Harry is shocking. 1 went to a birthday party with other children at a friends house a couple of weeks ago. It is frustrating and it can feel a bit of a slap in the face. Especially when working with younger years where it is impossible to socially distance from them.

Rainbowsandstorms · 24/03/2021 20:01

No I’m not.

The reason why playdates at someone’s house aren’t ok just because the kids are in the same bubble, is because a parent or sibling at the house could be infectious and your child will then be exposed to them contributing to the onward spread when they otherwise wouldn’t be if they just had contact in school. A child in my child’s bubble is currently isolating because her parents tested positive. However their child tested negative, had my daughter been to their house for a playdate just before they became symptomatic, she would have been at risk of infection, whereas because she only had contact with the daughter who is in her bubble at school she isn’t at risk. People often forget the additional contacts that arise from playdates.

I wouldn’t pop into my husband’s office with my two children and have close contact with his colleagues, just because he shares an office with them. Playdates are no different.