To expect to meet my partners father before I am showing?

[Gabor]

Ok so sorry for the long post. M y partner and I have been together 18mths we are now ttc. We met pre covid and I met his mum approx a month before Covid lockdown 1.0 his father wasn't home so I didn't meet him. I haven't met his mother since but we have spoken on the phone, we have been sending food for each other etc. I have spoken to his father on a few occasions briefly over the phone but not met in person and yes I know we have been in lockdown so I know there has been that but we did open up in the summer.I casually said to my partner I hope I meet his father before I am showing ( not pregnant yet) as I would feel rather embarrassed if I met him for first time visibly pregnant His response was "its not a big deal and what would you do about it if you didn't meet him before then?" Full disclosure he isn't super close to his parents but the speak weekly. I'm very close to my mother who he has a very good relationship with. I'm not so close to my father our relationship is strained but he will 100% meet my partner before im visibly showing I think its just a respect thing to my our parents and too each other. AIBU?

YABU.

I'm with your partner. I just don't see why you would be embarrassed. It might be a while before you see him. Would you stop TTC just in case?!

In normal times I would totally agree with you...but, you know COVID! Seeing as it's been hard to meet up with people and may continue to be for a while, I really don't think it's a big deal, personally, particularly as he is not particularly close to them.

I certainly don't see anything 'disrespectful' about it.

It’s not something I’d give a second thought to. If your dp isn’t fussed and isn’t close to his parents why are you bothered?

YABU

I can see why you might feel you should have met each other's parents before TTC (albeit these are not normal times) but cannot understand what difference the "visibly showing" thing would make at all?!

YABU

It seems like an odd benchmark to have, & not sure what respect has to do with it. If they’re not close and aren’t interested in meeting within current restrictions (going for a walk etc) then it probably won’t happen to your timescales.

I don’t get why visibly showing would make a difference. YABU.

If it's a respect thing, you should get married before you have babies.

I havnt seen my parents in a year and 1 months due to travel restrictions yabu

YANBU because your relationship seems quite casual if you haven’t even met his parents yet before TTC.

What’s the rush? How can you be sure your relationship is stable enough?

I genuinely don’t understand why you wouldn’t get married first to give your child the best, most stable background — but I know many people would disagree.

@PanamaPattie

If it's a respect thing, you should get married before you have babies.

Why's that then?

Why when you are visibly showing? I don’t get why that’s the boundary for respect?

How weird.

That's an odd thing to be concerned about.

@Bouny

YANBU because your relationship seems quite casual if you haven’t even met his parents yet before TTC.

What’s the rush? How can you be sure your relationship is stable enough?

I genuinely don’t understand why you wouldn’t get married first to give your child the best, most stable background — but I know many people would disagree.

Why is being married the best and most stable?

I do think that the OP is BU but these marriage comments are winding me up a tad.

You have no idea how long it would take to fall pregnant, and even if it happens next week you may not well 'show' until at least 5 months if it's your first. Heck, you might be one of these 'unlucky' ones like me who never look noticeably pregnant even well into the third trimester. I suspect you'll meet the FiL without any 'embarrassment' over your obvious.... lockdown cuddles.

I have to say though, actively ttc after only being together 18 months, most of that in lockdown? I know it's not the point but that really doesn't read as something sensible to do - and that's from someone who's made some silly 'ah it will be fine' choices themselves.

I’m concerned about you rushing into having a baby with someone you haven’t been with for long. Do you live together? Have you worked out the finances? - thinking about maternity leave, impact on your career, what if you wanted to go back to work part time - have to looked into how much cma you would receive should you split up and thought about you would cope?

I don't know if I've misunderstood your post but your worried about not meeting your partners father before you are showing but your not pregnant yet?

It could take months possibly years to get pregnant and you wouldn't show till 20+ weeks so I don't think you need to worry

@sneakypetesgrandmaisace - can I assume you are not married but have DC?

Apart from not understanding the visibly showing bit, worry about it if/when you are actually pregnant.

@sneakypetesgrandmaisace marriage often offers greater financial protection in a divorce or bereavement.

I wouldn't stop ttc. I would get it if they lived in another city but they don't.

Why is pregnant but not showing different from pregnant but showing? You’re either pregnant or you’re not. I think I’d met my DP’s parents once, briefly, then the next time we met I was at the “baby feels like it’s down around my knees” stage. So what and?