To expect to meet my partners father before I am showing?

[Gabor]

Ok so sorry for the long post. M y partner and I have been together 18mths we are now ttc. We met pre covid and I met his mum approx a month before Covid lockdown 1.0 his father wasn't home so I didn't meet him. I haven't met his mother since but we have spoken on the phone, we have been sending food for each other etc. I have spoken to his father on a few occasions briefly over the phone but not met in person and yes I know we have been in lockdown so I know there has been that but we did open up in the summer.I casually said to my partner I hope I meet his father before I am showing ( not pregnant yet) as I would feel rather embarrassed if I met him for first time visibly pregnant His response was "its not a big deal and what would you do about it if you didn't meet him before then?" Full disclosure he isn't super close to his parents but the speak weekly. I'm very close to my mother who he has a very good relationship with. I'm not so close to my father our relationship is strained but he will 100% meet my partner before im visibly showing I think its just a respect thing to my our parents and too each other. AIBU?

Not what you asked, but about the ttc, is it urgent? This last year has been so weird. You haven’t really had much of a normal life together. You haven’t seen what he is like with family and friends nor whether you are compatible once your normal lives resume.

What’s it got to do with his dad? His dad might be a dick and he may not want to introduce you at all.

Get married first if you have hang ups about the morality side.

I think you are overthinking this - does it really matter?
I have been with my partner 25 years, I only introduced him to my parents when we had been going out for quite a long time and had decided to buy a house together (I lived away from home). I met his mum at some point and then his dad later.
I know for some it’s a huge deal and they like to fully integrate their families, for me it wasn’t. I would stop putting pressure on yourself, if your relationship is great and it sounds as though it very much is, that’s all that matters.

[quote PanamaPattie]@sneakypetesgrandmaisace - can I assume you are not married but have DC?[/quote]
You haven't answered my question? What has it got to do with respect?

I am well aware of the financial protection, but 1) the OP has said nothing at all about her financial situation and 2) what has that got to do with respect?

I'm so fed up of people assuming that the woman is always the one at risk if she has kids without getting married. God forbid the woman is actually the one in a stronger financial position and has decided NOT to get married for that very reason. It's no wonder we haven't made much progress with equality when this is always people's first assumption.

Personally I wouldn’t be aiming to have a baby with someone I had only been with for a year and a half. Why the rush?

I’d been married six years before I met my FIL. It was all fine. It was his son I was interested in.

@Viviennemary

Get married first if you have hang ups about the morality side.

And now it's immoral too. I give up.

I won't derail this thread any further but I couldn't let the comments about respect, security and morals go as they are incredibly inaccurate and offensive, and any comments about financial security make assumptions. I will continue to call people out on these comments, as I'm sure you will continue thinking that you are more superior because you are married.

How can he be not close to them if he phones them every week? That sounds pretty close to me.
As others have said you have at least 4 months before you start showing even if you get pregnant now. So as long as you meet before mid July it's soon enough

Eh?

Why is it important to meet his dad first.

Do you want to see if he's an ugly/stupid/bald/blah blah bloke before you get some of his DNA by proxy or something.

Bit weird.

Yabu, weird concern

I agree with pps it seems a bit odd to start ttc when you haven’t been together very long and it’s been during lockdown, and you have this concern. How old are you? How long have you been living together?

I’d be worried if my daughter was more concerned about meeting a potential FIL before showing a pregnancy than the fact she was in a new dating relationship and already TTC.

I wouldn’t be ttc with a partner of 18 months . Are you worried they’ll think it’s too soon? It is btw .

Sneaky - it’s probably a better outcome for the children in terms of stability if the parents are married before having children ? I’m sure there’s stats to back this up ?

No one in my family saw me pregnant, I now have a 5 month old. Just the weird times we are in, I think you need to get over it (in the nicest possible way)

For me I would want to meet my OH's parents before I got pregnant. Showing or not showing I really don't think makes any difference.

Sneaky -there are stats
4 times more likely to break up if you’re not married and have children under 16 . Those are quite shocking statistics. I’d want to make sure I had the right man before having children with him. Life is tough enough at times with the right one .

@MyPantsAreInsideOut

Eh?

Why is it important to meet his dad first.

Do you want to see if he's an ugly/stupid/bald/blah blah bloke before you get some of his DNA by proxy or something.

Bit weird.

That’s a fair point @MyPantsAreInsideOut - always thought my DP was quite different personality-wise to his dad, until we had DS. The resemblance was difficult to handle as FIL’s pretty grumpy. Luckily the similarity didn’t last or I’d be out the door.

Some very help view points that give food for thought and maybe I need to relax a bit but some comments about concern over my choices about having a child us slightly odd A because that wasn't the question and B my teenage years are behind me so there should be little concern over my descion making. For those who are concerned we have barely spent time together we live together. For those that understood the question thank you for your prospective it's also given me some.

Yes you are totally being unreasonable. You aren't even pregnant??

I don’t understand why showing or not showing is a thing? Where’s the line?

YABU. You’ve spoke to him so know he’s real, don’t know why seeing him with your own eyes makes a difference at this point.

YABU for your thinking that you need to meet him "before your pregnancy is showing". That's really strange.

I could understand if you made a very reasoned decision to not do anything as drastic as have a child with someone when you've not spent long together "in normal times" and you've not had chance to get to know friends or family members or see how he interacts with other people very much.

Deciding if he is the right person to have a child with when most of the time together has been in the pandemic is a far bigger call than some weird line you've made up about your pregnancy 'showing' or not.

We were a year into our relationship before I met mil..
It was easy to see dh was trying to save me.. Maybe there is good reason. Respect your dp...

For those who are concerned we have barely spent time together we live together.

Yes, but with all due respect you haven't had a life together. Covid has made people/living very insular. What if by the time you're pregnant, lockdown is thing of the past and he wants to go back to pubs/travelling/random trips etc and all you want is sleep and prepping for a baby?