Do you completely trust your partner?

[insecureandscared]

As in trust that he or she won't ever stray or even want to stray.
If you do, how do you do it?

I've been with my husband a long time and I love him dearly. He has never cheated that I know of and he says he loves me and only has eyes for me. I'm just full of fear all the time. Fear he will fancy someone else at work in any way and fear that he will leave me. And I don't seem to be able to handle the fact that that could one day happen.

I'm having a really bad time at the moment and am seriously considering leaving because I can't handle the way I'm feeling.

Please try to be gentle with me. I know it's not the way people normally are. I've come here as a last resort to see if maybe there's something someone could possibly say to make me stop being this way.

No.

@Teflondreams

He has, as far as I know, been able to stay faithful for well over a decade now. His dad also cheated on his mum and left them, and he has said from the moment he told me that, he wouldn't ever be able to do that after he saw her heartbreak.

But something is broken in me. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
Our son is young enough that I think another woman could take to him as her own quite easily. It feels like that would leave everyone happier.

Not anymore .

Yes I do. We're incredibly happy, I see it in his eyes every day.

I've never suffered anxiety, it must be awful being eaten away by it and I hope you manage to get some peace x

You definitely need some sort of support OP. Your relationship is unhealthy, especially on your part. It’s very draining to have someone with intense insecurities in your life and you should get help to avoid a relationship breakdown because of your current state of mind.

If you have to force or convince someone to stay with you, they’re not worth having. They’re not really “yours” unless they make that choice themselves. If someone wants to cheat, they will, no begging or pleading is going to stop them.

And why, most importantly, would you want someone who was more interested in someone else?

Your husband sounds like a kind, genuine person. Get help for his sake.

To answer your question, yes I trust my DH. No worries whatsoever (and I can be an anxious person). He’s even just started running a local project with another woman who should be his “soulmate” (very shared interests), but I have absolutely no concerns whatsoever. I mentioned to him a few days that she would be the perfect DIL for his mum as they get on really well (we don’t) and he looked terribly hurt at what he thought I was implying.

I trust my DH as much as I trust myself. By that I mean I trust that he doesn’t want to cheat and doesn’t want to hurt me. I trust that he wouldn’t cheat ‘just because he can’ However, I also accept that things happen and either one of us are capable of it but I don’t live expecting it and I think our relationship would have to be in a bad place for it to happen.

No

I don't really trust anyone to be honest not 100%. I trust him as much as I can I suppose...but not 100%. I've seen enough shit happen to know that we are all only human and the further up on a pedestal we put people the more we get hurt when they fall...not them.

Yes I do.
Please get yourself down to the GP and get your aniexty sorted before it destroys your life.

I don't trust anyone 100%

Having said that you sound really, really sad, and I hope you can access some help. If not for yourself then for the sake of your son. All the best to you!

Please see your GP re your chronic anxiety.
No I don't feel like you do, never have, don't think it's at all normal.
I trust Dh, I trust other people too, my mum and my closest friends. I am a good judge of character and don't get let down by people.

[quote insecureandscared]@Teflondreams

He has, as far as I know, been able to stay faithful for well over a decade now. His dad also cheated on his mum and left them, and he has said from the moment he told me that, he wouldn't ever be able to do that after he saw her heartbreak.

But something is broken in me. I just wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.
Our son is young enough that I think another woman could take to him as her own quite easily. It feels like that would leave everyone happier.[/quote]
Oh goodness OP, your mental health really is not in a good state. Please see a doctor or find the local mental health crisis services and get help. You're not well xxx

I do, as much as I can. Adultery was rife in my family, on my mums side, her and most of her siblings all had marriages break down due to adultery (my own childhood was ruined by my dad's affair) and dads side were a lot of cheaters.

In fact I only have one uncle on each side whose first and only marriages have survived.

So with this history, its always a niggle that it could happen to me. I trust him though. It's something we both talk about due to my history. He doesn't have a high sex drive and is quite shy and introverted and body conscious so frankly, the chance of him finding and falling for someone and being able to cheat is slim 😂

Yes I trust him. He adores me, and I him.

Besides, he's terrible with women

Yes I totally trust him and in 36 years of marriage I've never had that trust dented. My ability to trust him comes from who he is. He has a very highly developed moral compass and is scrupulously honest in everything he does. He's also very open and you can read him like a book. He gets on well with women, having grown up with sisters. He respects and likes women and isn't an alpha male with something to prove.

Depending on your outlook, he either sounds boring as hell or too good to be true.

He has his faults, but been untrustworthy isn't one of them.

Oh dear, just seen the last few posts and my post was not appropriate in the circumstances. I'll leave it there, but obviously the op needs some serious help for her problems.

Hope you get the help you need op.

Oh goodness OP, your mental health really is not in a good state. Please see a doctor or find the local mental health crisis services and get help. You're not well xxx

I agree with this I’m afraid - you need to call them today and explain how you’re feeling as this has gone beyond whether you can trust your DP and is affecting your ability to function as a person and parent.

You need some real world help to get back on track. The cheating question is a symptom of something much bigger, not a problem of its own, so if you can get some MH support whether therapy, meds or a combination, you will find that this will become less of an issue for you. Please seek help, if only for your DC. You are irreplaceable to them

Thanks everyone for the replies.

I know I'm not well and I know I need help. I'm scared to ask for it again and be rejected and made to feel like I'm just dramatic but I'm also scared I will be taken serious and seriously enough that they lock me up somewhere.
I couldn't cope with being somewhere on my own. The only time I tend to feel remotely safe is when he's holding me but even that isn't really doing it right now.

I know it's insane and unfair and horrible because I have a little voice in me telling me that none of this is the right way to feel and be and I'm trying to push the thoughts away unsuccessfully, but I feel so upset with him. Upset that he works with women and talks to them sometimes. I feel like he's doing it to hurt me and like it's only a matter of time until he lets one of them take him away.
He says he's the same with them as he is with the men, because they're just the same to him but if I hear him in a meeting with a woman, the voice seems different to me. Kinder and softer.
He says it's my mental health making it seem like that because he doesn't care about them any more than he cares about some random person walking down the road and if anything he's softer and kinder with the men he works closely with (he only works closely with men and only has some meetings with women). I don't seem able to believe him and I am desperate to believe him. I really am.

He and our son deserves better than this. The sooner I go the sooner they can get a better life.

don’t come at me for bringing up an old post, I had googled me dilemma and it had brought this up

OP how are u now? I could have written up post. It’s terrible isn’t it.

Sorry I know this is an old post and u might not see this....but really need help with this too! I will go for CBT if I have too! It’s an absolute torture to live with. I have thee best partner who adores me and I constantly drill him on everything. It’s just not right. I love him so much but these thoughts just constantly pop into my head. It’s mentally draining him and me.