Would you give £ here? (wedding)!

[millionmilesaway]

My Maternal Aunt and her children (adults) all live in the USA. This has been the case since before I was born.

My aunt visits bi-annually and we talk a lot via msgs and are quite close.
I've not seen my cousins since I was about 16 (40 now), they don't visit here nor me there. When they were young they'd come on visits with my aunt but as they grew up naturally they didn't. When they did, when we were all still children, me and the youngest got on quite well.

I have him (6 years older than me) on fb but I hardly use it, so we seldom speak, I can't remember the last time we had a conversation via any platform.

Last time my Aunt visited (2018) she brought his daughter with her, lovely girl (18), first and only time I've met her.

Our lifestyles are quite different and I am not sure he'd approve of mine (I'm gay, they're very religious). If not for this I may have made more effort if I am honest.

Recently I received a card from the USA with cousins name as a return label-I was quite touched and thought how nice of him to write.

But, it is a card asking for money towards his daughter's wedding.
Is this cheeky? I am not sure how much if anything I should give-or if it will be a bone of contention if I don't. Is it perhaps the 'done thing' in certain more strict religions?

WWYD?
YABU-give some money, It's family
YANBU-they're being CFs, you hardly know them, don't!

@FatAnneTheDealer

Is it an invitation to the wedding? I think an invitation usually merits a gift - even if you don't go (though in that case a token gift would be all that is required). If you are invited and attend something more significant is usual.

If it isn't an invitation, then I would suggest ignoring the money request and sending a nice congratulation. If you ever do happen to visit the young couple, a nice hostess gift would be in order.

I completly disagree. I find the concept of sending wedding invitations to loads of extended relatives so they give you money is rude and grabby.

I have given presents to close friends and relatives who have got married when I couldn't attend. But by no means do I think it should be exected.

I think American wedding culture is unlike ours in quite a lot of ways. This might be one of them.

LDS is a cult so no I wouldn't pay them anything

I've never head of Mormon women not being allowed to work and have known some. There are also high profile LDS women in the USA who have careers, professions.

If they are asking for contributions towards setting up home, that sounds like in lieu of buying a wedding gift (ie a 'boxed gift), which is not uncommon even here and, in my view, quite sensible. In that case, as you like the girl, send some money. They will be pleased with that.

@jessstan2 but OP isn't going to the wedding!

[quote Cadent]@jessstan2 but OP isn't going to the wedding![/quote]
That's nothing to do with it. I'm sure if she could go, she would and the family would be delighted to see her. Nobody can travel to or from the States at the moment (unless it's business related I suppose).

I've not been able to attend a wedding a couple of times but still sent some money as a gift.

I used to work with a Mormon girl, so some of them do work! We got soup added to the tea and coffee machines on her behalf. Actually we all wanted a soup option so were happy to petition on her behalf.

@jessstan2 maybe not for you, but for a lot of people it does. The etiquette is to give a present when you attend a wedding.

i wouldn't even acknowledge it, its amazing how many letters get lost the post!

There's no way I'd contribute to suppory someone to be part of that cult that encourages abuse and control, not to mention conversion therapy . No doubt they "prayed" for help and then will think it's all from their sky fairy rather than acknowledge the money came from hard working thoughtful humans being manipulated by c.fuckery.

@B33Fr33

There's no way I'd contribute to suppory someone to be part of that cult that encourages abuse and control, not to mention conversion therapy . No doubt they "prayed" for help and then will think it's all from their sky fairy rather than acknowledge the money came from hard working thoughtful humans being manipulated by c.fuckery.

Just reading through all the replies now,thank you. I had a quick delve into mormonism doctrine as I know only the basics and it seems they have accepted homosexuality to an extent, but we're not allowed to have sex Do they really encourage conversation therapy? Ugh :( that, may be a good excuse! Can't say it was lost in the post unfortunately as I've already messaged my aunt and mentioned it.

How odd, and cringey, no I wouldn't be giving them anything. I do prefer giving money as a gift if I'm actually invited to/going to the wedding but just getting asked to contribute is weird and cheeky as fuck

They're saying It's to help them set up their first home

Excellent. Send them a teaspoon. And use their return label to do it.

If they're Mormons and you're not there'd have been no point in inviting you since you wouldn't be allowed to attend the wedding anyway

Otherwise, I've no idea if it's "usual" for the whole family to fund the weddings, but it hardly matters - if you don't want to pay for the CFers then simply don't

I think this is a stretching the family tie a bit too far. I would probably just not respond to be honest. These people are virtual strangers to you and are being really cheeky.