Would you give £ here? (wedding)!

[millionmilesaway]

My Maternal Aunt and her children (adults) all live in the USA. This has been the case since before I was born.

My aunt visits bi-annually and we talk a lot via msgs and are quite close.
I've not seen my cousins since I was about 16 (40 now), they don't visit here nor me there. When they were young they'd come on visits with my aunt but as they grew up naturally they didn't. When they did, when we were all still children, me and the youngest got on quite well.

I have him (6 years older than me) on fb but I hardly use it, so we seldom speak, I can't remember the last time we had a conversation via any platform.

Last time my Aunt visited (2018) she brought his daughter with her, lovely girl (18), first and only time I've met her.

Our lifestyles are quite different and I am not sure he'd approve of mine (I'm gay, they're very religious). If not for this I may have made more effort if I am honest.

Recently I received a card from the USA with cousins name as a return label-I was quite touched and thought how nice of him to write.

But, it is a card asking for money towards his daughter's wedding.
Is this cheeky? I am not sure how much if anything I should give-or if it will be a bone of contention if I don't. Is it perhaps the 'done thing' in certain more strict religions?

WWYD?
YABU-give some money, It's family
YANBU-they're being CFs, you hardly know them, don't!

A couple of years back we received a very cringe wedding invitation from the groom, DH had worked with 20 years earlier (and not seen since).

The bride and groom (both working and wellpaid) had been living together for even longer. The invite specified "please don't send us any wedding presents as we have everything we need. But if you want to give something we'd really appreciate a contribution of £ XX towards the wedding expenses."

We politely regretted we had other plans and hoped they'd be happy.

  I don't know where people get the brass nerve.

I believe that you can buy cards with biblical quotes so I'd send one of those wishing them well in their married life. "Consider the Lilies of the field" would seem suitable in this context......

Just ignore send a wedding blessings type card wishing them every happiness and leave at that. It's not a normal American custom but might be a Mormon thing?

I can’t be the only person who read that as ‘would you give E here’
It would make for a much more interesting wedding.

@2bazookas

It is a bit awkward if you are older. I think we might collect for charity thinking about it. I don't need stuff!

@2bazookas

A couple of years back we received a very cringe wedding invitation from the groom, DH had worked with 20 years earlier (and not seen since).

The bride and groom (both working and wellpaid) had been living together for even longer. The invite specified "please don't send us any wedding presents as we have everything we need. But if you want to give something we'd really appreciate a contribution of £ XX towards the wedding expenses."

We politely regretted we had other plans and hoped they'd be happy.

  I don't know where people get the brass nerve.</div></div>

Nothing wrong with request for cash in lieu of physical gift if you've been invited to the whole wedding day (i.e. not just evening do).

I wouldn't give anything, they should invite you to the wedding first and if you want you could give them a gift or money.

I googled LDS +wedding gift +money and the responses were modest amounts .Maybe try looking at that if you want to recognise her wedding and keep up contact, different ways of doing things are always interstate.

YANBU! CFers. I'd bin the request. Send them nothing.

I wouldn't give anything.

I'd send the envelope back filled with dust.

I'd just send a lovely card and what you can afford for a present. Or ask if they have a wedding account.

As I understand it, Mormons give a tithe of their income to their church. Do you really want to subsidise that?

@FangsForTheMemory

As I understand it, Mormons give a tithe of their income to their church. Do you really want to subsidise that?

And you have to buy your way into the big temples. Wouldn't want to subsidise that at all.

“The LDS Church operates a welfare distribution system, as it encourages members to seek financial assistance from family and the church first before seeking public or state-sponsored welfare”

There is no obligation help out so just send good thoughts and don’t worry about it.

We live in the US (I’m British and husband is Asian American) and have been occasionally asked to be wedding sponsors to nieces and nephews. But usually we’ve been invited to the wedding, to we do this in lieu of a gift. It’s typical to give a few hundred dollars.

Send a card

@SleepingStandingUp

Yeah no. If God has decreed she shouldn't work that doesn't stop him working. They can put the wedding off for a few years and save up.

If God has decreed she shouldn’t work then God can fund the wedding!

"Wedding Sponsors" - that's an actual thing?!
Do you get to place an avert in the order of ceremony? Or product placement in the best man's speech?

No way! Not a chance! Help them set up a home?? WTF?? Insane.

I had a cousin who tried this. She invited the entire extended family to the last 3 hours of her wedding. Essentially she asked people to travel over 3 hours from where most of our family live to arrive at her wedding at 9 o clock. In Ireland it is very common to give large gifts and in the wedding invite they asked for money. This was interpreted as a money making scheme and very little of the family attended. Similar to you i had not seen this cousin since we were kids.
I did not attend the wedding or send a gift. Neither did any of my family that I know of.

I would ignore it

Poor girl. I wonder how much choice she had in her husband, and whether she will be his only wife. I would be more inclined to send her an escape plan.

I'm an American and I've never heard of "wedding sponsors." It's very poor taste to ask for money in writing. It's okay to request money if someone asks, otherwise it's crass. Most couples register for gifts at various shops and let people know where they've registered.

Ignore or send 'I'm just setting up my own home at the moment and working hard myself to achieve that. Good luck with your own efforts'

Is it an invitation to the wedding? I think an invitation usually merits a gift - even if you don't go (though in that case a token gift would be all that is required). If you are invited and attend something more significant is usual.

If it isn't an invitation, then I would suggest ignoring the money request and sending a nice congratulation. If you ever do happen to visit the young couple, a nice hostess gift would be in order.

I would send something typically British as a gift. It's a just a kind acknowledgment