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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still read to my 11 year old every night?

89 replies

lu9months · 22/03/2021 07:30

I still like to read to my DD every night (sometimes while she is in the bath ) and put her to bed. my 18 year old back from uni was laughing and saying she is too old for this and I need to let her be independent. she gets herself up, does her lunch, walks to school and back by herself. but she is definitely young for her years. she's my youngest so I do think I baby her a little. id happily carry on reading to her forever! but I assume she will stop me when she is ready - her brothers did. AIBU?

OP posts:
110APiccadilly · 22/03/2021 09:19

At 11 I definitely would have wanted privacy for my bath.

But YANBU to read to her. I'm 30-something, married with a baby, and my dad will still read to the us if we're at my parents'. I have so many lovely memories of being read to all my childhood through. It's a great way to introduce books that are a bit above her reading level as well.

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 22/03/2021 10:06

I think your 11 year old should have the option of privacy in the bath. As for reading, it depends what you are reading to them more than anything.

VestaTilley · 22/03/2021 10:09

YANBU- carry on as long as she wants you to, and listen to her read as well.

Smartiepants79 · 22/03/2021 10:10

I will carry on reading to my 10 yr old until she doesn’t want me to anymore!

ittakes2 · 22/03/2021 10:12

One of my mum friends is super obsessed with her children being high achievers and she was still reading to her children at this age to help ensure they had good vocabularies and so they could discuss the books.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 22/03/2021 10:14

You need to stop...

...when she asks you to stop.

Not before.

ALittleBitofVitriol · 22/03/2021 10:14

Yanbu at all, it's lovely. I still read to all mine almost every day, including the teens.

tsmainsqueeze · 22/03/2021 10:17

That's lovely , i don't think there is a cut off point , if the listener enjoys being read too what does it matter what age they are .

MaudTheInvincible · 22/03/2021 10:23

My 10 and 11 year old dc still have bedtime stories every night. They can carry on having them for as long as they want.

I'm interested in what pointythings said: Not only is it good for them, reading out loud is also good for your brain health - it stimulates a whole different set of areas from reading silently to yourself. I suffered a brain injury a couple of years ago, and definitely noticed the difference in reading out loud compared to reading silently. It certainly helped with my speech rehabilitation, and it sounds like it may have helped other parts of my brain's recovery too.

HOkieCOkie · 22/03/2021 10:33

I think it’s lovely, children grow up so fast and it’s nice you read together at bedtime.

GreenBalaclava · 22/03/2021 10:33

I read to my 11yo DS every night Smile

twoshedsjackson · 22/03/2021 10:34

When I helped out with choir tours, I took charge of JS boys' bedtime, which included reading them a bedtime story (9-11 yr olds) If they didn't want to listen, that was fine, as long as they didn't disturb the others, but-
it was amazing how many of the older singers "happened to be passing" and by the end of the week there were a couple of 15-year-olds in there......bonkers.
As PP's have said, the only limit to enjoying being read to is whether you enjoy it or not.

SwedishK · 22/03/2021 10:37

Keep reading to your child. It's very beneficial for their language development and a great little bonding session for you. I wish mine would still let me read to them in bed.

onemouseplace · 22/03/2021 10:41

I read to my 11-year old most nights - she's the eldest of 3DC and I actually love it at the moment as I can read one book to all 3 of them (I alternate between books that are suitable for each of them and my rule is they all have to be in the room and quiet even if they are not actually listening if it's a book that is more geared to the older ones).

Bicnod · 22/03/2021 10:42

I still read to my 11 year old - probably every other night now. It's lovely, we snuggle up on the sofa after the younger two are in bed and read books that I enjoy as well. I will carry on doing this for as long as he wants me to.

With regards to the privacy in the bath thing, I think some 11 year olds are entirely unfazed by this - I don't think it's weird to read to your child in the bath if they are happy with it. My son likes having me, his dad or his brother sitting in the bathroom at the same time as he is having his bath so we can chat. He also fairly regularly still has baths with his younger siblings - they play ridiculous games with cups/ducks/whatever that flood the bathroom floor. They also like timing how long they can hold their breath underwater. All harmless fun.

It is very rare in our house that anyone gets privacy in the bath to be honest - there is always someone coming in to clean their teeth, use the loo etc. I can't remember the last time I had a bath without some child ending up in it...

ConfessionsOfAChocoholic · 22/03/2021 10:45

Me and dd are reading The Famous Five books together, I get just as much enjoyment reading them with dd as when I did when my mum read them to me.

tuesday2am · 22/03/2021 11:00

I think it’s really lovely you still read to her. DP and I read multiple books to our DS (2.5) every night and it’s something I really hope will continue into his older years.

Gobbycop · 22/03/2021 11:06

It's got fuck all with being independent.

It's a nice thing to do, in this world of everyone having their face burried in a screen I'd maintain it for as long as possible.

Unsuremover · 22/03/2021 11:09

One of the things on my list if I win the lottery is someone who reads to me. It’s nice to be comfy and relaxed and that’s hard holding a book (not hard hard but the kind of hard I would like to be done with after my lottery win). Plenty of people listen to audio books, surely a natural extension of a parent reading to you.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 22/03/2021 11:26

On reading to older children - I used to teach secondary English and read the entire set GCSE texts aloud to my bottom sets in year 10 and 11. My head of department strongly disapproved because there wasn't really time - they were meant to read it themselves, but in practice most of them couldn't or wouldn't.

Bottom sets usually only watch the film of the book, then lessons are focused on analysing characters and themes and practicing questions which might come up in the exam.

My bottom sets did about the same in the exams as the head of department's bottom sets, so I can't claim it helped in exams - but it didn't hurt either depite less time focused on the exam, and you could hear a pin drop in the lessons where I read aloud - some of the teens had the reputation gor being very difficult and disruptive, and were with me too in other more conventional lessons, but they all loved being read to. So many parents told me their children had talked about a book at home for the first time ever/ since primary school - "he said the book was different to the film" or "he talked about the book not the film" were things I loved hearing at parents evening, and which quite a lot of parents were delighted about.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 22/03/2021 11:30

It’s the reason adults spend literally millions on audiobooks so trying can have someone to read to them?

If she wants you to stop then stop.

CatherinedeBourgh · 22/03/2021 11:32

‘I won’t read to you tonight’ is called ‘the nuclear option’ by my dc and will have them running to do whatever I had asked.

They are 11 and 14, and still share a room although they don’t need to because otherwise one would miss out on being read to.

Mypathtriedtokillme · 22/03/2021 11:33

@Mypathtriedtokillme

It’s the reason adults spend literally millions on audiobooks so trying can have someone to read to them?

If she wants you to stop then stop.

I will try that again in actual English:

There is a reason adults spend literally millions on audiobooks, so they can have someone to read to them.

If she wants you to stop then stop.
Maybe some privacy in the bath or she’s totally fine with it.

Dd and I read a chapter out loud each.
It’s relaxing

Yellredder · 22/03/2021 12:11

It’s a lovely thing to do - and the bath thing is so not weird! My OH reads to our daughter (9) every night and sometimes I read to her, although currently we mostly do word puzzles together. Long may the reading last!

TheTurn0fTheScrew · 22/03/2021 12:18

YANBU - I think we read to my elder DC until she was at high school, when she decided she was done.

I still read to the 10yo, and as she never reads independently for pleasure, it's an invaluable way of improving her vocabulary and comprehension, as well as being an enjoyable evening ritual.