False accusation of sexual abuse

[PusheenLove]

I posted this thread in SN children forum but no response.

Terrible accusations of sexual abuse have been made by the local authority SEND officer regarding my Autistic daughter who has repeat UTIs due to sensory issues.

The SEND officer read our application for an EHCP, noticed the UTIs and phoned the school. The school said the case was referred to social services in 2018 and, after investigation, was closed with no concerns and no further action taken. The SEND officer STILL decided to make a referral to social services on Friday! I phoned the school and they said all there concerns were historical and they have no current concerns. They were sympathetic. Then I phoned the SEND officer to ask why she had re-referred an old case, was there any new evidence? The phone was continuously engaged or rung with no answer. Eventually, the receptionist answered and said SEND officer would phone me back. She never did.

The social worker then phoned me, and after a brief chat, said she was as baffled as I was. She closed the case. This has caused immense trauma to me and my family. I am worried this will keep happening every time someone reads a new form! I must point out that I'm diagnosed Autistic myself.

What action can I take that won't jeopardise my daughter's ECHP application? The SEND officer that made the accusations is residing on the ECHP panel!

AIBU to phone back SEND officer on Monday and ask what additional evidence there was? If there was none then AIBU to issue a complaint? This scenario has re-opened old traumas and damaged what was renewed mental health on my part. I'm weepy, shaky and am having nightmares. I am contacting GP on Monday. The relationship between my family and SEND services has completely deteriorated as a result of this.

@Oblomov21 the SEND officer wouldn't have an option to phone and have a chat with social services about OPs child and be given information about them! They pass on what they know. That's called a referral. In most authorities it's one online form used for pretty much everything.

Honestly the level of transference in this thread is worrying, and doesn't help an anxious OP!

@ghostyslovesheets

So the SEND officer filled out a safeguarding report saying I accuse *@PusheenLove* of sexually abusing her child - or did they make the referral checking there was no history or that the recurring UTI's had been flagged up and/ or investigated?

Your posts aren't very clear - and while I have never been accused of sexual abuse I have of physical abuse and SS where involved - which I accepted and I worked with

People have a statutory duty to report concerns - it's not nice but it's better than ignoring it and a child being harmed.

Put your concerns in writing by all means.

1. SEND officer reads file mentioning UTIs.
2. SEND officer contacts school who confirm it was a historical case, investigated by SS and closed.
3. SEND officer refers to SS anyway.

What is not clear?

@MelvinEugenePunymeyer w

Why is the process so hostile?

Go for it OP, with GP, no harm in asking.

Shoepeople, I am well aware thank you. Both my parents are retired senior social workers, and my friend is current, so I know the drill. I know about the online forms. And the phone calls that often follow them, because they all know each other professionally.

But my point remains that the re-referral was not valid.

I read it as the send officer spoke to you for permission to speak to Social Services and you refused. So she has had to make a referral in order to access your dds records. I think you have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5.
The SEND officer has to get a full background of a child in order to move forward with an EHCP request. You’re being seen as preventing this from happening by not giving permission.
What has your GP got to do with any of this?

@Ineedaneasteregg

Also wanted to ask if anyone has accused you of sexual abuse or is that they have raised concerns that your dd may be being abused? There is a significant difference between these things, dc can sadly be abused why a wide range of people they are in contact with.

They are implying that I'm not keeping her safe. This breaks my heart.

Pusheen, hostile? You need to wake up and see the system for what it is. It's not there to help you. No one cares about the needs of your child. They are not your friends. They are not there to advocate for your child. Your child's best interests is not their primary focus. Only YOU do that. You alone.

Their primary focus is to try and deny you everything. To give you the least they can get away with. It ALL comes down to money.

Don't ever forget that.

@Soontobe60

I read it as the send officer spoke to you for permission to speak to Social Services and you refused. So she has had to make a referral in order to access your dds records. I think you have put 2 and 2 together and come up with 5. The SEND officer has to get a full background of a child in order to move forward with an EHCP request. You’re being seen as preventing this from happening by not giving permission. What has your GP got to do with any of this?

Mentioned in my OP:

I'm Autistic myself. Since this happened my mental health has been smashed. I've had nightmares. Panic attacks.

@Oblomov21

Pusheen, hostile? You need to wake up and see the system for what it is. It's not there to help you. No one cares about the needs of your child. They are not your friends. They are not there to advocate for your child. Your child's best interests is not their primary focus. Only YOU do that. You alone.

Their primary focus is to try and deny you everything. To give you the least they can get away with. It ALL comes down to money.

Don't ever forget that.

What is the point of "the system" then?

Pusheen

Please don’t take people’s word on here as the complete and pure truth. Everyone has their own perception, coloured by their own experiences.

Do you have real life support with the EHCP process?

Ah I see, you want to see the GP for yourself.
@Oblomov21 you clearly have issues over your dealings with Social Services. Their overall aim is to support children who may suffer abuse. Sorry if you think thats not what they’re doing. But they absolutely are.

I do appreciate that is must be very stressful for you OP and very difficult not to feel judged.
It is coming from a place of trying to make sure your dd is protected which is the same place that you are coming from.

It is unusual for repeated referrals to be made on historical information. It is possible if you had given your consent to the referral the professional could have spoken to social services about the referral and established that the information had already been assessed.

If this reoccurs in the future giving consent but requesting that they consult with social services first might be a helpful way forward. ( This wouldn't prevent a referral if the referrer has additional concerns or there are new healthcare concerns)

Perhaps also requesting that the referrer files a copy of the formal outcome of the referral would be useful. So a letter from social services saying the case is closed, we used to send them out to parents and professional referrers for their records.
If this isn't routinely done request that it is for you.

OP I hate to be the one to say this but :

-Read up about the current EHCP system - not just the process - but experiences of other parents that have been though it.
-Get yourself acquainted with SEND law
-Get advice from helpful orgs SENDIASS, SOSSEN, IPSEA. Parent carer forums, local parent support groups, facebook EHCP experiences groups etc
-You will need a thick skin, I don't mean this lightly. You are now stuck in some bizzare dystopian system - it's like hunger games - you need to be strong and keep your focus on the end result, and DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. It is almost definitely not about you, and definitely about them and their budgets.
-Don't trust anyone, only share info that is relevant to the process. If it isn't relevant - don't share it, as they WILL use it against you. Definitely don't tell them you have autism.

@Oblomov21 I am a social worker. There wouldn't be an alternative process in my authoriity, or anywhere I've worked previously. So I'm not sure why you think that making a referral is a nefarious action.

@PusheenLove the SEND officer wouldn't be considered qualified to make a judgement from speaking to school. They also wouldn't be allowed to assume that a historic issue means that there's no current risk. You could make a subject access request if you want to find out more about what the SEN officer actually passed on, but if you're feeling a bit fragile I wouldn't recommend it yet - I don't mean to suggest there'll be anything bad in it, just that its never pleasant to see things written down about your family.

Just one last point I want to add - you're putting your own anxieties on this (which I can understand, but please try and recognise that) A concern whether your child is safe is not the same as a criticism of your parenting. Many of the children who come to our attention (and esp in SA referrals) have caring, loving parents. I know that might sound counter intuitive but it's true.

@MelvinEugenePunymeyer

OP I hate to be the one to say this but :

-Read up about the current EHCP system - not just the process - but experiences of other parents that have been though it.
-Get yourself acquainted with SEND law
-Get advice from helpful orgs SENDIASS, SOSSEN, IPSEA. Parent carer forums, local parent support groups, facebook EHCP experiences groups etc
-You will need a thick skin, I don't mean this lightly. You are now stuck in some bizzare dystopian system - it's like hunger games - you need to be strong and keep your focus on the end result, and DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. It is almost definitely not about you, and definitely about them and their budgets.
-Don't trust anyone, only share info that is relevant to the process. If it isn't relevant - don't share it, as they WILL use it against you. Definitely don't tell them you have autism.

The first part of this is good advice, the second part is just pure and utter rubbish.

@NeverDropYourMoonCup I know the thread has moved on but have just seen your post and want to address what you say.

I think schools are in a different situation to that outlined by the op. I don't envy you at all, you know children the best of any professionals and often have very serious concerns which you feel powerless to address, but social care don't accept your referrals, it must take a big emotional toll and I don't think the majority of social workers think that you are just arse covering.

The problem is that social workers often can't get any further than you. Unless there is something very obviously wrong when social workers speak to other professionals/ visit, the families who are evasive with you are also evasive with social workers and things can't progress.

The point I'm making is that the process of being referred to social care, having social workers visit etc can be counter productive for some families - making them more fearful, less likely to engage etc.

What is needed is properly funded early intervention to work alongside families and get to the bottom of things without the threat and stigma of being social workers. With that support being almost non existent in the current climate it's an impossible situation.

That's just your opinion @SoonToBe60
And this is mine based on my experience, and that of many other parents I've spoken to.

I'm guessing you've not been through this process recently as a parent.

@MelvinEugenePunymeyer

OP I hate to be the one to say this but :

-Read up about the current EHCP system - not just the process - but experiences of other parents that have been though it.
-Get yourself acquainted with SEND law
-Get advice from helpful orgs SENDIASS, SOSSEN, IPSEA. Parent carer forums, local parent support groups, facebook EHCP experiences groups etc
-You will need a thick skin, I don't mean this lightly. You are now stuck in some bizzare dystopian system - it's like hunger games - you need to be strong and keep your focus on the end result, and DON'T TAKE ANYTHING PERSONALLY. It is almost definitely not about you, and definitely about them and their budgets.
-Don't trust anyone, only share info that is relevant to the process. If it isn't relevant - don't share it, as they WILL use it against you. Definitely don't tell them you have autism.

Use my autism against me?

@PusheenLove

How old is your DD?

[quote Haenow]@PusheenLove

How old is your DD?[/quote]
10. Why?

[quote purplejungle]@GeorgiaGirl52 whilst that may be true, families may decline consent for a variety of reasons. I am a social worker and would decline consent for my child to be referred to social care if there was no good reason.

Although professionals often want to cover their backs by making a referral, this can mean social care are overwhelmed with referrals and miss the children who really need their help.

State intervention in family's lives can be traumatic and prevent families from reaching out in future when they need it. [/quote]
This ^

@PusheenLove

I just wondered if she was at the age to be aware of the referral etc and understand the implications. It’s a tough age - old enough to be aware of what’s going on but not mature enough to be able to rationalise all the complex emotions.

FWIW, recurrent UTIs in children that young should be considered by any professional as a possible concern. I don’t think they were wrong to double check, even though I appreciate it must have felt horrible. There is a difference between “@PusheenLove might be sexually abusing her child” and “can you investigate again as this child has been having UTIs and I am concerned it may suggest she has been sexually abused by someone.”

No advice re the send officer but just to reassure you that almost all new EHCP applications are turned down for assessment. The LA want to see which parents will push it. Don’t be put off and appeal the decision, they usually back down at the last minute.

@MelvinEugenePunymeyer - 100% this. And the LA nearly always refuse to assess, don’t back down, appeal. They nearly always back down before tribunal. Then they’ll probably refuse to issue, again stick to your guns and don’t back down. When you finally get the EHCP, it will more than likely be rubbish and wushu washy so you need to know your stuff.