Has anyone ever called out their school bullies?

[Thedarksideofthemoon30]

Has anyone ever called out their school bullies? I messaged the worst few yesterday just saying how they treated me during the school years led me to wanting to kill myself every day after school and how I hope that they, their kids or someone they love is never made to feel the way they made me feel. I said that now I’m turning 30 I wanted to make peace with my anger and feelings towards how they treated me and I felt getting it out would help me move forward.

The main lad who made my life absolute hell blocked me straight away, one of them replied and apologised and said no one should be made to feel like that.

Another one blocked me 🙈😂

I feel a kind of sense of weight off my shoulders. Iv held on to so much pain from my childhood (still lots to go, mum an alcoholic but she’s died so can’t call her out 🤷🏻‍♀️).

The bullying and home life led me to have BPD and mental health issues.

Well, do you feel any better? How did you feel about the blockings? (Are they friends of yours on social media?) isn’t it possible you’ve given them another opportunity to be cruel?

That was very brave OP! You could have ended up with a barrage of abuse back. I’m glad you got an apology and the blocking means they feel uncomfortable so GOOD. Much better outcome that abuse or denial.

Yes I did but it was by chance. A friend of mine told me she wanted to date a woman she had a crush on and showed me her picture. I was like, ‘omg that girl bullied me!’ Next thing she’s called her and put her on the phone to me. I challenged her and at first the bully pretended she didn’t remember me then she said she remembered me but forgot the bullying. All bollocks.

Never found out whether my friend went out with her in the end as I didn’t want to keep up the friendship after that anyway.

One of them did send me abuse 😂🙈

I'm surprised you got even one nice response. I wouldn't ever advise anyone else to do this. Your recovery shouldn't be in any way dependent on how they feel and the chances are they don't even remember you. I can't say I'd respond well to someone searching for me on social media then sending me a message completely out of the blue telling me how horrible I was to them at school and telling me they needed to "get it out" to "make peace with it", whatever that means. I'd probably just block them too.

Sounds like you were hoping for nothing but grovelling apologies? That was never likely.

Well I had two nice replies and someone who
Told me it wasn’t his fault that I ate my feelings and that I was so fat 😂

After all this time I would wouldn't bother. One of my kids was bullied but this child was going tho a terrible time himself. Not that that excuses things but most bullies are also victims of some kind and It's honestly not worth dreading it all up. To add with support for both kids my son and the other child are now good friends.

Not call her out, but I was in a nightclub a few years after I left school, and the bully was behind me, laughing with a friend and flicking her drink onto me.
I turned around and punched her on the nose. I have never punched anyone before or since, but it definitely works and wished I'd done it years before 😂

I did....

I was bullied badly by a few boys for not having a dad (he died just before I started primary). One of them kept bullying me all the way up through primary school.

I met him again at university, he hit on me 🤦‍♀️ and I gave him a piece of my mind. He then wanted to be friends and said he had a bad childhood too.

I am afraid I told all my friends about it, very factually (and all true) that he had bullied me badly at a time I had cried myself to sleep every night and generally made my life hell. And that I was sure he had his reasons, but that I just really didn’t want to spend any time with him as it gave me flash backs to a very unhappy place.

As I by then was a quite pretty and very popular girl, that didn’t really do it for his social life. I think he ended up transferring to another university 🤷‍♀️.

I wasn’t bullied but everyone who was an arsehole in high school has had their just desserts so 🤷🏼‍♀️

Very few people will say sorry for that kind of behaviour. One of the most freeing things about being an adult is not having to subject yourself to horrible people!

Imo you've just given them more ammunition - they probably haven't thought about you since they left 🤷

I haven’t, but I have called myself out.

I was pretty middle ground in school and got along with a wide variation of people. However I got quite friendly with the ‘cool’ people at one point and during this a new boy had started, I never asked about his situation but it was clearly not greats, clothes were always ripped and he was clearly unhappy. Anyway; they began to bully him, and me in turn not wanting to either be bullied or lose my status quo also bullies him. He left school for a few weeks and I felt so much guilt.

He did come back; and they continued to bully him but I steered clear from the group.

Couple years go by and we leave school and I notice he come up on Facebook; so I added him- apologised for being cruel in school and that I wish I’d had the balls to apologise in school but I was embarrassed by how I acted.

We actually became friends and chatted for a good couple of years before I came off Facebook.

I’m really ashamed that I was a bully bit also felt proud to realise it was wrong and put an end to it (from me at least) and then apologise.. even if it did take leaving school and a couple of years to do so.

I personally think there is a special place in hell for bullies. I don’t think I would call anyone out if they didn’t approach me first though. I have no interest whatsoever in them.

I do tell my children that the one thing I will give them complete hell over is if they bully anyone. I have told them that they need to be kind to the shy, quiet people and I give them a list of the children they can be horrible too (usually the top two mean girls and the class bullies). My children laugh at the thought and say that they would be physically beaten up if they tried and I tell them “good”.

I have also helped getting a colleague fired for bullying a junior, female colleague. I kept a diary of every comment he made to her and every time he made her cry and submitted to HR (this was a joint project with my team manager).

I think that we can turn the experience into something positive in terms of standing up for bullying in the workplace and to raise our children right.

I honestly don’t really care about any bullies’ bad childhoods or issues. They can live with that and with what they have done. Hopefully far away from my social circles.

It is obviously never ok and if you do get an apology years later that's great, though quite rare. But honestly, unless it was really, really egregiously bad (which of course it sometimes is), I would try not to judge someone their entire life based on how they were when they were 14.

Good on you OP that was very brave.

@DrSbaitso

It is obviously never ok and if you do get an apology years later that's great, though quite rare. But honestly, unless it was really, really egregiously bad (which of course it sometimes is), I would try not to judge someone their entire life based on how they were when they were 14.

It was very bad and obviously shaped my whole adult life.

Sarah Millican in one of her routines talks about getting a letter from one of her school bullies after becoming famous. Her reply was quite restrained but I think satisfying. If you look her up and bullies you'll find it on YouTube.

I’ve been tempted recently - stumbled across her on Facebook, looking at least 10 years older than typical, with a self-pitying statement, and an anti-bullying photo frame 🤣🤣🤣

It was very bad and obviously shaped my whole adult life.

I'm very sorry about that. As before, though, I really wouldn't advise anyone to make their recovery contingent on how the bullies feel now. I'm extremely surprised you got a positive response from not just one, but two of them (obviously it's good that you did). I agree with a PP that it gives them power all over again.

I never have confronted any of them, mostly as I have never seen them since leaving the area 30 years ago. I’m happy to say that I can no longer recall their names or faces very well. My schooldays left a huge mark on me and it feels good to have erased at least some of it. Otherwise, I find redemptive acts more powerful: living well, enjoying the things I’m good at and using my experiences to help others. My sense is that the ones who acknowledged the harm they did you have probably moved on and worked on themselves; the blockers and abusive reply-ers are probably still bullying wankers.

I don't go to the regular informal school reunions as my bully goes - was my best friend before she started bullying me and then assaulted me.
When I'm asked in the Facebook group I explain why.
She friend requested me but I didnt respond.
A mutual friend tried to persuade me to be forgiving but I declined.

Bloody good for you! I admire you for going there and calling it out. I fucking hate bullies, and if I knew where one particular person was right now I wouldn't hesitate to give them a piece of my mind.

Anyone who has been through the hell of bullying is entitled to give that person the equivalent of a victim impact statement.

I evicted mine I'll probably get slammed for this but.....

Genuinely didnt know it was him, had the case in court for thousands of pounds of rent arrears (social housing) and he didn't turn up.

So off to the property I go with the warrant of eviction and the court bailiff and there he was packing stuff in a black sack.

I know I shouldn't feel pleased at others misfortune but he made my life a living hell from yr6 in primary through to yr11. I started self harming and withdrew terribly. Took many years and much therapy to deal with the pain he caused.

So it did give me some satisfaction to see what he had become and now I was in the position of power, which unless you've been the victim of such a cruel bully you'll never understand.